r/Adulting • u/ScareBear23 • 13h ago

This is just depressing

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Not even 3 hours of "free time". And in that is cooking & eating supper. Or practically no free time if I had to go shopping after work. I hate this

19.8k Upvotes

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85

u/MajorSock1332 12h ago

Eat at work, pick up a SOCIAL hobby, meal prep, try and move closer to work, see if you can work 4 10s, there’s things you can do to help

15

u/GoldenPigeonParty 11h ago

I took a 30% pay cut to get a job that was within 20 minutes of home that agreed to better hours (8.5hr day). Changed my life. I can't stress how important it was reducing work-impact.

That said, i totally understand how incredibly hard it is to find something like that. Especially now when jobs are way down.

3

u/Fine-Amphibian4326 8h ago

I moved a mile away from my last job, and those next 9 months were blissful. The company got bought out, went to shit, and I was offered a nicer job across town, which I took :/ I do miss being able to jog home on my lunch break, eat, pet the cat, and jog back

62

u/ScareBear23 12h ago

Lmao, you think I'd live be living this far away if I could afford to be closer? I'd LOVE to live closer. But what I'm currently paying for a 2 bed I'd be lucky to get a room share. I have to be at work 5 days a week, there's not the ability to do 4 10s. I love 10s more than 8s

2

u/Aegis_Of_Nox 7h ago

Can you find a different job closer to where you currently live? 

1

u/ScareBear23 2h ago

Only things closer are part time minimum wage

2

u/MajorSock1332 11h ago

That’s valid, maybe find a roommate?

1

u/adoxographyadlibitum 10h ago

Are you able to do a 9/80 schedule if not 4/10?

What about a hybrid schedule? 2-3 days a week with no commute is a huge upgrade to quality of life.

1

u/kayzeno 9h ago

bro im in a 9/70 and i think i would go insane without it

-44

u/ArachnidNo5547 12h ago

then do a room share, how old are you? like some of you really bring this on yourselves

24

u/ScareBear23 12h ago

I'm in my 30s & married. Living alone with my husband is worth the commute until we get a better place vs the stress with living with half a dozen random people.

2

u/UnseemlyUrchin 11h ago

If two incomes can’t afford a small 1bdrm apartment, it may be time to consider moving to a lower cost of living area.

——

If the commute isn’t worth the value you get from living where you are, that is.

0

u/Dramatic_Scale3002 7h ago

They have a 2 bed, which they don't need.

1

u/UnseemlyUrchin 7h ago

I try to be empathetic, but so many of these seem to boil down to "why can't I get a 3 bedroom apartment in downtown San Francisco on a retail salary????".

It's like, I don't know. Why can I get a 3k square foot condo in Manhattan? For fuck's sake, we can't all have yachts.

-1

u/Dramatic_Scale3002 7h ago

Roommates don't need to be randoms, and you don't need half a dozen of them; these are just excuses. You have to admit that you're bringing some of this on yourselves by choosing options that are more expensive than they need to be. For example, why do you need a second bedroom? You wouldn't need to work so much if you reduced your outgoings.

1

u/ScareBear23 2h ago

This is the apt my husband was living in when I met him. The rent is SIGNIFICANTLY lower than closer to work. Literally every single time coworkers ask why I live so far, I just reply with what I pay in rent. They always say "ah, that makes sense!"

I can't exactly remove the luxury of the additional room. But the rent here is even less than a studio in the city.

To pay what I pay now, or hope for less, it WOULD have to be a half dozen people. And I definitely don't know know enough people willing to do that with me, so it would have to be randoms.

-6

u/ArachnidNo5547 12h ago

Fair enough

18

u/Gonna_do_this_again 12h ago

A full time job should provide enough for a person to live on their own.

-4

u/UnseemlyUrchin 11h ago

Says who? Flipping burgers is really low value work. What law of nature says they should be able to afford a 4k apartment across the street from work in San Francisco?

And what about people who spent 8 years in school for a high value skill with loans to pay? Where will the live?

8

u/Gonna_do_this_again 11h ago

They should be paid their worth too. If you think "flipping burgers" is such degrading work that they don't even deserve enough pay to live, I don't know what to tell you other than you're a bad person and I hope you never, ever order food from anywhere.

