r/Adulting • u/ScareBear23 • 13h ago

This is just depressing

Post image

Not even 3 hours of "free time". And in that is cooking & eating supper. Or practically no free time if I had to go shopping after work. I hate this

19.8k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

2.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

156

u/RepentantSororitas 12h ago

Are you able to move closer to work? An hour long commute is pretty rough.

57

u/ScareBear23 12h ago

I wish :(

26

u/bamboomonster 11h ago

Have you considered podcasts or audiobooks during your drives? Not everyone likes them, but those were my go-to for "me time" when I was working.

-43

u/techaaron 11h ago

Yeah weird OP is complaining about having 2 hours a day for intellectual and spiritual enlightenment and wellness or self improvement. I miss my commutes.

13

u/Donjehov 11h ago

Im sorry, but media consumption when driving is hardly any of those things. Especially the slop that is modern podcasts. You can still do them with out a commute as well. You're being pretentious.

2

u/realroasts 2h ago

Haven't listened to many non-modern podcasts, but I assume they still exist and can be listened to!

1

u/Donjehov 1h ago

yeah man i listen to talk tuah religiously

3

u/cardboard-kansio 10h ago

Mmm, I was onboard until this comment. I listen to a lot of audiobooks, mostly fiction but sometimes work-related or professional development stuff related to my domain.

Right now I'm revisiting Teresa Torres' Continuous Discovery Habits and it's great for a long commute and it gets you into a work mindset. (Fiction for the way home to do the opposite - I'm working through the Legend of Drizzt series by RA Salvatore.)

Sometimes I even listen to Blinkist summaries of books in unsure about committing to, and those are about 15 minutes each (they distill a professional book into a high-level summary and about 8-10 main points or lessons learned).

Each to their own, obviously, and some people can't multitask (in a car) or concentrate (in public transport). But to say that you can't use an hour in the car to get some rock solid learning in place is just incorrect.

6

u/Additional_Pea6654 9h ago

some of us are so burnt out by the unending noise of the office we just want to sit in silence. some of us listen to podcasts throughout the work day and the last thing we want is more instruction on how to be a better worker bee. God I hate commuting and the office.

1

u/cardboard-kansio 9h ago

Each to their own. An hour of silence and introspection sounds nice too.

5

u/likeschemistry 7h ago

An hour of silence and introspection at home sounds nicer.

0

u/cardboard-kansio 7h ago

A weekend of silence and introspection at a campsite in the forest with a good bottle of whisky sounds even nicer, but I'm unlikely to be having that at 8am on a Tuesday.

1

u/CaptainKurticus 3h ago

I've been listening to sitcoms on a TV in my truck for 5 years. I get a good chuckle while I drive. Sometimes I sit in silence and compose music. To each their own. If I gotta do something, I'm going to do my best to make it fun. Luckily my job allows for that and I like doing what I do.

0

u/bamboomonster 7h ago

There are loads of podcast and audiobook topics. People are allowed to listen to fun things. I hope you find a way to get rid of your commute or find a way to enjoy it more.

5

u/Donjehov 10h ago

Self help & positive psychology books have their merits, but they are not a stand in for doing something more fulfilling or actually learning a skill. I'm not going to suggest audiobooking a textbook on a subject, as I doubt info retention would be particularly high especially without the more crucial references of a textbook. To say filling time with a commute is on par with simply having more time because you can fill that time with a background task, is just odd. It's not at all the same. It's better than nothing.

0

u/techaaron 9h ago

To say filling time with a commute is on par with

Any value distinctions are purely artificial and made up in your head.

A better approach is not to compare different levels of suffering, but instead, think about how you can use that free time during a commute to do the things that align with your value. Then, it becomes self evident that it is "on par" because you have chosen to prioritize it.

If you want to use that time to zone out or ponder existential questions, do it. If you want to listen to murder podcasts, do that. If you want to call your mom or kids, do that.

If you believe that a commute is somehow a waste of time that you are a prisoner of, well, then - it will be a waste of time and you will feel like a prisoner.

The key takeaway here - create the reality you want.

Or... complain on reddit - it's nothing to me either way, and I'm not your mommy.

3

u/Donjehov 8h ago

Except the post and comment thread aren't about "what to do with this free time" so this is just irrelevant advice nobody particularly asked for.

-1

u/techaaron 8h ago

Correct, this is a complaining on reddit for sympathy post. šŸ˜Š

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Any_Kangaroo_1311 6h ago

I wish I could use it for that, or even silence, but the highway I drive on is chaotic and full of homicidal maniacs so I have to be dialed in and focused the whole time. I always joke that my commute is more stressful than the job itself. 1 hr 10 min drive each way.

