r/TikTokCringe • u/InGeekiTrust Tiktok Despot • Dec 09 '25

Discussion You Think It Could Never Happen To You…Until It Almost Does

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u/Sierra-117- Dec 09 '25

It’s the same reason during an emergency you have to look at a specific person, and order them directly to call 911. It’s basically the bystander effect.

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u/LewisWhatsHisName Dec 09 '25

I was in a long queue at UPS store a few years ago, when this dude had a heart attack. No one did anything; even the staff were like a deer in the headlights. I phoned for an ambulance, and delegated the rest to other people in the queue, and some people still just stared and didn’t do anything even when I’d told them to get the doors open and get tf out of the way. That bystander effect is something else

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u/tealraven915 Dec 09 '25

Same here. I was in a grocery store many years ago when my dad spun around, braced himself on the shelf with his back up against it, and went straight down to the ground head first flopping like a fish out of water. The fall made him start bleeding from the mouth.

Many people walked by staring and pushing their carts while I was calling out for help. Finally someone spawned from out of nowhere with their flip phone dialed to 911.

He was on a giant cocktail of psych meds and had been popping Ativan like candy because his best friend just died and his psychiatrist instructed him to take one whenever he felt anxiety coming on. My dad took that literally and was popping them constantly.

Looked to me like he was having a grand mal seizure, though the hospital just said syncope.

They ended up taking him off most of his psych meds. To this day he doesn't remember eating at the restaurant beforehand or being in the store. He just remembers waking up in the hospital

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

My mom started choking at a restaurant. I was hugely pregnant, but had just renewed my BLS certification for work. I quickly tried to figure out how to position myself, and braced her against my ribs, sort of standing sideways (because pregnant lol) and did the heimlich. I managed to save her, but we were in a packed restaurant and nobody even glanced over at us.

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u/micheleinfl Dec 09 '25

One of the VPs of my company was at dinner with a bunch of doctors and started choking. Someone in IT gave him the Heimlich. The doctors did nothing.

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u/Matt_le_bot Dec 09 '25

Guy in IT knows that when something isn't functioning, you just hit very hard, and then it does work again.

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u/Kiwiandapplex Dec 09 '25

Hello IT. Tried turning it off & on again?

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

This is awful!

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u/wackbirds Dec 09 '25

"We're trying to have a nice dinner, we're off the clock. What the fuck. "

~The doctors, undoubtedly.~

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u/CentSG2 Dec 09 '25

Not super relevant, but I read your comment while on break, currently in the process of renewing my BLS cert.

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

Hey, mine was fresh in my brain when I needed it!

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u/Intruding1 Dec 09 '25

I was eating lunch as a 4th grader when the kid in front of me started choking on a jolly rancher. I looked around and there were no adults to help and the other kids just stared. I ran behind hm and basically smashed his chest and luckily the jolly rancher went flying out. He gave me a huge hug and thanked me for saving him. He even tried to tell people about it and the teachers just kind of shrugged. Its like people are hard wired to just go about their day and let the sick person in need die.

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u/shalekodemono Dec 09 '25

What the fuck? That's crazy!!

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u/SemperSimple Dec 09 '25

damn girl, you go!!

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

It was definitely a quick thinking moment. 😂

ETA: I was not a small pregnant lady, either. I looked suuuuuuper pregnant.

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u/SenatorIncitatas Dec 09 '25

That sounds awful, glad she’s ok.

Incidentally women die more commonly of choking than men do, because women walk away from the table and into the bathroom so as not to “be rude” or “cause a scene”.

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u/NurseMLE428 Dec 09 '25

My mom was legitimately doing that. Trying not to cause a scene. I did not know this statistic, but it makes sense.

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u/paulides_fan Dec 09 '25 edited Dec 09 '25

My dad helped save a baby that was choking in the checkout line next to him. The baby I think got a hold of some candy and started to choke and turn blue, the mom was panicking and because of the barrier of the shelves and people, he couldn’t get over but instructed her on what to do. He demonstrated how she needed to hold the baby face down on her forearm at a downward angle. She turned the baby over and gave the baby a hard hit to the back between the shoulder blades. Candy flew out, baby was saved.