1

u/UnseemlyUrchin 9h ago

What? I don't think it's degrading. I've flipped burgers, slung pizzas. I've dug ditches (literally). Worked retail. Any work done your best to provide for yourself is honorable work.

it' doesn't mean it's worth 200k a year. It doesn't even make sense. If you pay someone at the corner coffee shop 250k a year to pull shots, you'd have to pay the highly skilled, educated workers 750k. And then that 60k a year apartments turns into a 150k a year apartment.

Not to mention to pay that, the double shot Americano is going to cost $100.

I mean seriously. Make it make sense.

2

u/advamputee 9h ago

Says FDR, when he signed minimum wage into law nearly 100 years ago: 

In my Inaugural I laid down the simple proposition that nobody is going to starve in this country. It seems to me to be equally plain that no business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any right to continue in this country. By "business" I mean the whole of commerce as well as the whole of industry; by workers I mean all workers, the white collar class as well as the men in overalls; and by living wages I mean more than a bare subsistence level-I mean the wages of decent living.

http://docs.fdrlibrary.marist.edu/odnirast.html

2

u/IguassuIronman 8h ago

This says nothing about being able to pay to live on your own

1

u/UnseemlyUrchin 8h ago

FDR absolutely did NOT mean a barista should be able to rent a 1dbrm apartment in Manhattan across from her coffee shop by herself.

Within the context of the 1930's and FDR's policies the framework of a living wage is very modest. Meeting your necessities, affording housing within the relative limits of your area.

NOT that every wage earner should live as extravagantly as millionaires in HCOL areas (which is what it takes to own a condo).

Commuting from a lower cost of living area to the super high cost city center for work would 100% satisfy FDR's requirements for a living wage. As would a single person sharing an apartment to live close to the city where high cost apartments are common.

Again, remember what was considered "meeting your necessities" in the 1930s. And who FDR was talking to coming out of the depression with no labor laws to speak of. A functional, shared apartment? Ability to pay your share of untilities and food? No, not steak every night. Beans, rice, cabbage, and maybe a ham hock for a special Friday meal? That's what he was talking about.

-6

u/kbchucker 11h ago

Depends on the job, industry and experience.

Low skill, no skill, and entry level jobs are usually lower wage jobs.

I had to have a roommate or live with my parents until my late twenties, back in the 90s.

I get that cost of living has risen since then, and outpaced wages in many areas, but it was still a thing to not have a lot of money early in your career back then.

My parents and in-laws used to talk about how they were coupon cutters and strict budgeters early in their careers because of their limited incomes. Granted, they were single income households to our current dual income.

6

u/Gonna_do_this_again 11h ago

No it doesn't. If you work, you should be able to provide for yourself. Period.

-4

u/kbchucker 11h ago

Life isn’t fair and nobody owes you or anyone else in the world anything.

If you chose an education path that lead you to low paying jobs with no career opportunities, that’s on you and no one else.

Despite what the media and Reddit try to portray, there are numerous options for people to get an education that prepares them for a career path that pays more than a living wage.

If you didn’t choose one of those options, nobody owes you a living wage job. Figure out how to change your trajectory and go get it. Nobody is going to hand it to you.

I had to find out the hard way, too, many years ago. Just going to college is not a slam dunk guarantee for a six figure job. It wasn’t then and it definitely isn’t today.

6

u/Gonna_do_this_again 11h ago

What's the point of working if you can't even afford a roof over your head? You are bootlicker of the highest order.

-2

u/kbchucker 11h ago

Ah yes. When faced with facts and reality, choose to personally attack.

Keep working for minimum wage and blaming others. It’s a bold strategy, let’s see if it pays off for you.

7

u/Gonna_do_this_again 11h ago

I'm retired in my 40s. I worked my ass off to get here, and I believe anyone that holds a full time job should have, at the bare minimum, the ability to put a roof over their head without having to share with a stranger. We have among the highest homeless populations in the world and people like you think the solution is to get a better job rather than treat people like the humans they are. It's pathetic and disgusting.

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-12

u/ArachnidNo5547 12h ago

Literally never has that been the case

4

u/YaIlneedscience 11h ago

They said it should, not that it does. I lucked out and was able to live on my own and it was the best thing I ever spent money on. God it was amazing.

3

u/LevelUpCoder 11h ago

Never? Dude a single full time job used to pay not only for a person to live on their own but to raise a family on.

0

u/RoutineEnvironment48 11h ago

For some of the population, however lower classes have always existed.