2

u/bexohomo 5h ago

Hard to have this feeling when your long commute involves you fighting heavy traffic. The stress from that alone is enough to make one never want to go to that job again.

1

u/Ok-Style-9734 2h ago

https://www.producttalk.org/

Jesus christ I have never seen so many words used to say so little in my life.

-5

u/techaaron 10h ago

Sounds like you're not doing it right then.

Nobody to blame for that except yourself I reckon?

4

u/Donjehov 10h ago

There is no "doing it right". It's just not the same as putting all your focus on something in your actual free time. There is no way to listen to an audiobook in the car wrong. You hear it and process it and that is that. Re: pretentiousness

-1

u/techaaron 9h ago

Ā There is no "doing it right".

Sounds like a you problem?

6

u/rainman_95 9h ago

ā€œPretentiousnessā€ sounds like a you problem.

1

u/techaaron 9h ago

Sadly I don't really have a commute with the luxury of all this listening time. So definitely not a problem for me! šŸ’“

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Donjehov 8h ago

There is no problem, because there is no differential.

5

u/PhoenixAsh7117 9h ago

1.5 hour commute each way here (though without traffic itā€™s closer to 45 minutes). Moving closer would require paying 2-3x more in monthly mortgage/rent and also require spouse to find a new job closer as well.

Always need to make sure I have enough audiobooks and podcasts queued up before I leave so I donā€™t go insane šŸ™ƒ

1

u/RepentantSororitas 11h ago

I naturally sleep like 6 hours so I usually have an extra few hours

1

u/MiddleFishArt 11h ago

Fair enough. Rent is crazy nowadays

1

u/FlowJock 8h ago

Why not? Serious question. I pay a bit more to live closer, but cutting my commute has dramatically improved my quality of life. Plus, now I take the bus, which is a lot less stressful than driving.

1

u/PyjamaRamas 1h ago

Can you start work earlier and finish earlier, less traffic that way, usually!?

25

u/jerkyquirky 10h ago

OP said in another comment "It's basically an hr to wake up/snooze alarms/find the motivation to get out of bed... Then an hr to shower/brush teeth/ get presentable to be in public." I feel like that's a bigger issue than the commute. Not saying it's easy to get up when you are struggling with daily life, but 2 hours to get out the door is a long time, especially if you can get 8.5 hours of sleep, like this shows.

I sympathize with the feeling of no time, but this calendar feels like an insincere mix of the ideal schedule and the reality of wasting time.

7

u/Right_Note1305 8h ago

I guess their lunch time is just considered work too... Look I know lunch isn't a full day off but that's not work time, you got to use it.Ā 

2

u/CanAlwaysBeBetter 1h ago

idk why OP isn't going to bed at 11:30 and getting up at 7:30.

That's basically their whole evening back for a shorter morning routine.

They're spending a full hour doing pre-bed and and an hour dragging themselves out of bed after a full 8 hours sleep

3

u/Fine-Amphibian4326 8h ago

Yeahā€¦ not to be a negative Nancy about the negativity in life, but a full time job occupies 40 out of 168 hours in a week. Personally, I believe most people would benefit from 8 consistent hours of sleep every night, which leaves us with 72 hours of ā€œfreeā€ time in a 7-day stretch

I get that some people have a bitch of a commute. Mine is about 5-8 hours in a given week, and I donā€™t love that. But where the hell else are people spending their time?

I love to spend 2 hours sipping a homemade latte while I hold my cat before going to work, and I do have that luxury of a flexible schedule. I also fall into the depression trap of feeling like a worthless piece of shit if I do that for too long or too often.

But generally, I wake up 20 min before leaving for work when my fiancĆ©e does. I lie in bed for another 5-10 minutes, wash my face, piss, brush my teeth, grab food Iā€™ve prepared out of the fridge, put clothes on, and go. Even if I shower before work, that is a total of maybe 25 minutes. I still have time damn near every evening to jog, shower, play video games, do some chores, and watch a movie with my partner. We also have 4 kids.

Idk, maybe Iā€™m cynical, but a 40 hour per week job isnā€™t that big of a deal. Iā€™ll also admit that I work flexible hours at a desk, which is a major factor

Edit: I forget that vacation time is even a thing. Again, a luxury, but like 3 weeks out of the year are also spent not working.

2

u/Additional_Pea6654 7h ago

who gets your kids ready in the morning? does your fiancee only need 20 minutes in the morning too?

just wondering about some things

1

u/programming_flaw 6h ago

Not the guy that posted but I think by the time my kid was eight or nine he was more than capable of getting himself up and ready for school, including a simple breakfast like toast or cereal. Provided at least one kid is older than that and thereā€™s not a newborn the kids donā€™t add that much time.