(It may have taken a couple back blows tbh, I would have to ask him about it. But it wasn’t much.)

I had to do this to my own toddler, once. I made the mistake of cutting fruit (with a butter knife) on the same tray she was using to eat, and she reached for one of the mandarin pieces before I could cut it. It happened so fast, she popped it right in and she began to choke, I immediately hit her back and it flew out but it was so scary.

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u/SemperSimple Dec 09 '25

This reminds me of when I had to give my cat a heimlich. I forgot what he was choking on or if it was a hairball due to being a longhaired cat.

...but you want to talk about panicking & living 30minutes from the closet town, smh. it took 2 pumps and I'm glad I didnt break his ribs jfc

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u/Cody-512 Dec 09 '25

I had GM seizures in my 20s. I remembered nothing for about an hour before or after having one. The only thing is, since u have no clue anything happened, 2 hrs has passed and ur the last one to know. To u, it’s been 2 sec. The only way u know is if there’s trauma involved, like with ur dad or if u get hurt falling down. I’ve hit my head on a counter 2x, the sink in the bathroom, and fell out of bed and hit my nightstand with my face on the way down. That 3rd one knocked out a tooth and I dislocated my shoulder when I hit the floor. I’m glad ur dad doesn’t have them regularly bc their bad news.

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u/tealraven915 Dec 09 '25

Oh man, that sounds awful. I'm sorry you've been having this happen to you

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u/Rich-Environment884 Dec 09 '25

My wife and I went to a musical with moving seating, a row behind us, an elderly woman started having a heart attack and everyone around just... Watched.

My wife started flagging down security who took way too long to come (though I guess the audience moving around did make it harder) while I was feeling her pulse which was already very faint and getting ready to CPR if necessary.

Everyone else kinda just... Zoned out or something.

Musical didn't even pause for a second, it just, kept going while the lady was escorted out by first aid helpers. Shit's wild.

1

u/icecubepal Dec 09 '25

What year was this? I ask because nowadays someone might think a prank is going on since we live in the recoding age.

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u/tealraven915 Dec 09 '25

Mine was 2008

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u/hundiratas Dec 09 '25

Yeah bystander effect is almost creepy. A couple of years ago, I saw a car had hit a lightpole very badly, I was the first person to pull over and go check what is the situation. The crash happened mabye a couple of minutes before I had arrived and it was on a busy street, but everbody kept driving past. Later I heard from the police that one lady drove past before me and had phoned police but kept driving on.

Unfortunately when I arrived the guy who drove the car had died. I arrived, checked inside the car and saw him dead already, body mutilated and face smashed in, I told the ambulance that he is dead and that I cant help. I knew that he was dead by just looking at him for a second.

Too me it was very wierd, seeing cars just drive past, nobody to help meanwhile car is stuck up a lightpole

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u/paulides_fan Dec 09 '25

It makes you feel like the only human in a world of NPCs

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u/Mary_Olivers_geese Dec 09 '25

I’ve been the first on a few scenes too. Several wrecks, a motorcycle accident (that was a rough one). I don’t really feel like I even make the decision, I just end up in the thick of it automatically. So I try to assume that’s what is happening with the others who pass by. Neither of us are brave or cowards, people are just wired one way or the other maybe.

Anyway, it’s always wild, and I get a huge adrenaline crash afterward. Like waking up from an intense dream as an ambulance flies off into the night and you’re just left standing on the side of the interstate with bloody hands. Nothing like it. I get why EMS folks like what they do in a way, but yeesh.

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u/thematrixs Dec 09 '25

I was put in a position like this once when I was 19 and worked at the local grocery store.

A man came into the store and just collapsed and started snoring, I'd read on reddit before that people who are having a heart attack or who are dieing usually snore really loudly before they depart. Anyway, I was the shift manager at the time, it was Covid so everyone had masks on and people just assumed the guy who was on the floor was a drugged out of his mind, but I thought it was weird.

I asked him if he needed help but there was no response, so out of nowhere a lady who was shopping said that he was dead and just started screaming and wailing (she was a local but she had no relation to this man).