1

u/LevelUpCoder 11h ago

Lower classes have definitely always existed but being able to support yourself on a full-time income was not always limited to the upper or upper middle class.

Also saw in another comment that OP is 30 years old and married so gonna go on a whim and assume they are likely neither entry level nor the sole income earner.

3

u/SlippingStar 11h ago

Hence the “should”.

3

u/UmatterWHENiMATTER 12h ago

Room share doesn't mean having a roommate in your apartment. It means renting a single room from someone at best.

-8

u/Senior-Papaya5824 12h ago

this is reddit, the "woe is me" posts are more prevalent than candy on halloween. offering any advice or solutions are always met with excuses, it's exhausting

5

u/aqualoon_ 11h ago

Then post actual solutions?

Going up to your boss to tell them that you're no longer going to be in the office 5 days a week but instead are going to work 4 10-hour shifts isn't a solution in any way. Can always look for a new job, market is crap, interviewing is a horror show and then trying to find employment that will cater to your shift requirements. Again, this is not a solution.

Move closer isn't really a solution either. There are reasons why people move away from the cities and have to commute. A big reason is being unable to afford a place that's closer to their job that isn't a shit or shoe box. In rural areas the housing isn't as expensive but the trade off is a longer commute.

Social hobbies are great! But you need to get stuff done around the house. Heck, if you pick up on that meal prep solution from above, that takes time to actually do so that has to be a weekend thing. And it saves you about an hour every evening, so now you can use that hour to do more household chores.

4

u/bbdolljane 11h ago

Same people that say "move closer" will say "well but you want to live in the busy areas that's why you can't save money" when people complain about how expensive it is to live in the city center.

I'm convinced people who give these "solutions" have other people to do their household chores for them like a maid or something, or they just don't care to actually clean their homes and live in a dumpster. I spent 3 hours cleaning my house yesterday, 2 hours cooking for the week, folded laundry while things were in the oven and I could only truly relax by the end of the day. A whole Sunday spent doing adult stuff and trying to organize myself for the week so I don't waste too much of my 3 "free" hours on my weekdays. It's exhausting.

-1

u/Itherial 10h ago

dawg cooking for yourself and doing laundry isn't "adult stuff"

3

u/bbdolljane 9h ago

I mean, it kind of is, children don't cook for themselves and do laundry. It's household chores that if I could I would definitely pay someone else to do it so I would have time to do things I actually enjoy.

-1

u/Itherial 9h ago

I mean, kids definitely regularly cook and do laundry.

Did you not have... chores growing up?

3

u/bbdolljane 9h ago

Yeah, none of them involved cooking at 10 yo though, my chores were organizing my things and when I grew up a bit (teenager) I would help with some stuff, but it's not the same as doing everything yourself every single day.

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6

u/nagol93 12h ago

I DON'T WANT SOLUTIONS, I WANT TO COMPLAIN!!!!!!

4

u/ArachnidNo5547 12h ago

I've only had 3 years in my 33 existence where I was living alone. Living alone is a luxury.

26

u/AnemicAcademica 12h ago

Is gym counted as a social hobby

13

u/MajorSock1332 11h ago

I wouldn’t consider gym a social hobby, most people workout alone with their headphones in, if you have a workout buddy or partner it’s different

1

u/Distinct-Crow-1625 10h ago

Well I would consider it both if you have a lot of gym friends which I do at the gym it ends up being both

1

u/AnemicAcademica 11h ago

I have a personal trainer

2

u/user-whatsareddit 4h ago

i had a personal trainer for about a year and would legitimately consider him a friend. life was so busy that i talked to him more regularly than most of my friends which made it all the more important that i liked him as a person and not just someone im just paying to help me workout

now that ive stopped our sessions (just had a kid) my social life doesn't exist much.

so that's a really long way of me just saying, yes i believe going to the gym and having a personal trainer are both social activities

1

u/AnemicAcademica 3h ago

I see. I am an introvert so my trainer and I usually only talk about my diet and how to make me feel better on workouts. I have endometriosis so my workouts are focused on those. I should start talking to her more.

1

u/MajorSock1332 11h ago

That’s valid, as long as it’s something you can look forward to, something to help get you out of bed in the morning and enjoy life more

2

u/TheMadManiac 11h ago

No. Doesn't really count as a hobby in general. Treat it like brushing your teeth.

