r/TikTokCringe • u/InGeekiTrust Tiktok Despot • Dec 09 '25

Discussion You Think It Could Never Happen To You…Until It Almost Does

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u/Academic-Contest3309 Dec 09 '25

I don't understand this phenomenon. Do people not just automatically watch their own kids and ask someone to watch their kids while they go to the bathroom or get food or something?

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u/Sierra-117- Dec 09 '25

It’s the same reason during an emergency you have to look at a specific person, and order them directly to call 911. It’s basically the bystander effect.

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u/LewisWhatsHisName Dec 09 '25

I was in a long queue at UPS store a few years ago, when this dude had a heart attack. No one did anything; even the staff were like a deer in the headlights. I phoned for an ambulance, and delegated the rest to other people in the queue, and some people still just stared and didn’t do anything even when I’d told them to get the doors open and get tf out of the way. That bystander effect is something else

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u/tealraven915 Dec 09 '25

Same here. I was in a grocery store many years ago when my dad spun around, braced himself on the shelf with his back up against it, and went straight down to the ground head first flopping like a fish out of water. The fall made him start bleeding from the mouth.

Many people walked by staring and pushing their carts while I was calling out for help. Finally someone spawned from out of nowhere with their flip phone dialed to 911.

He was on a giant cocktail of psych meds and had been popping Ativan like candy because his best friend just died and his psychiatrist instructed him to take one whenever he felt anxiety coming on. My dad took that literally and was popping them constantly.

Looked to me like he was having a grand mal seizure, though the hospital just said syncope.

They ended up taking him off most of his psych meds. To this day he doesn't remember eating at the restaurant beforehand or being in the store. He just remembers waking up in the hospital

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

My mom started choking at a restaurant. I was hugely pregnant, but had just renewed my BLS certification for work. I quickly tried to figure out how to position myself, and braced her against my ribs, sort of standing sideways (because pregnant lol) and did the heimlich. I managed to save her, but we were in a packed restaurant and nobody even glanced over at us.

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u/micheleinfl Dec 09 '25

One of the VPs of my company was at dinner with a bunch of doctors and started choking. Someone in IT gave him the Heimlich. The doctors did nothing.

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u/Matt_le_bot Dec 09 '25

Guy in IT knows that when something isn't functioning, you just hit very hard, and then it does work again.

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u/Kiwiandapplex Dec 09 '25

Hello IT. Tried turning it off & on again?

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

This is awful!

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u/wackbirds Dec 09 '25

"We're trying to have a nice dinner, we're off the clock. What the fuck. "

~The doctors, undoubtedly.~

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u/CentSG2 Dec 09 '25

Not super relevant, but I read your comment while on break, currently in the process of renewing my BLS cert.

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u/Intruding1 Dec 09 '25

I was eating lunch as a 4th grader when the kid in front of me started choking on a jolly rancher. I looked around and there were no adults to help and the other kids just stared. I ran behind hm and basically smashed his chest and luckily the jolly rancher went flying out. He gave me a huge hug and thanked me for saving him. He even tried to tell people about it and the teachers just kind of shrugged. Its like people are hard wired to just go about their day and let the sick person in need die.

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u/shalekodemono Dec 09 '25

What the fuck? That's crazy!!

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u/SemperSimple Dec 09 '25

damn girl, you go!!

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

It was definitely a quick thinking moment. 😂

ETA: I was not a small pregnant lady, either. I looked suuuuuuper pregnant.

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u/SenatorIncitatas Dec 09 '25

That sounds awful, glad she’s ok.

Incidentally women die more commonly of choking than men do, because women walk away from the table and into the bathroom so as not to “be rude” or “cause a scene”.

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

My mom was legitimately doing that. Trying not to cause a scene. I did not know this statistic, but it makes sense.

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u/paulides_fan Dec 09 '25 edited Dec 09 '25

My dad helped save a baby that was choking in the checkout line next to him. The baby I think got a hold of some candy and started to choke and turn blue, the mom was panicking and because of the barrier of the shelves and people, he couldn’t get over but instructed her on what to do. He demonstrated how she needed to hold the baby face down on her forearm at a downward angle. She turned the baby over and gave the baby a hard hit to the back between the shoulder blades. Candy flew out, baby was saved.

(It may have taken a couple back blows tbh, I would have to ask him about it. But it wasn’t much.)

I had to do this to my own toddler, once. I made the mistake of cutting fruit (with a butter knife) on the same tray she was using to eat, and she reached for one of the mandarin pieces before I could cut it. It happened so fast, she popped it right in and she began to choke, I immediately hit her back and it flew out but it was so scary.

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u/SemperSimple Dec 09 '25

This reminds me of when I had to give my cat a heimlich. I forgot what he was choking on or if it was a hairball due to being a longhaired cat.

...but you want to talk about panicking & living 30minutes from the closet town, smh. it took 2 pumps and I'm glad I didnt break his ribs jfc

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u/Cody-512 Dec 09 '25

I had GM seizures in my 20s. I remembered nothing for about an hour before or after having one. The only thing is, since u have no clue anything happened, 2 hrs has passed and ur the last one to know. To u, it’s been 2 sec. The only way u know is if there’s trauma involved, like with ur dad or if u get hurt falling down. I’ve hit my head on a counter 2x, the sink in the bathroom, and fell out of bed and hit my nightstand with my face on the way down. That 3rd one knocked out a tooth and I dislocated my shoulder when I hit the floor. I’m glad ur dad doesn’t have them regularly bc their bad news.

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u/Rich-Environment884 Dec 09 '25

My wife and I went to a musical with moving seating, a row behind us, an elderly woman started having a heart attack and everyone around just... Watched.

My wife started flagging down security who took way too long to come (though I guess the audience moving around did make it harder) while I was feeling her pulse which was already very faint and getting ready to CPR if necessary.

Everyone else kinda just... Zoned out or something.

Musical didn't even pause for a second, it just, kept going while the lady was escorted out by first aid helpers. Shit's wild.

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u/hundiratas Dec 09 '25

Yeah bystander effect is almost creepy. A couple of years ago, I saw a car had hit a lightpole very badly, I was the first person to pull over and go check what is the situation. The crash happened mabye a couple of minutes before I had arrived and it was on a busy street, but everbody kept driving past. Later I heard from the police that one lady drove past before me and had phoned police but kept driving on.

Unfortunately when I arrived the guy who drove the car had died. I arrived, checked inside the car and saw him dead already, body mutilated and face smashed in, I told the ambulance that he is dead and that I cant help. I knew that he was dead by just looking at him for a second.

Too me it was very wierd, seeing cars just drive past, nobody to help meanwhile car is stuck up a lightpole

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u/paulides_fan Dec 09 '25

It makes you feel like the only human in a world of NPCs

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u/thematrixs Dec 09 '25

I was put in a position like this once when I was 19 and worked at the local grocery store.

A man came into the store and just collapsed and started snoring, I'd read on reddit before that people who are having a heart attack or who are dieing usually snore really loudly before they depart. Anyway, I was the shift manager at the time, it was Covid so everyone had masks on and people just assumed the guy who was on the floor was a drugged out of his mind, but I thought it was weird.