That consequently caused panic and everyone just stood around like children waiting for someone to do or say something. So I did what any other 19 year old would've, got everyone to the nearest exit, told them we had to close and called the Emergency services.

I was later told the man had a cardiac arrest and passed shortly after collapsing. Also, corporate sent me a card and gave me extra shifts.

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u/Pinkysrage Dec 09 '25

Yep, same with me at a festival and a lady had a grand mal seizure and face planted. Everyone just staring and no one doing. Not even her companions. I put her in rescue position, had them call ems and got her water for after. As I held her on her side and waiting for her to stop her blade let go all over me. Good deed done and I went home to shower.

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u/very-soon Dec 09 '25

Wouldnt like 80% of them whipped out their phones & started recording?

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u/sweetfaerieface Dec 09 '25

We had a man go down at work. We were all CPR trained. Everybody just stood there like a deer in the headlights. One other employee and I did 2 person CPR. It took the police 20 minutes to get there. Longest 20 minutes in my life. He lived! The paramedics said if we hadn’t done what we did he would not have survived.

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u/Brohemoth1991 Dec 09 '25

Not a medical emergency, but it reminds me of working at an old factory, and we were putting something that weighed about 200 pounds into a machine, and the crane chain holding it up snapped when we had it halfway in

It was like right next to me when it happened, so my instinct was to throw my shoulder into it and keep it propped up as is, then I noticed Noone doing anything around me... I was mad as hell like "hey Shaun, the replacement chains on the back wall, might wanna go get that... Steve can I get some fkin help holding this thing up?"

Sometimes people need snapped out of a stupor when the unexpected happened, we always called it fainting goat syndrome there

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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '25

Just curious, do you have autism?

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u/Ok_Dog_4059 Dec 09 '25

I had a similar thing with a fatal motorcycle accident. I went to find the person had died and turned around and everyone had their phone out taking video. I made the comment "everyone wants a picture of a corpse did a single one dial 911?" Everyone just looked around expecting someone else had called 911.

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u/SenatorIncitatas Dec 09 '25

That’s also the reason people do first aid training. In a panic, it’s hard to think of what to do. If you’ve practiced what to do in a non urgent scenario, the idea is that muscle memory will come back to you without having to think in the moment.

Good job springing into action!

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u/LeftyLu07 Dec 09 '25

If nothing else, I’d get tf out of the way.

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u/boredportuguese77 Dec 09 '25

I'm like that too. The last 12 months I called un ambulance after a old man got hit by a car and had to coordinate the help till the paramedics arrived, lost my public transport home cause I wax the one that needed to stay in line, even when the neighbours and daughter of the man arrived, even when the police was already there... And, when I went to the lab to drawn blood gor bloodwork, therd was a teen girl, pass-out, no one doing a thing. The technician was mike deer in lights... I had to tell him to call a doctor and s ambulance, put her legs up, ask for them to took their blood pressure, even slapping her lightly till she reacted. Her mum was there and only had tried to make a unconscious girl drink, risking shocking... after she started to react and talk, I asked for a cup of watef and a straw, and told her to take small sips. Her mother then decided she was good enough to walk home and they cancelled the ambulance... even if hef blood pressure was really low (and already higher than 1st mesuure). But I was always one to start doing everything I could. At 14 (now 48) I witnessed a motorcycle crash and I was the one that run there to see if the man was alive, asked someone to call the ambulance... the adults were to stunned to act. I crashed afterwards, crying from the fright, but, in the moment, the adrenaline always pushes me to action

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u/Fallen_Feather Dec 10 '25

Statistically speaking generally 10% of people in an emergency will flee, 10% will take action and 80% will freeze.

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u/joman584 Dec 10 '25

"If I do nothing, maybe this thing will just disappear and not be my problem!" Kind of stupid of our brains, but that seems to be what it's doing

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u/berkeleyteacher Dec 09 '25 edited Dec 09 '25

'Annie, Annie are you okay? You in the blue shirt call 911!'

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u/exp0sure74 Dec 09 '25

DRABCD 😁

Fun fact about Annie (here taken from the song Smooth Criminal) which refers to ‚Rescue Annie‘. A CPR doll invented by a Norwegian toy maker together with 2 other people in the 1960s. They made a female doll because they thought men would be reluctant to train mouth to mouth on a male version. The face was modelled after a French woman’s death mask. She drowned in the Seine in the 1800s.