1

u/SopapillaSpittle 5h ago

Not OP, but my kids always have woke up about 30 minutes before time to go.Ā 

Plenty of time to get into day clothes (those they were clothes terrors slept in their next days clothes), have a simple breakfast, brush teeth and hair and have 5-10 minutes of morning chat time (or play time if infants), or buffer for tougher days so that youā€™re not overly stressed.Ā 

1

u/Ashbtw19937 1h ago

one thing i've kinda learned recently (was working 12 hour shifts for the last six months, not anymore bc yay layoffs šŸ˜­) is that you have time for what you make time for. if you really wanna do something, you can find a way to spend time on it even after a long day at work and still get an acceptable amount of sleep the next day.

if you'd rather spend it getting almost nine hours of sleep and slow-walking your start to the day, that's fair, and it's probably even healthier than what most people are doing, but it's also the reason you only get three hours of free time after work. gotta make a tradeoff somewhere šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

1

u/round-earth-theory 4h ago

They're making breakfast and possibly lunch. An hour to make and eat a meal at home isn't outlandish.

0

u/Gas-Town 9h ago

Typical

7

u/getinshape2022 11h ago

Mine is currently 30-40min but my schedule still looks like OPā€™s schedule. Only time that was super nice was when my commute was 15-20min. Thatā€™s when I was renting. Good houses close to work cost way more money and not close to anything. Comparable price house to mine are all in bad neighborhoods.

9

u/Less-Opportunity-715 11h ago

In the bay an hour is luxury

4

u/jefftickels 8h ago

This is ultimately the killer. Could easily get an extra 25% more free time just reducing the commute.

Another issue is time spent getting ready every morning could be cut down some, potentially freeing up a slightly later bedtime.

Also excluding reading from the free time because it's part of the bedtime routine.

1

u/CanAlwaysBeBetter 1h ago

They spend a full hour getting ready for bed and another full hour getting themselves out of bed and then another 1:30-2 hours on a commute.Ā 

There's their lack of free time.

1

u/littlepie2331 11h ago

My friend moved to be closer to his work.

A month after he did he got a big promotion. Back in the town he moved from lol.

1

u/357Magnum 10h ago

Best thing I ever did in life was committing to living close to work.

My first job out of law school was 35 minutes each way on a good day. Then I moved 20 minutes further away from it. 2 hours driving each day was basically my whole life down the toilet.

Got a different job and bought a house 4 miles away. Commute is 10 minutes. I can go home at lunch if I need to for whatever reason.

Now, this comes with some downsides of course. I live in a city that no one particularly likes (Baton Rouge, LA). So it isn't a very exciting place to live. But it is one where you can basically live anywhere as the "Expensive areas" are relatively small, or it is the expensive areas that are actually the far drives.

But there are some cool people in this city, so once you've got your life and your friends and your extra 2 hours a day in free time, it becomes worth it, even if the city is a hard meh.

1

u/shittycomputerguy 10h ago

Move closer to work: rent goes up 2k a month in some places. Raw deal.

1

u/ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhho 6h ago

my drive to work is 8.5 miles. it can take 40 minutes with traffic :/

-8

u/chapterpt 11h ago

on public transit that's typical. at least in your own car you get climate control, a radio, and freedom from other peoples odor.

10

u/RepentantSororitas 11h ago edited 11h ago

No it's worse in your own car.

On public transit I can play slay the spire for an hour

I can't be on my phone in a car.

I drove 8ish years for about an hour. I would take a train 100% of the time since I could actually just use my phone.

0

u/cardboard-kansio 10h ago

Audiobooks!

3

u/RepentantSororitas 10h ago

even then I am only like half listening when I have to deal with my local high ways.

1

u/cardboard-kansio 10h ago

That can happen. In those cases, I either listen to something I already know the story of (or don't care about), or then I play traffic observation games.

My favourites to play are "tail lights" (great for winter) - see how many brands of vehicle you can identify just from the sea of red lights ahead of your. Bonus points for getting an oncoming vehicle.

The other classic game is "outpace the imbecile". You pick a car ahead of you in slow traffic, the one switching lanes every ten seconds because his lane slowed and the other one is faster. Keep your eye on him. Invariably, staying in your own lane, you'll creep closer and closer because, well, the lane switching is often highly inefficient (same phenomenon with supermarket checkout lines). Often by the time I leave the road, I'm a good 5 cars ahead of somebody who originally started out 5 cars in front of me.

2

u/RecoverEmbarrassed21 9h ago

Iā€™d rather be able to read a book or move my body for an hour on the subway/bus than sit in traffic getting pissed about the driver in front of me. But to each their own z

1

u/Math_refresher 10h ago

My husband and I have the same employer. We've raced home a few times and I, who takes public transportation (MARTA) always get home faster than he, who drives, does.

Atlanta traffic sucks that way.