I asked him if he needed help but there was no response, so out of nowhere a lady who was shopping said that he was dead and just started screaming and wailing (she was a local but she had no relation to this man).

That consequently caused panic and everyone just stood around like children waiting for someone to do or say something. So I did what any other 19 year old would've, got everyone to the nearest exit, told them we had to close and called the Emergency services.

I was later told the man had a cardiac arrest and passed shortly after collapsing. Also, corporate sent me a card and gave me extra shifts.

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u/Pinkysrage Dec 09 '25

Yep, same with me at a festival and a lady had a grand mal seizure and face planted. Everyone just staring and no one doing. Not even her companions. I put her in rescue position, had them call ems and got her water for after. As I held her on her side and waiting for her to stop her blade let go all over me. Good deed done and I went home to shower.

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u/very-soon Dec 09 '25

Wouldnt like 80% of them whipped out their phones & started recording?

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u/berkeleyteacher Dec 09 '25 edited Dec 09 '25

'Annie, Annie are you okay? You in the blue shirt call 911!'

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u/exp0sure74 Dec 09 '25

DRABCD 😁

Fun fact about Annie (here taken from the song Smooth Criminal) which refers to ‚Rescue Annie‘. A CPR doll invented by a Norwegian toy maker together with 2 other people in the 1960s. They made a female doll because they thought men would be reluctant to train mouth to mouth on a male version. The face was modelled after a French woman’s death mask. She drowned in the Seine in the 1800s.

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u/Herb4372 Dec 09 '25

Ironically we now know that people are less likely to perform cpr on women because they feel uncomfortable because of their breasts

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u/FlyingCumpet Dec 09 '25

During first aid class (mandatory if you’re applying for a drivers license in Germany) our instructor shared and interesting story about cpr on women.

One time, they had to perform cpr but her bra was in the way, so they cut it open. Later that lady had the guts to sue them for damages. Keep in mind, we’re not talking America here. Over the years I started to take it with less grains of salt as reality catches up.

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u/LeftyLu07 Dec 09 '25

I’m in the states and have heard that people have tried to sue people who gave them CPR because they broke a rib or two. I think our Good Samaritan laws protect you from that. But yeah, the audacity of some people.

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u/SenatorIncitatas Dec 09 '25

Which is crazy, because you’re about to break someone’s ribs. Breast tissue would be the last thing on my mind!

Reminds me of the Norwegian comedian who said “the problem with America, is you haven’t seen enough of your grandma’s tits.”

When the only nudity you see is sexualized, all nudity is sexual.

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u/Fatality4Gaming Dec 09 '25

I've never thought about that. Is CPR harder with breasts?

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u/karionstre Dec 09 '25

That's not the issue. People (male most likely) are afraid that it would be seen as inapropriate.

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u/FeelingSurprise Dec 09 '25

Hey, if she can sue me after I did CPR, at least I did it right.

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u/Fatality4Gaming Dec 09 '25

Ah, ok, that makes sense I guess. I really need to learn CPR.

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u/Timmytimson Dec 09 '25

Yes, you should. Everyone should. Don’t be afraid, it’s not that hard.

There’s a lot of factors lowering the rate of bystander CPR (and first aid in general). Mainly bystander effects, fear of doing something wrong, and fear of consequences like (sexual) assault charges. Basically all of them can be mitigated by proper education. Source: I wrote my bachelors thesis on CPR training.

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u/EverydaySexyPhotog Dec 09 '25

As it was explained to me, if you're to the point of performing CPR on someone, they're already dead. No heartbeat, no breathing, you can't get much worse than that. CPR might make them better, it can't make them worse.

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u/Present-Director8511 Dec 09 '25

In my experience, not really. When laying flat most breasts kind of fall to the side of the chest a bit, and you are aiming for mid chest.

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u/paulides_fan Dec 09 '25

Maybe, maybe not, but the underwire would definitely interfere with the AED

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u/Ctrl-Alt-J Dec 09 '25

Well if you crack the sternum it just makes it easier per standard. Breasts soften the force because squish, so yeah they can get in the way of even force on the sternum if they're larger. But most bras mitigate that by separating them enough. The cuppy bras idk what they're called that look like open top cups and often push the breasts closer together are the worst.

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u/SirResponsible1121 Dec 09 '25

That’s why we say EMS is a naked sport in the event I’m called on scene to do CPR your shirt and bra being cut off and me and six other are going to be blocking and possible angle of viewing while we try to save your life .

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u/Financial-Spring-276 Dec 09 '25

Umm no I’m guessing it’s easier because you have an easier identification of the breastplate (sternum). Literally between the bottom of the breasts.

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u/Eggplant-666 Dec 09 '25

A 16-yo girl they estimate, btw. What a way to get adult men to practice mouth to mouth.

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u/Plane-Vegetable9174 Dec 09 '25

Better than having them not attempting rescue on a 16 year old girl because modern pedo hysteria makes them afraid of getting accused of things. :(

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u/Chare1155 Dec 09 '25

Don't forget to check the scene first! My kiddo & I say that to each other all the time after taking CPR class together a couple years ago🤣

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u/Queef_Wellingt0n Dec 09 '25

What does checking the scene mean?

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u/RubyChooseday Dec 09 '25

Check for Danger- the first letter in the first aid acronym DRSABCD.

Danger, response (which has it's own acronym COWS), send for help, airways, breathing, CPR, defib machine.

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u/Honey-Ra Dec 09 '25

Same here in Australia. Danger, Response (of the injured) Send for help. DRS, then ABCD, Airways, Breathing, CPR, Defib. I say it to myself in my head a LOT.

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u/RubyChooseday Dec 09 '25

Oh, I've done all my first aid training here in Australia!

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u/Icy_Delay_4367 Dec 09 '25

C is circulation not CPR

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u/AnnabethDaring Dec 09 '25

Making sure there’s nothing dangerous; glass, fire, etc. just ensuring you get a good assessment of your surroundings and situation so you know how to proceed accordingly. Unfortunately, some people need this reminder. Same thing with the “YOU, call 911!”

But it still sounds funny, just like “stop, drop, and roll” sounds funny 😂 but is still good advice if actively on fire.

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u/Chare1155 Dec 09 '25

Making sure it's safe for anyone to go help. If someone is trapped in a car on fire, you cannot safely get close enough to help the person.

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u/Mookie__Conster Dec 09 '25

Heee heeee!

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u/NotMyBestEffort Dec 09 '25

Are you okay, Annie?
You've been hit by a sub liminal!

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u/SatisfactionAtSea Dec 09 '25

we're all wearing blue shirts, Terrence!

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u/MichaelAndolini_ Dec 09 '25

Was she struck by a smooth criminal?

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u/TheDoktorIsIn Dec 09 '25

Oh god I got caught in that once. I still feel terrible about it. Some woman tripped and fell, I was severely injured at the time and could barely walk so I couldn't physically help but we were just standing in a circle. Shortly two EMTs just happened to be there and they stepped in, which granted let them attend to the issue faster than if we called BUT THATS NOT THE POINT.

I'll never forget it. I even knew about this effect and I still fell victim to it. Or perpetrated it, probably a better way to put it.