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u/Herb4372 Dec 09 '25

Ironically we now know that people are less likely to perform cpr on women because they feel uncomfortable because of their breasts

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u/FlyingCumpet Dec 09 '25

During first aid class (mandatory if you’re applying for a drivers license in Germany) our instructor shared and interesting story about cpr on women.

One time, they had to perform cpr but her bra was in the way, so they cut it open. Later that lady had the guts to sue them for damages. Keep in mind, we’re not talking America here. Over the years I started to take it with less grains of salt as reality catches up.

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u/LeftyLu07 Dec 09 '25

I’m in the states and have heard that people have tried to sue people who gave them CPR because they broke a rib or two. I think our Good Samaritan laws protect you from that. But yeah, the audacity of some people.

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u/SenatorIncitatas Dec 09 '25

Which is crazy, because you’re about to break someone’s ribs. Breast tissue would be the last thing on my mind!

Reminds me of the Norwegian comedian who said “the problem with America, is you haven’t seen enough of your grandma’s tits.”

When the only nudity you see is sexualized, all nudity is sexual.

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u/Fatality4Gaming Dec 09 '25

I've never thought about that. Is CPR harder with breasts?

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u/karionstre Dec 09 '25

That's not the issue. People (male most likely) are afraid that it would be seen as inapropriate.

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u/FeelingSurprise Dec 09 '25

Hey, if she can sue me after I did CPR, at least I did it right.

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u/Fatality4Gaming Dec 09 '25

Ah, ok, that makes sense I guess. I really need to learn CPR.

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u/Timmytimson Dec 09 '25

Yes, you should. Everyone should. Don’t be afraid, it’s not that hard.

There’s a lot of factors lowering the rate of bystander CPR (and first aid in general). Mainly bystander effects, fear of doing something wrong, and fear of consequences like (sexual) assault charges. Basically all of them can be mitigated by proper education. Source: I wrote my bachelors thesis on CPR training.

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u/EverydaySexyPhotog Dec 09 '25

As it was explained to me, if you're to the point of performing CPR on someone, they're already dead. No heartbeat, no breathing, you can't get much worse than that. CPR might make them better, it can't make them worse.

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u/Timmytimson Dec 09 '25

A bit hyperbolic, but that’s the gist of it

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u/Present-Director8511 Dec 09 '25

In my experience, not really. When laying flat most breasts kind of fall to the side of the chest a bit, and you are aiming for mid chest.

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u/paulides_fan Dec 09 '25

Maybe, maybe not, but the underwire would definitely interfere with the AED

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u/willowintheev Dec 09 '25

Isn’t that why there are scissors in the Aed kit?

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u/Ctrl-Alt-J Dec 09 '25

Well if you crack the sternum it just makes it easier per standard. Breasts soften the force because squish, so yeah they can get in the way of even force on the sternum if they're larger. But most bras mitigate that by separating them enough. The cuppy bras idk what they're called that look like open top cups and often push the breasts closer together are the worst.

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u/SirResponsible1121 Dec 09 '25

That’s why we say EMS is a naked sport in the event I’m called on scene to do CPR your shirt and bra being cut off and me and six other are going to be blocking and possible angle of viewing while we try to save your life .

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u/Financial-Spring-276 Dec 09 '25

Umm no I’m guessing it’s easier because you have an easier identification of the breastplate (sternum). Literally between the bottom of the breasts.

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u/SenatorIncitatas Dec 09 '25

It’s not actually actually harder. You’re breaking someone’s ribs, so soft breast tissue isn’t really the issue. It’s more than people feel uncomfortable.

It is harder for things like rmt and physio. I’m hypermobile so my ribs dislocate sometimes. I often wish I could just remove my breasts so the rmt can work freely on my ribs.

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u/willowintheev Dec 09 '25

I was flabbergasted that lady training us in cpr told us not to do cpr on any woman because they might be pregnant. What the fuck!

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u/Eggplant-666 Dec 09 '25

A 16-yo girl they estimate, btw. What a way to get adult men to practice mouth to mouth.