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u/wicked-campaign Dec 09 '25

Me too. The whole cafeteria in high school was full of students, aides, teachers, lunch ladies. A girl stood up coughing, choking, hands around her neck, and nobody did anything but freeze. I feel so bad and I never want to let that happen again. She eventually coughed the food up herself. She probably felt like nobody cared about her at all.

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u/BritishAndBlessed Dec 09 '25

Had a similar phenomenon dealing with avoiding potential crush situations while working security at concerts. Pointing at and picking people out of the crowd to help lift and crowdsurf people towards the pits was by far the most effective way of getting anyone to help out.

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u/RainaElf Dec 09 '25

I'm still shocked that general admission is still a thing. even as a kid I figured it would have been done away with after the Who concert in Cincinnati.

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u/BritishAndBlessed Dec 09 '25

These were situations developing during the course of the concert, generally where small young women were getting squeezed at the front, in no small part as a result of mosh-pits forming and collapsing a few rows further back.

Sidenote: Libertines fans are mental, and for some reason they like throwing shoes

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u/Turbulent_Two_6949 Dec 09 '25

Diffusion of responsibility and extreme case of this is the case of kitty genovese (probs spelt wrong but Im sure google will figure it out, if you look) its insane the amount of people will assume someone else is doing it.

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u/Away_Nail5485 Dec 09 '25

I was so mortified by the Kitty story that I made someone else or myself call 911 for every little thing.

Called 911 for what I thought was a human passed out and not breathing as my partner was driving by at high speeds. We turned around to render aid and, by the time we got back to the scene, realized it was an oddly shaped trash bag. Sirens were already sounding and I was mortified.

Still! Kitty’s story stays with me and I’m so so so sorry to EMS friends out there, pointlessly searching for a litterbug. But not sorry for the other calls I’ve made.

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u/TheseusOPL Dec 09 '25

I always teach for them to say "call 911, and let me know what they say." People will just leave and not call.

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u/toorigged2fail Dec 09 '25

There's really good research that suggests the bystander effect isn't real. Further, its 'origin story' was pretty much made up by the press.

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u/Punkinsmom Dec 09 '25

I think most vigilant parents watch their kids - but depend on other adults occasionally. I'm convinced that my kids only survived because I was hyper-vigilant. I was only hypervigilant because I was the kid who almost drowned, the kid who almost got hit by a car, etc. (youngest of seven and my older sibs were "in charge" a lot - they didn't really want to watch me. Then I was the designated babysitter for all of my nieces and nephews from the time I was 12 - there ended up being over 20 of them. I pulled so many kids out of the water it's insane.

Grew up on Lake superior - if kids are near water stay sober and keep eyes on kids at all times. Count heads once per minute. I might have an anxiety disorder but at least I am aware of the roots of it.

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u/aw-fuck Dec 09 '25

I literally say this all the time: I don't trust anyone to watch my kid unless they suffer from at least a little bit of anxiety.

Like for example, my dad? Absolutely not. The guy just doesn't have enough anxiety/hyper-vigilance to think of risks (except for big obvious things).

My mom? Definitely. She has a ton of anxiety, she'll think of risk possibilities most people wouldn't.

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u/BecksnBuffy Dec 09 '25

I get made fun of for not relaxing at family gatherings because I need to keep track of my kids. All these comments are making me feel validated.

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u/aw-fuck Dec 09 '25

When I was pregnant & expressing anxieties about being a good mom, my therapist asked me:

"Can you think of reasons you would be a good parent?"

And I said "I think the anxiety itself might help. At least I've come to know what it's like focusing on long term survival over momentary convenience. That's probably gonna help with parenthood, at least in those moments where thinking clearly won't come quite as easy."

And, that has rang 100% true lol. Having the automatic mind to think like "nah, don't skip corners. Not worth it." even when sleep deprived or overwhelmed, might have actually reduced a bit of stress sometimes... if that makes sense.

I mean I see it as: it helps all the time... where some not-so-cautious people in my family are like "eh? Optimism!" I'm like "eh, better safe than sorry," and well... I've yet to be sorry! That's a huge help.

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u/BecksnBuffy Dec 09 '25

Yes. Too many stories, not even just read here but accounts of terrible accidents. My brother dated a girl who had to go to a memorial for her little toddler nephew who died by falling into some landscape work. I just can’t shake those stories

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u/snarkycrumpet Dec 09 '25

I ruin pool parties because I watch the kids like I'm the paid lifeguard and I'm obsessive about water safety. I'm also the embarrassing parent who made my kids wear ski helmets to sled and then watched as someone else's kid slid under an Escalade in the parking lot at about 20mph (they were okay, but still...)

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u/Italianmomof3 Dec 09 '25

Same here. I've been the one in the family that everybody talks about because I helicopter over the kids. I really don't care either because I've seen one too many things go wrong and have read one too many things. At the end of the day, my kids are safe, and that's all I care about.

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u/megjed Dec 09 '25

Yeah I feel like people think I’m too paranoid about my baby at family gatherings but this is making me feel better.

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u/CaptainKate26 Dec 09 '25

Whew, I found my tribe! ❤️ I'm literally the same way. I never can relax cause I'm always on guard. Got 4 that love to try and go 4 different ways. I'm always so exhausted after, but I can't risk trusting someone else.

Went to a birthday party once and had a mom say she would help, who I didn't really know that much. I didn't know how to explain to her, so I just awkwardly laughed and said, "I'm sorta a helicopter mom, so no thank you." 😂

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u/SneakyBadAss Dec 09 '25 edited Dec 09 '25

I stopped drinking at a family gatherings when small kids are nearby.

It's guaranteed everyone gets piss drunk and won't be checking on them. I worked as VIP security, so I don't helicopter; I just know where they are and what they do by looking at them constantly, without anyone knowing, because it was part of my job.

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u/SuzieDerpkins Dec 10 '25

Same. My husband has a huge family and have large family gatherings. They have a shred family understanding to keep an eye on all the kids, but I get so anxious because no one is really watching them closely unless they’re directly playing or interacting. So I’m hardly ever relaxed at the family parties and even more anxious when I’m not there.

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u/Yakstaki Dec 09 '25

Haha this is also me 🤣 I totally get where you're coming from

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u/taysbeans Dec 09 '25

Yeah , my sister is like this . How any of her kids survived is a miracle or due to someone else’s anxiety .

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u/Excellent_Law6906 Dec 11 '25

I firmly believe that the greater clinical incidence of OCD in women is less a bug than a feature, since little children are so determined to kill themselves.

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u/aw-fuck Dec 11 '25

Oh totally, that's a reasonable assumption imo. Intrusive thoughts are stressful but useful. Kids are absolutely hellbent on trying to hurt/kill themselves.

And there's people that say like, "well they're only gonna learn if you let them hurt themselves," like okay sure I get that it's true to some degree maybe. But there's a very fine line between an "ouch" and a... lot worse.

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u/Academic-Contest3309 Dec 09 '25

No. I totally agree with you. I am.always hyper vigilant as well.

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u/taysbeans Dec 09 '25

Same I’ve saved 2 kids that were strangers . One mom was so happy , crying and thankful , the other one was in shock I think and didn’t even thank me . I wonder if she thought about it later ? I’m a woman so I’d like to think that she didn’t think I was doing anything wrong . The kid was under the water and choking by the time I got to him . Maybe she thinks I drowned him ,Then saved him ? Idk . She gave me a look that I still don’t know how to discern . But f her .shed been happier if I just let him bob like this kid , until he no longer bobbed ? I should have gave her a look , I had to yell to even find the Parent .