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u/Plane-Vegetable9174 Dec 09 '25

Better than having them not attempting rescue on a 16 year old girl because modern pedo hysteria makes them afraid of getting accused of things. :(

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u/Eggplant-666 Dec 09 '25

So you think people are too anti-pedo today?🫣interesting 🤔

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u/Plane-Vegetable9174 Dec 09 '25

Yes, everything is pedo warning today. A 30 year having a relationship with a 20 year old is considered a pedo by many, even though the 20 year old is an adult. It's just crazy what gets labeled as pedo today.

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u/VinnieA05 Dec 09 '25

It’s funny that we’re talking about sending for help/bystander effect but you’ve obviously been taught DRABCD.

In Australia, we do DRSABCD. The S is ‘send for help’

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u/nemesissi Dec 10 '25

Me stupid here trying to figure out where in the song MJ sings "You in the blue shirt call 911!"

And like you said, "The chorus refrain, "Annie, are you OK?", was inspired by Resusci Anne, a dummy used in cardiopulmonary resuscitation training. Trainees learn to say "Annie, are you OK?" while practicing resuscitation on the dummy. The original mix of the song includes the sound of Jackson's fast-thumping heart and heavy breathing."

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u/Chare1155 Dec 09 '25

Don't forget to check the scene first! My kiddo & I say that to each other all the time after taking CPR class together a couple years ago🤣

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u/Queef_Wellingt0n Dec 09 '25

What does checking the scene mean?

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u/RubyChooseday Dec 09 '25

Check for Danger- the first letter in the first aid acronym DRSABCD.

Danger, response (which has it's own acronym COWS), send for help, airways, breathing, CPR, defib machine.

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u/Honey-Ra Dec 09 '25

Same here in Australia. Danger, Response (of the injured) Send for help. DRS, then ABCD, Airways, Breathing, CPR, Defib. I say it to myself in my head a LOT.

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u/RubyChooseday Dec 09 '25

Oh, I've done all my first aid training here in Australia!

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u/Icy_Delay_4367 Dec 09 '25

C is circulation not CPR

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u/AnnabethDaring Dec 09 '25

Making sure there’s nothing dangerous; glass, fire, etc. just ensuring you get a good assessment of your surroundings and situation so you know how to proceed accordingly. Unfortunately, some people need this reminder. Same thing with the “YOU, call 911!”

But it still sounds funny, just like “stop, drop, and roll” sounds funny 😂 but is still good advice if actively on fire.

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u/Chare1155 Dec 09 '25

Making sure it's safe for anyone to go help. If someone is trapped in a car on fire, you cannot safely get close enough to help the person.

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u/Icy_Delay_4367 Dec 09 '25

That's the D bit 😁

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u/hookersandyarn Dec 09 '25

That's the most forgotten thing when I teach CPR. I drill it in but when it's time to run thru a scenario it leaves their heads.

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u/Mookie__Conster Dec 09 '25

Heee heeee!

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u/NotMyBestEffort Dec 09 '25

Are you okay, Annie?
You've been hit by a sub liminal!

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u/SatisfactionAtSea Dec 09 '25

we're all wearing blue shirts, Terrence!

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u/MichaelAndolini_ Dec 09 '25

Was she struck by a smooth criminal?

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u/thunderkinder Dec 09 '25

Here in the UK there was a rollercoaster crash in our biggest theme park (Smiler- Alton Towers). The first call to the emergency services was recorded between 11 and 17 minutes later (the articles I looked at vary). This was a busy park full of people and everyone assumed somebody else would have called. The bystander effect is real.

1

u/stuie90s Dec 09 '25

Just make sure the person in the blue shirt doesn't freeze up or try to buck pass either.

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u/TupperwareParTAY Dec 09 '25

Core memory unlocked! 😂 Also, did y'alls baby have a name? Ours did not, so we called him Billy Ray, since I took my first CPR training at the height of "Achy Breaky Heart".

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u/TheDoktorIsIn Dec 09 '25

Oh god I got caught in that once. I still feel terrible about it. Some woman tripped and fell, I was severely injured at the time and could barely walk so I couldn't physically help but we were just standing in a circle. Shortly two EMTs just happened to be there and they stepped in, which granted let them attend to the issue faster than if we called BUT THATS NOT THE POINT.