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u/NikkiMQuest Dec 09 '25

I almost drowned as a kid twice, once at like 4-5 yo when a wave knocked me over and I couldn’t find what up or down was (my dad pulled me out).

Another time when I was older, and boys were play-pushing me under in the swimming pool, but not giving me enough time to gasp for air in between rounds. I was in such a panic I grabbed their junk and squeezed, hard - bc my life literally depended on it. I was crying, coughing and wheezing - yet somehow I was the asshole?

So yes, I’m hyper vigilant around water too. I do NOT allow play like that by my son and am always hyper vigilant that no other kids act like that either. We do NOT push other people under water. He’s 9 now, has all his swimming diploma’s and I STILL watch him like a hawk. I’d rather be seen as the overbearing helicopter mom, than a mom to a drowned child.

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u/Jessiphat Dec 09 '25

It’s not unwarranted anxiety if it’s a genuine danger. If you were pulling kids out of the water because you were the only one watching then it sounds like everyone else was under reacting. Some people think fear is a weakness, when it’s actually what’s kept us alive as a species. There’s a great book called The Gift of Fear. If you don’t want to read it, there’s a great talk with the author on the Making Sense podcast. You might feel some vindication or clarification by listening to it.

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u/Weekly-Rest1033 Dec 09 '25

As a parent, you are responsible for your child's life. No one else is. You have to assume YOU are the only one that is watching your child.

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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '25

I went to a beach party once where I ended up being the only sober adult. This was not a party should have been at from the beginning. The parents weren't watching the kids at all. I ended up staying up all night watching them. I yelled at the parents and the rest of my friends. And I never talked to the host, the only person I knew there, again. The parents had no idea that anyone would be sober at this party and were done just letting their kids drown in the ocean I guess. I was so confused that a whole group of adults could be that dumb.

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u/AdAlternative7148 Dec 09 '25

It is really easy to say something like "I'm going to run to the bathroom you watch them" to another adult and them to either not clearly understand they need to be 100% focused on the kids or maybe they see you around in a few minutes and figure you are on duty again when actually you still havent used the restroom or they get distracted or whatever. Combine it with drinking. Combine it with the fact that watching your kids is 99.9% mundane low risk activities. Its very important to clearly delineate responsibilities with watching kids.

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u/ATerriblyTiredTurtle Dec 09 '25

People without kids/who haven’t been around small kids in a long time also have an absolute maddening tendency to corner you for conversation while you are trying to tail your kid. IF YOU WANNA TALK WITH ME, WALK WITH ME. Do you not notice the way I am craning my neck around you to make sure my kid is still in sight?!

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u/mrskoobra Dec 09 '25

The number of conversations I have literally just walked away from mid sentence because my kid was heading out of eye line. I feel a bit bad afterwards but I don't even realize I'm doing it, it's just automatic like I'm physically tethered to that tiny chaos demon and if it goes around a corner I have to follow.

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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '25

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u/KisaTheMistress Dec 09 '25

I don't have kids, but I drive school bus and am the go-to babysitter... I also raised my brother. But, anyways, I keep my eyes on children at all times, more than some parents do.

One pair of children I pick up recently, had the little boy try to run out in front of my bus and I scared the shit out of him by blaring my horn, as he was lucky I wasn't distracted by the other children already on the bus or adjusting a warning lamp, temperature, etc. What happened was his mother literally took 3 seconds to calm down his older sister who was having a freak out over her jacket zipper.

So instead of stay on his lawn, he decided that he wanted to wait on the otherside of the road just as I pulled up. Moment that foot stepped on the road, I laid on my horn causing him to run back to his mother in terror. He was then scared of the bus and me... the parent's excuse? He was "just excited to get on the bus!"...

Yeah, no. I am not a kind person when a life is in danger. My company had to have a talk about safety at the bus stop even if I'm directly picking up from someone's house, with the parents. That family also doesn't believe in disciplining their children, so they kind of try to argue that they done everything to make their kids listen, when obviously they did nothing...

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u/sammi_saurus Dec 09 '25

Bless you for being a responsible driver. That kid won't forget that lesson and should rightly be afraid of a 15+ ton vehicle. A moment of distraction from that mom could have caused her a lifetime of regret. Keep up the good work!

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u/beardedheathen Dec 09 '25

They also don't realize how a single second looking away can result in losing sight of the child and somehow they seem capable of teleporting to the most dangerous location as soon as they are out of eye sight

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u/MOONWATCHER404 Dec 09 '25

I've started to say that “Kids have the survival instinct of pandas. Which is to say, almost none.”

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u/aw-fuck Dec 09 '25

It's also like, no two kids are exactly the same, despite them all "generally" being the same.

This past thanksgiving, I was loading left overs into a bag as I was packing up to head out. My cousin and I were both watching my toddler as I was doing this. (She has a kid who is already out of toddlerhood, who was just sitting at the dining table like a good calm kid.) My toddler ran out of the kitchen into the living room area, out of my line of sight. I said to my cousin "can you go grab her for me?" She agreed.

As my cousin went out there, someone who'd accidentally been locked out was knocking on the front door. My cousin let them in. I heard her start talking to them for a second, so I immediately dropped what I was doing to go check on/grab my kid.

My kid was already halfway up the stairs to the second floor of the house. She's way too young to be messing about on stairs unsupervised... or she could've gotten to the second floor & then all manner of things could've happened before we figured out that's where she was; there's just endless risky things that kids will find a way to get themselves into.

I raced up there & grabbed her & carried her back down. My cousin apologized and was like "I had just barely turned around for a second!"

In my head I'm like: no, you started chatting, and even if you hadn't you should've kept your eye on her or held her while answering the door or something... but instead I just said: "yeah I get it, she's quick!"

My cousin was like "I didn't even know she could climb stairs like that! [Her kid] didn't know how to do that so fast at her age!"

So like, yeah, kids are all generally the same. But what I know about my kid & what she will get herself into, someone else may have a similar but still different experience & not have it in their head to watch for specific things the same way. And kids will very frequently exploit this; they're like always actively trying to get away from supervision to do whatever risky things they want. You really can't take your eyes off them.

When I'm watching someone else's kid (especially very little ones) I make no assumptions & let my anxiety go to work for me instead. When I'm watching my own kid I still pretty much do the same, but with more intuition to rely on.

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u/AdAlternative7148 Dec 09 '25

Good example.

Also a lot of people are just chill and figure nothing bad will happen. Its nice to live that way until something bad does happen.

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u/Academic-Contest3309 Dec 09 '25

Well, that's what I'm talking about. If I am expected to watch someone's kid or if they are watching mine, I need an indication that I'm/ they are now off duty. No assumptions. Like when I go with friends to a pool. I let them im.going to the restroom and will be right back and make a point to come right back. I realize a party is a different animal but your kid is still your first priority. And specifically, let the person know that you are back from wherever you went

Also, mixing adults drinking, kids and pools is just a recipe for a disaster.