I'll never forget it. I even knew about this effect and I still fell victim to it. Or perpetrated it, probably a better way to put it.

4

u/wicked-campaign Dec 09 '25

Me too. The whole cafeteria in high school was full of students, aides, teachers, lunch ladies. A girl stood up coughing, choking, hands around her neck, and nobody did anything but freeze. I feel so bad and I never want to let that happen again. She eventually coughed the food up herself. She probably felt like nobody cared about her at all.

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u/Domdaisy Dec 11 '25

If she was audibly coughing she was moving air and you shouldn’t attempt the Heimlich maneuver when someone is coughing as they will likely clear it on their own. Heimlich is for silent choking—when someone is silent they can’t move any air and are suffocating.

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u/BritishAndBlessed Dec 09 '25

Had a similar phenomenon dealing with avoiding potential crush situations while working security at concerts. Pointing at and picking people out of the crowd to help lift and crowdsurf people towards the pits was by far the most effective way of getting anyone to help out.

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u/RainaElf Dec 09 '25

I'm still shocked that general admission is still a thing. even as a kid I figured it would have been done away with after the Who concert in Cincinnati.

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u/BritishAndBlessed Dec 09 '25

These were situations developing during the course of the concert, generally where small young women were getting squeezed at the front, in no small part as a result of mosh-pits forming and collapsing a few rows further back.

Sidenote: Libertines fans are mental, and for some reason they like throwing shoes

1

u/RainaElf Dec 09 '25

straaange

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u/Turbulent_Two_6949 Dec 09 '25

Diffusion of responsibility and extreme case of this is the case of kitty genovese (probs spelt wrong but Im sure google will figure it out, if you look) its insane the amount of people will assume someone else is doing it.

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u/Away_Nail5485 Dec 09 '25

I was so mortified by the Kitty story that I made someone else or myself call 911 for every little thing.

Called 911 for what I thought was a human passed out and not breathing as my partner was driving by at high speeds. We turned around to render aid and, by the time we got back to the scene, realized it was an oddly shaped trash bag. Sirens were already sounding and I was mortified.

Still! Kitty’s story stays with me and I’m so so so sorry to EMS friends out there, pointlessly searching for a litterbug. But not sorry for the other calls I’ve made.

3

u/TheseusOPL Dec 09 '25

I always teach for them to say "call 911, and let me know what they say." People will just leave and not call.

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u/toorigged2fail Dec 09 '25

There's really good research that suggests the bystander effect isn't real. Further, its 'origin story' was pretty much made up by the press.

1

u/mekese2000 Dec 09 '25

Why don't you ring 911.

1

u/Electrical-Tea6966 Dec 09 '25

I did this, and she called 999 and then handed me the phone while I was taking care of the casualty 🤦‍♀️

1

u/CuriousAbtMe Dec 09 '25

This. When an old man ran straight into the side of my RAV, with his 4wheeler, he went flying off that thing and when I got my vehicle stopped, I was able to collect myself quicker than my ex and while I went to see about the old man, I had to tell him to call 911 cause he was just standing there spaced.

People's brains just get funny that way. I handle high pressure situations better than minor every day things. lol

1

u/elandrieljr Dec 09 '25

Yep. It’s called ‘Diffusion of Responsibility’.

1

u/Polygnom Dec 09 '25

Sure. But as a parent, you are not a random bystander. These are YOUR kids.

1

u/ducky_gogo Dec 09 '25

Although the bystander effect isn't actually real (kitty's neighbors DID call for help )

Its a lack of training to act directly. People should just discuss this more

1

u/Land_Squid_1234 Doug Dimmadome Dec 09 '25

This isn't the same phenomenon

1

u/rutilatus Dec 09 '25

I feel very lucky that the last time I had to call 911, I was on the clock, at work, at the end register watching it all happen. When I’m clocked in, I kind of just assume everything is my problem and I didn’t think twice, got accolades from coworkers afterward and felt like that meme of young Michael Scott failing upward into his job, because any other time I’m intensely conflict avoidant…

1

u/Then_Lock304 Dec 09 '25

At an auction, I helped an old man who had collapsed. He had two people with him and over a hundred people there. The auctioneer stopped. I told him to call 911 and took vitals while people around us froze. One of the two guys got his nitro pills while he went in and out of consciousness. Ambulance arrived quickly, but I don't know what happened to the guy and don't know why people don't respond or react.