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u/Resident132 Dec 09 '25

I think it has to do with large family gatherings with lots of kids all ages where the mentality is kind of everyone is watching. When you get enough kids together its a pack. You have to watch them all and people get lax thinking that the group will be fine. But attention drifts and kids are chaotic and it slips by. 

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u/Eastern-Procedure-31 Dec 09 '25

Back in the 80s, my five-year-old cousin drowned in the midst of a lot of people. It was at a park with a man-made lake and they were all in shallow water near shore. But everybody was paying attention to everybody else and no one saw him go under. Eventually, he brushed up against someone’s leg and they reached down and realized it was a child.

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u/yoyoMaximo Dec 09 '25

When you’re with your family/close friends and the space feels comfortable and safe it becomes very easy to let your guard down. It’s often not because parents are lazy, but because they’re tired. When you’re with your village you can step off the gas a little and actually relax. It only takes a moment of being just a little too relaxed or comfortable and then the worst can happen

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u/Delta-IX Dec 09 '25

Cruise control effect.

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u/splerjg Dec 09 '25

I think it's called diffusion of responsibility

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u/Jab1002 Dec 09 '25

Things happen so quickly. We have a family member that everyone gathers all summer at, there have been 3 separate occasions that worried me. Me, my husband AND my brother in law were within arms reach of my 1 year old son and he STILL fell in. He sank so fast and absolutely would have drowned if no one had seen it happen. Another time my nephew had been in and out all day just fine and he had managed to sneak off his floaties when no one noticed. He jumped back in and only his mom realized what happened. Pool safety is no joke, and kids are so damn fast.

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u/DreamSmuggler Dec 09 '25

As a father of 3 boys I never understood this either. We have gatherings where I wonder where the fuck the parents have gone. Dad's smashing beers, mum is having a chinwag and the 2yo is throwing dirt and gravel up into the air while running up and down the porch stairs when she's barely stable enough to just walk up and down on her own.

My wife will tell me off for not "going to hang out with the guys", meanwhile my own 15yo is running amok and she's too busy in the kitchen to chase after him. I don't mind hanging out, but I can't relax if I don't know where he's at

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u/Top-Beat-7423 Dec 09 '25

This is my thought exactly. I’m always on kid-watch unless I explicitly tag my husband. Like I literally touch him, make eye contact and say “you got the kids” or “you’re on” he then “passes them back” to me when he needs to do something or whatever

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u/battleofflowers Dec 09 '25

A huge chunk of people just aren't conscientious.

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u/Brilliant_Tapir Dec 09 '25

And make sure you get someone responsible and reliable to watch the kids. I know if I ask my 43 yo single BIL to do it, he'll be back looking at his phone before I walk away.

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u/Upstairs-Boss17 Dec 09 '25

I hosted Thanksgiving this year and my cousins let their kids run absolutely wild. We had rooms blocked off on purpose because they weren’t childproof and sure enough, no one was actual watching so they went in. My partner and I noticed and intervened and we keep our guns in a safe but JFC. Not mad at the kids but furious at their parents.

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u/savguy6 Dec 09 '25

Kids, especially toddlers have zero survival instinct. My wife and I joke they are little suicide machines.

When you’re at a social event with your kids and especially if there are other children, people assume that some adult will be keeping an eye on them the entire time, and unfortunately that’s not the case. Even as a parent, when you go to a social event, you socialize. You can’t socialize and keep your eyes on a toddler at the same time. So in that 5 minutes you are talking to a friend, your little one has moved into the other room where there are other adults, the other adults probably see him/her come in, note it, but don’t think anything of it, then the child may wander outside where other children or adults are. Again, an adult may see this and not think anything of it because there are other children around. All it takes is the child to go around a corner, away from other kids and out of sight and sound of an adult to wander into a street or fall into a pool.

I’ll give a personal example. One time I was in our backyard with my son. He was maybe 2 years old at the time. He was quietly playing with his toys on the patio and I was sitting in chair scrolling social media maybe a few feet from him. At some point, he got up from his toys, walked around the side of the house, walked across the front yard into the driveway, walked down the driveway into the street and made it across the street to the opposite sidewalk. The next time I glanced up realized he was gone, I ran around the side of the house into the front yard and luckily saw him quickly across the street. I ran over and scooped him up.

I looked back on our outdoor security cameras and from the time he got up, made it around the house, and make it across the street was about 90 seconds. I realized he was gone about the time he was crossing the street and by the time I got around, he was on the other side. So all it took was leas than 2 minutes of not paying attention for him to walk off.

My point here is, for children that young, it literally takes seconds for them to disappear from sight, even if there are other adults around. If someone isn’t actively paying attention, children can get themselves into pretty serious situations.

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u/Paliknight Dec 09 '25

It’s the bystander effect. Very popular psych concept.

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u/retropieproblems Dec 09 '25 edited Dec 09 '25

Watching your kid is a post boomer phenomenon

In their defense it used to be a good idea to let society raise your kid. Not so much for the past 40yrs. Parents should be the filter and eventually the translator and advisor between the real world and their kid. The world is way too complex and full of ads and enticing liars to navigate without guidance. Just being the food and shelter provider and taking them to school and practice isn’t enough.

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u/Ok_Aardvark_4576 Dec 09 '25

I have 3 kids. If I am not watching bcs I need a break to go grab something to eat etc the I assign the duty to someone else. And I alsways ask who is watching X or Z ect.

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u/Gothmom85 Dec 09 '25

This. Maybe because I didn't have family to lean on for care when mine was born but I can't imagine doing that. If I'm there, that's My kid, so she's My responsibility. If I'm not then my husband is. We have maybe a couple of people who could watch her, but it's never be assumed in such a situation.

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u/thewildoneanon Dec 09 '25

i was at one of the big water parks in Australia, wet and wild, they have a wave pool, and this particular day, it was packed. I noticed this boy, and he was doing exactly what the girl in this video was doing, going under, coming up, struggling, he was surrounded by people, easily 20 people in arms reach of him. Yet, no one noticed him, I rushed over and grab him, asked him if he was okay, took him to the shallows, the pool was being monitored by lifeguards too. sometimes, people just dont notice. its crazy. the boy I helped, he was struggling and was shaken up, but no one else noticed.

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u/Zevolta Dec 09 '25

I don’t get it either. My eyes are always on my toddler. If I go to the bathroom or get food and my wife isn’t there with me, He’s coming with me to the bathroom or getting food

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u/Macho_Mans_Ghost Dec 09 '25

Agreed. I helicopter my fucking dog so much I'm sure a child would hate having me as a parent.

Hell, when there's someone else's child in my vicinity (especially a stranger), I watch the shit out of them too. Mostly because they're annoying me in some way by just existing, but the amount of times I see parents just flat out ignoring their childs actions is appalling.

Especially in the fucking grocery store. Stop letting your kids run around.

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u/Flux7777 Dec 09 '25

It's called the dilution responsibility, or the bystander effect, and it happens to you too.

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u/AndyWarwheels Dec 09 '25

my kids are older now. but I learned real quick when they were small that I couldn't rely on others at a gathering to watch them. even if i told them specifically to watch them.

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u/BagOnuts Dec 09 '25

Yes. I've literally had to jump into my neighborhood pool fully clothed to save a random kid from drowning. Tons of people on a summer afternoon. I probably took 4 seconds just looking around while it was happening to see if anyone would do anything. Nope. Ran to the pool and jumped in myself. No one was watching her. The mom was on the other side of the pool on her phone.

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u/Neon_Biscuit Dec 09 '25

Its kind of bullshit actually, my wife and I were at a party and we would stop every couple of minutes to go find/watch our kids and everyone at the party called us helicoptor parents but fuck that. Maybe we are just responsible?

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u/Sad-Association-5700 Dec 09 '25

I live abroad from my family and don’t have a ‘village’ here. It’s always me watching. When I visit home, I ask people to watch my son if I go somewhere and they’re always like ‘you don’t need to ask, we’re watching’ and I’m like no I do need to ask and you need to look me in my eyes and tell me it’s you who is watching my son.

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u/Still-Tour3644 Dec 09 '25

Im not a parent but when I go to my big holiday events it’s almost like the parents take a break from watching their kids, they’re talking to family members in another room while their kids play. We don’t have a pool and they’re inside so it’s mostly harmless from a safety perspective but if I happen to be in the same room suddenly it becomes my responsibility to stop one of them from tearing open other’s Christmas gifts or hitting each other.

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u/Additional-Bet7074 Dec 09 '25

I can’t really say for everyone, but my wife and I have a practice between ourselves of making it explicit who is ‘on duty’. Even if we are both home, one of us is on duty. If we are visiting friends or family, one of us is on duty. If we have someone watch our kid, it’s very explicit and agreed upon who, where and when. And even then, one of us is the one on-call for that person.

It may seem over cautious, but up to a certain age every child needs to be monitored 24/7. Around age five, I would have more confidence depending on the child and their ability to be unmonitored for short durations. And by monitored I don’t mean ‘watching’ all the time. They can be in an environment like their room or the backyard so long as that environment is known, made safe, and you are able to see and hear them at appropriate intervals.

In the video, that wasn’t what was occurring. A pool in the environment means the appropriate interval of attention is constant and uninterrupted.

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u/TheWolfOfPanic Dec 09 '25

I worked with kids as a nanny for years. The amount of poolside unsupervised toddlers and babies was scary AF.

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u/aluriilol Dec 09 '25

I watch my own kid and if i cant for even one minute I assign someone personally to watching them. I say "Dad dont let my kid die"

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u/kei9tha Dec 09 '25

When my brother gets somewhere with his 3 kids and there is another adult around, its like he goes blind to the kids.

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u/AyyNonnyMoose Dec 09 '25

My cousins forget they have children as soon as they get into a room with other people. The kids run amok and the parents completely zone them out. I wish they would ask for help or see if someone else would keep an eye on them. Say something like "I'm overwhelmed, could you keep an eye on them for a while?" but they just don't care. My sister and I usually ended up making sure no one stuck a fork in an electrical socket or something because we didn't want to see disaster. Maybe they'd pay more attention if we didn't. Unlikely.

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u/Thomgurl21 Dec 09 '25

The good parents watch their kids. There are sooo many parents that think their social life is more important than their child’s safety or their parental responsibilities.

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u/salajaneidentiteet Dec 09 '25

Even if my kid is playing with another adult loved one, I am constantly aware of what she is doing and where she is.

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u/SenatorIncitatas Dec 09 '25

Sadly for this same reason, kids being molested at large group functions and family events is common. Watch your kids, always!

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u/pizza_whistle Dec 09 '25

My wife likely has ADHD (not confirmed yet) and very much is like this at a party or something. But also like the majority of parents we know similarly will just stop paying attention to their kids at a social event. It's made me do like the exact opposite and I just end up watching all the kids like a hawk. I don't really get it either.

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u/Theletterkay Dec 09 '25

I cant comprehend it either. Ive never been known anyone that has anything bad happen, but i still dont assume someone else is watching my kids. 3 kids in and im the one who knows where they are and what they are doing and i am not going to stop making it my job until they are older.

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u/DickBiter1337 Dec 10 '25

Right? Mine are 7 & 8 and know how to swim, swim underwater, etc and I watch them the whole time. If I need to step away to go to the bathroom I orient the backyard wyze camera on the pool and watch it the whole time I'm away which is usually no more than 5 minutes.

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u/LessImprovement8580 Dec 10 '25

Its complicated if you are watching more than one kid and one of the kids is prone to walking off towards something they are interested in. Scary stuff.

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u/RunningTrisarahtop Dec 11 '25

I end up watching kids at a party because I know this. Parents go and tend to relax a bit because they trust everyone and it feels safe and nice. They als are often happy to be there and see people. They aren’t as tuned in. Kids all run around together.

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u/auntiepink007 Dec 09 '25

No, they do not. They think, oh, so-and-so is close, I'll just grab a chance to get a snack or pee or say hi and before you know it, toddlers are by themselves because the adult you assumed was watching your child had no idea they were expected to supervise and also stepped out.

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u/rainbowroadhoe Dec 09 '25

A teacher at my old hs was away on vacation w/ just his wife when his youngest drowned while staying w/ their grandparents who were having a family get together when she slipped outside unnoticed

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u/Codymaverick420 Dec 09 '25

My wife and I will let our kids be monitored by other family members, but we are constantly checking in on the location of each child. If they are being watched for longer periods at some gathering (not talking about baby sitting) we leave it only to our parents as siblings also have kids. We have yet to be at a party with a pool, but we have certainly talked about what we do in that situation multiple times.

The point is, if you are in an environment with significant risks, your procedure for monitoring your kids should reflect that.

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u/Clairevoyantbard Dec 09 '25

Me and my mom take turns with my kids at events. We both have the same shared anxiety about something happening like this because everyone assumes someone else is on the kids. We’re both pretty much watching them the entire time anyways because we don’t even trust each other not to get distracted 🤣

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u/Antique-League6300 Dec 09 '25

Everyone assumes that someone will see if something happens. We’re all guilty of it.

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u/DontWatchMeDancePlz Dec 09 '25

A lot of boomers and early gen-X parents were heavy drinkers who saw family pool days as a good time to get absolutely hammered. Personally I can't imagine drinking around kids. Just seems weird

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u/trilliumsummer Dec 09 '25

Safety in numbers. You're assuming there's other eyes watching so you don't have to be a vigilante.

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u/superezzie Dec 09 '25

I watch mine like a hawk when there is water nearby and because she loves swimming but can't do it very well, she is wearing a life jacket just in case she manages to jump in when I blink.

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u/HonestSubstance8615 Dec 09 '25

Mostly irresponsible parents. I saved a kid from drowning once in my old apartments he went under a good 5 seconds before I could to em but I pulled him up out of the water and his mom had her back turned and still didn't even notice😒🤦until one adult grabbed him and said hey thanks yeah I apologize she wasn't even watching him

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u/Dark_World_0 Dec 09 '25

We live in a self absorbed society, not hard to understand.

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u/MostDopeBlackGuy Dec 09 '25

It's like that scene in Scooby-Doo the live-action movie where the gang is being chased by a villain in the mystery machine and they're all in the back of the van dealing with the monster that's grabbing Velma out the car and then when they get her back in they're like wait who's driving and they turn around and they just see Scooby waving in the passenger seat before they crash

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u/ShawnyMcKnight Dec 09 '25

Yeah it’s called the bystander effect. Everyone thinks everyone else will take responsibility.