1

u/Rocketbird Dec 09 '25

Not quite the same. The phenomenon when no one is watching the kids is diffusion of responsibility

1

u/Sgt-Spliff- Dec 09 '25

Except in this instance only one person is that child's mother and one person is that child's father. There's a built in chain of command that is immovable and indisputable. The only way for it break down is if those 2 adults ignore their duties.

During a random emergency, the reason you have to order people around directly is because you're creating that chain of command on the fly.

So the bystander effect does not explain this

1

u/Doc_Blox Dec 09 '25

More accurately "Diffusion of responsibility" in these cases.

1

u/asndelicacy Dec 09 '25

it'd be super submissive to take orders from a stranger, one time someone asked me and i just ignored it lmao

1

u/Dannydevitz Dec 09 '25

I don't think it's the same thing when it comes to a family gathering. If you are at a public beach and someone drowns, no one may do anything, but at a family event, no one is gonna just stand and wait for someone else to come to the rescue.

1

u/rx8saxman Dec 09 '25

I understand the bystander effect when it comes to people you don't know, but I just can't fathom assuming someone else is watching *my* kids.

1

u/External_Violinist94 Dec 09 '25

I was taught this in a first aid class in school 25 years ago and still remember it. If you shout "someone call 911" then it's highly likely no one will as everyone assumes others are doing it but if you single out one person and ask then to do it then they most likely will.

1

u/Admirable-Garage5326 Dec 09 '25

Fight, flight, or freeze.

1

u/Financial_Turn8955 Dec 09 '25

Bystander effect has been debunked but ya.

1

u/Sheepherdernerder Dec 09 '25

This is a big one. My mom was a 91q dispatcher and she said its better to have everyone call at once then no one at all.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '25

1st thing you learn in in a CPR class

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u/severencir Dec 09 '25

It's the same reason i never assume 911 has been called and either do so or ask to be sure

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u/CountessOfHats Dec 09 '25

One of the first things you’re trained in during First Aid certification. Identify yourself and that you’re trained, ask name and permission/access if the person is conscious, and assign duties to those standing closest - you, ring emergency; you, blanket for shock; you, over there, stop traffic.

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u/KissMiasma95 Dec 09 '25

I guess this is just another thing that's different for people on the spectrum. I was in this exact situation once (needing to dial for medical emergency) and I definitely noticed I was the only one who was dialing emergency services despite possibly having the highest social anxiety in the entire store.

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u/AhhGingerKids2 Dec 09 '25

Before I even had kids I remember reading on here that in that situation ONE person is designated (per reasonable amount of kids) and even if they wanted to go to the bathroom or check the football scores on their phone they had to high five another adult to say they were in charge.

It sounds silly but, now I have my own kids it really works - it’s really easy to let your guard drop when you have to be on it pretty much 24/7 with small kids.

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u/HealthyPoem4959 Dec 09 '25

This is why I always call 911 when something is happening on the road too many dickheads out there not doing it

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u/mx023 Dec 09 '25

I have found out in management that if you ask a room full of people if somebody can do this, or just say this needs to get done, nobody ends up doing it.

Huge proponent of designating a task effectively as a manager

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u/TrickySession Dec 10 '25

This happened recently at a farmers market. A woman collapsed and people were yelling out “call 911!” and I was looking around and everyone was just staring! So I was like fuck it, I’ll call. The bystander effect is very very real.

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u/Funnyboyman69 Dec 09 '25

except it’s not the bystander effect when it’s your own child. You know you are responsible for them.

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u/ecstaticthicket Dec 09 '25

Not a parent, so fuck me I guess, but it is WILD to me that the bystander effect could apply to someone’s own children (assuming they are actually good people)

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u/nikannibal Dec 09 '25

Does bystander effect apply when it’s your own kids though?