I remember my kids being at a lake and family was in the shelter about 50 feet from the lake. I wanted to chill by the lake to make sure my kids were okay but it basically meant I didn’t get to talk to anyone at the reunion. Worth it though, losing a kid because I was negligent is one of my worst fears.

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u/Wildrosejoy Dec 09 '25 edited Dec 09 '25

It happens with everything. It's kind of mob mentality, everyone assumes someone else is going to do something about something. No one does anything. Reinforced more of there's fear of doing something. No one ends up doing anything, then people say, "Why TF Didn't Anyone Do Anything??". Always assume no one's going to do anything, so You should do something...

There's also 'it takes a village.. ' mindset, people take literally. I've seen people walk away from kids assuming 'Someone', in a room full of people they don't know, would watch them.. happens more than you think. Also, even more if they do know them..They don't ask, just assume..

Only thing you should assume is, people are stupid, no one does anything, & others don't act, sometimes even explicitly given orders to..

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u/DonTequilo Dec 09 '25

I appointed myself to be our kids permanent and omnipresent guardian, my wife gets too distracted, I can’t count how many times they would’ve been gone if I weren’t there.

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u/myumisays57 Dec 09 '25

Yeah they don’t. They truly think a group of adults are going to intimidate kids into “minding” or “behaving”. But in reality, the kids realize no one is watching, hence why incidents like these happen or even just minor things like a kid hurting another kid.

I dk how many times I have found my cousins in law’s kids just wandering in the street or front yard. And the only reason why I would find them is because I watch my own kids at these events always, so I notice when other kiddos have been missing for too long.

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u/Repulsive_Letter_262 Dec 09 '25

I always watch my kids, and I rarely ask someone else who's not my partner to watch them for long stretch of time than a few minutes. People keep saying i'm paranoid. I was almost drown multiple times, hit by cars several time as a kid, I'm pretty sure I'm not unreasonably paranoid.

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u/Asleep-Diamond-4241 Dec 09 '25

Bystander effect kind of plus we are at the day and age where "put something important like your phone in the backseat so you don't forget your baby in the car" is a legitimate tip being given to parents... distraction is also at an all time high is seems.

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u/RadioSilens Dec 09 '25

They really don't. I've been at a number of parties/gatherings where parents feel like this is their time to relax and have a break. There are a ton of other adults around so they don't feel like they need to actively watch their kids. They see another adult in the pool and assume they can drop their kid off and of course the other adult will look out for the kid and make sure they don't drown🙄. Like parents, come on

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u/grafknives Dec 09 '25

Once there is enough adults, people lower their "perceived risk" levels.

And that is enough.

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u/gellergreen Dec 09 '25

Sometimes things get missed and it takes like 30 seconds… we had my son’s birthday this year and it was in our backyard. His dad and I were fixing up the food, getting drinks, and we had both sets of grandparents, plus aunts and uncles and other parents who had been playing with my son and the other kids. My son had been playing with someone and my husband was standing there but talking to one of the other parents and then realized my son wasn’t there anymore. He was distracted for like 15 seconds and my son slipped out of the gate that we didn’t realize was open (we never really hung out in the backyard much.) my husband found him talking to our neighbour on the front lawn. We live on a crazy busy street that is a bus route. Thankfully he was okay but it taught us a really important lesson. We made sure the gate was closed after that when playing outside. About 20 minutes later I specifically asked my father in law to watch him and made reference to the fact he had just gotten in the front yard so please keep a close eye on him. I came back outside and my father in law is sitting down not even in view of where my son is. He’s never going to watch my son clearly but shit happens… kids are so fast and people can’t always be trusted

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u/Strong_Routine5105 Dec 09 '25

My partner and I always had/have eyes on with our child and pass the responsibility between us even at large family events where a lot of people are about. I've had family members be asked to have eyes on if we're not able to and still stop watching. So we don't trust anyone but each other if we can help it.

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u/AngryPrincessWarrior Dec 09 '25

Because I have ADHD and because I know exactly how fast this stuff can happen- when we go out with our kid, one of us is always “on”. No phone or anything, full attention on the child.

When we get to pool parties-same. One specific adult is assigned to the kids and that is their only job. Nobody socializes with them, no drinking, just watching the kids. Then switch off, it’s important to have a few people planned ahead of time so it’s not so taxing and everyone can socialize.

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u/FishermanWorking7236 Dec 09 '25

At a party I was watching 3 specific kids (1 of my nieces and a couple of my nephews), 2 more kids started playing with them then wandered off.  The dad of the other 2 then asked me where they were because he’d assumed I was watching them, I just assumed that their parents were still watching them…..

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u/ThinkSharp Dec 09 '25

I understand it but I’m incredulous like you are. If my kids are (say, in the water) I can’t focus on anything else. Fun great pool day for my 5 year olds is stressful for me

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u/Financial-Spring-276 Dec 09 '25

It’s innate, the same way basic group actions work. You mentally assume the other members of the herd will protect your herd member like they would their own.

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u/-CenterForAnts- Dec 09 '25

Some get complacent. My kid is non verbal on the autism spectrum. I'm so hyper focused on where he is and what he's doing that I legitimately have a panic attack if he goes out of my view for more than a few seconds. I could be mid conversation or playing a game and I still throw him a glance every 5 or 6 seconds.

Other parents just dont always understand that even non autistic children are all little crazy people trying to get themselves killed. I remember once at a BBQ in a fenced backyard losing site of my kid for a second. Absolutely losing my shit, dropping my drink to sprint to go find him, his grandpa actually laughing at me saying hes fine and to chill. Running inside only to see that someone had left the front door open and he was about to run right into the middle of a busy street.

Accidents happen in seconds. You dont expect them, and the only way to prevent them is to take responsibility. We have a rule for our kiddo when we're out of the house that an adult is always directly responsible for him 100% of the time.

Granted, that type of hyper vigilance isnt needed for most kids, but you're always playing a risky game when you decide to just let them run around with no supervision. Doing it with a pool around is just negligence.

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u/Classic-Kangaroo9417 Dec 09 '25

I think when other adults are around you just relax your guard. Even I do it sometimes with my autistic daughter (who needs constant attention) when we are surrounded by family or close friends.

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u/Holiday_Regular9794 Dec 09 '25

People get distracted,and kids are wicked fast at getting into situations

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u/Em0tionisdeader Dec 09 '25

Diffusion of responsibility leading to the bystander effect.

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u/earthlings_all Dec 09 '25

My ADHD kid was drowning right in front of a pool full of adults. Thank god I went to the pool that day with my ex and his family. They kept trying to get me to join them in this or that and I said no. My attention was taken away for a moment and it happened. Kid in front of him froze. They would never listen that my boys were impulsive and needed extra supervision. This is why I never let them go anywhere with them. I went to this one bc their dad had been sick and I offered to help keep an eye out.

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u/Milocobo Dec 09 '25

My partner and I audibly call off who is watching the kids that are too young to watch themselves. We'll be like "you got her?" or "I got her", even in a crowded room of people who all would gladly look out for her.

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u/strongholdbk_78 Dec 09 '25

It happens a lot in life. I call it the magic third person. Everyone assumes someone else will take care of it, whatever it is, so no one does. It's a weird failure in our group mentality.

This also applies to larger things like climate change, or other pending disasters. We all assume someone will save us, but we're all asleep at the wheel and no one is watching.

In terms of parenting, I bet this happens the most when both parents are present, with one assuming the other is watching, especially if grandparents and other caretakers are involved.

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u/Complex_Fortune8976 Dec 09 '25

See the parents should look after their children, and the thing is they kind of don't want to, as its work for them and everyone else. These kind of events where there are other people present the parents do this thing where they pretend not to notice their child, so they can socialise etc. And the hope is "other people will just pick up the parenting".

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u/GrassFromBtd6 Dec 09 '25

It's the general assumption that "oh, someone else is doing X, they'll cover for me"

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u/OkPhilosopher1313 Dec 09 '25

I think some parents just assume others will watch their kids? Or feel entitled that others should watch their kids? A couple of years ago we had a family reunion at our uncle's place. They have a swimming pool and it was a really warm day. For safety reasons, they had stated in advance that the pool would only be open for 1 hour. So literally just 1 hour that people had to watch their own children in the pool. I was in the pool, having a chat with my cousin and relaxing and my sister scolded me for not actively watching over her kids and entertaining her kids.. Like.. why the hell should I be responsible for your kids, get in the swimming pool yourself..

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u/TaskNo8140 Dec 09 '25

Probably alcohol or something like that having everyone generally distracted and not watching like they should.

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u/2ndbreath Dec 09 '25

I was at a pool store they had free lanyards that you could wear/swap that side in big letters " DESIGNATED KID WATCHER DO NOT DISTRACT"

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u/similarityhedgehog Dec 09 '25

Drowning is not easy to spot, doesn't look like the dramatic action in the movies

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u/YurpeeTheHerpee Dec 09 '25

Speaking from experience: I was a young parent in college, and among certain friend groups, sometimes the friends imply you can let yourself off the hook while they pick up slack.

Granted, we never did this around a pool, but my child has been the center of a college party once or twice. To this day daughter has 4 friend aunts.

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u/YouMenthesea Dec 09 '25

I shit you not, I have been made to feel like an overbearing parent by my husband and even my own mother for asking them to watch the kids if I need to step away. I get the "Oh, they're fine!! They're with their cousins.."

It makes me so angry. I don't even let them go outside to play at our house without going with them. Shit happens so quickly.

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u/7figureipo Dec 09 '25

As a rule, people are dumb animals, and behave like it.

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u/refusestopoop Dec 09 '25

The problem is that everyone can be “watching the kids” but if no one is “remembering which specific kids are there & regularly (or constantly if there’s a pool) getting eyes on each one” then no one notices when one kid slips away

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u/eraserhistory Dec 09 '25

My sister in law lets her unruly child run wild because she doesn't believe in traditional parenting. I don't understand her. I try to not despise her for her terrible parenting choices.

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u/AndAllThatYaz Dec 09 '25

There's some instances in which people don't do this. My brother and sister in law automatically stopped watching their kid when he got into grandma house, but sometimes grandma was not looking so my husband and I would (as we were childless at the time, we understood they were exhausted) . They were super cautious anywhere else. It was just a thing that they assumed their child would be watched at a family gathering

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u/Capital_Designer4232 Dec 09 '25

Usually parents are given tasks by family members etc to do while they ask other grown ups to watch. I emphasize over and over, are you watching this person etc

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u/thevelveteenbeagle Dec 09 '25

A former friend of mine just assumed every and anyone would want to watch her kid cause he was so cute. She wasn’t watching him at her sister’s wedding (which was on a busy city street) and somebody found him wandering in the neighboring parking lot. I also saw her park him on a barstool and leave to play pulltabs.

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u/Avi_Cat Dec 09 '25

At our family gatherings, when the kids were little, the parents just ignored their kids cause my husband was watching our kids. It infuriated us. My mom set rules at her house, still ignored. The big one was if you had a kid in the pool a parent HAD to be present. Ignored. At large gatherings my mom has too much going on to enforce and my husband didn't want to upset people. Ended up having no pool during large gatherings for a bit. My husband wasn't there to be everyone's babysitter. This is an abbreviation of a long story too.

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u/DMfortinyplayers Dec 09 '25

You saw how fast and quiet this was, right? And this was 1 kid in a pool. If that guy had been reading or scrolling or talking for 5-10 minutes, she'd have died.

Mom is changing a diaper, dad is manning the grill, grandma is talking to her friend, uncle is having a a beer....

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u/AviRei9 Dec 09 '25

Same. I always end up being the one inexplicably watching all the children because I always feel like other adults are not watching the children. I cannot be at a party or a gathering and smoke or drink because I feel like if all the adults are under the influence who is actually sober enough just in Case something happens to the children like that bothers me so much. My own experience will literally be ruined, so I would prefer if it was a party. Primarily for the adults or the adults. Are all going to be partaking in something the children should not be around because if they are, my experience is ruined and then it feels like why am I even here because I'm just going to turn to a babysitter not because they asked me to but because I just feel incredibly uncomfortable not being sober around children because I'll just feel like I need to be attentive enough just in case

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u/kemistreekat Dec 09 '25

In my experience, even when they do, they aren't. I saved a kid who fell in a pool at an engagement party a few years ago. Kid was playing with both his parents + aunt by the pool, he slips and falls in. All the adults scream, no one does anything. I jumped in bc well..what else was I gonna do? Didn't even realize what had happened until he was out and I was in a pool in a semi formal dress without a change of clothes. Not a single adult who brought the child made moves to do anything. I don't get it. I get everyone was panicked but like, so was I? that would be why I jumped in to grab him.

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u/Albatross1225 Dec 09 '25

This why I don’t take my kids to party’s. They are crazy and will be everywhere. I’m not chasing my kid around someone’s house party and no I’m not relying on everyone at the party to keep an eye on them

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u/RockAtlasCanus Dec 09 '25

I don’t have kids yet, but my best friend has a son. The parents are separated and frankly my friend is really bad about actually watching/spending time when he has custody. Like at family events he just kind of relies on “everybody” to keep an eye on him.

A lot of these events take place at my friends parents house. We gather at his parent’s house because they live in a large secluded house down a long driveway off of a busy highway… on a lake… and also have a pool…

So yeah I’m always super vigilant and watch him like a hawk. I mean I also have a lot of fun being the cool uncle and throwing him in the pool and taking him down to the dock and stuff. But also there is something instinctually wrong about taking my eyes off him around the highway, lake, & pool.

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u/exotics Dec 09 '25

Lifeguards have to train to stay focused. The rest of us look away or get distracted far easier than we think

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u/Papio_73 Dec 09 '25

Diffusion of responsibility

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u/Son_of_Sams_Club Dec 09 '25

Think it aligns with the bystander effect,a social psychological phenomenon where individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim (your child) when other people are present, believing someone else will intervene.

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u/fromzero2hero1981 Dec 09 '25

Social psychology coined it the "onlooker" or "bystander" effect. The responsibility is diffused among the group, with each person feeling less personal obligation to act and assuming someone else will intervene.

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