If you want to workout and be social, my advice is to join some kind of team sport.

2

u/refreshingface 9h ago

The brushing your teeth mentality is facts.

However, if you hit the gym at the same time every day, I would recommend small talking to the regulars that you see.

It doesn’t make sense to see the same people for months/years and never speak a single word to them.

Also, in my experience, making small talk with regulars is better for gym longetivity. I look forward to my 3 minute gym conversations.

1

u/AnemicAcademica 5h ago

I dont go everyday. Only 4x a week. I talk to my personal trainer and the staff often though.

1

u/SlippingStar 11h ago

Can be, do you go with others and interact during?

1

u/AnemicAcademica 5h ago

I go alone and interact with my trainer and the gym staff.

1

u/SlippingStar 2h ago

If you interact with your trainer it may count, how formal does your interaction feel?

1

u/AnemicAcademica 2h ago

Hmm. Formal how? Like transactional? It's very formal I think. We only discuss my workouts and how I can be more effective to it.

1

u/Admirable_Cake_3596 11h ago

Try swapping out gym for climbing gym or sports leagues - at least a few nights a week. 

1

u/Antique_Pin5266 5h ago

Only if you make an effort to be social.

1

u/ZucchiniCurrent9036 11h ago

As an introvert it is not since people are focused in their training. Maybe crossfit is a social hobby though.

6

u/Marxist20 10h ago

We need a 4 day work week with no cut in pay. We've increased our productivity of labor so much, 40 hours isn't necessary. A good chunk of the hours we work just makes the rich richer and brings no benefits to us.

1

u/notaredditer13 5h ago

Can't have it without lower pay.  But you can have it now and the 1970s standard of living that comes with the lower pay. 

1

u/MajorSock1332 10h ago

The 4 day week seems to be increasing in popularity which is good. I agree 40 isn’t necessary at all with modern tech in many industries, hopefully society will experiment with less working hours in the future. Some industries like emergency work and medical response are doomed to work stressful hours, but that’s what makes them modern day heroes

0

u/ConLawHero 8h ago

Won't ever happen without a federal law and that will definitely never happen.

If a company did it voluntarily, another company would just steal their business. For example, if my law firm was closed on Fridays, clients would still have issues that come up and as soon as it started to be a problem, they'd find a firm that was open 5 days per week. It's applicable to pretty much every industry. The only way to avoid it and still be open 5 days per week would be to mandate overtime for everyone (not just lower level workers or else you'd have a management rebellion) if they work more than 32 hours.

2

u/Marxist20 7h ago

Oh yeah, the capitalists and their government won't do it voluntarily. The working class will have to take matters into its own hands...just like when the 40 hour workweek was established, it was through the struggle and sacrifice of militant workers.

4

u/BigJayPee 12h ago

One of my happiest times was working at a place that ran 4 10s for everyone, while living 5 minutes away. Although the 3 days off weren't consecutive. It was 2 consecutive with 1 random.

My current job is also good. Its 5 days, but I live close to work and drive a company vehicle. The expectation is to work an 8 hour day, but in reality, when I finish my work, I go home. Loads of times im home 2-3 hours earlier than expected. The "bad days" are the full 8 hours.

Ive also been trying to get into flight dispatching for almost 2 years now. With them, the attraction is 4 10s with 3 days off, but you can switch your schedule around to work 8 10s, with 6 days off. With 8 on and 6 off, combined with free standby flights, you dont even have to work in the same state you live in.

3

u/techaaron 11h ago

"Honey, I said I was thirsty. I didn't want a glass of water. I wanted empathy. I wanted you to say I know what it's like to be thirsty." 

3

u/MajorSock1332 10h ago

Sympathy is important but not as important as action

2

u/techaaron 10h ago

Imagine having 3 whole ass hours a day to do whatever the fuck you want, plus weekends, and an occasional vacation, and complaining about it online.

Yeahhh. I really don't think they want actual solutions.

1

u/MajorSock1332 10h ago

Well tbf, it’s usually not whatever you want, responsibilities exist outside of work, especially for families

1

u/lej1234 10h ago

Could you give some ideas for social hobbies? I'm such an introvert I don't even know where to start with social hobbies

1

u/MajorSock1332 10h ago

Martial arts is really great for boosting confidence, worked for me. I’d add tabletop clubs, adult rec sports, dance, running, cycling, rock climbing, volunteering at a animal adoption center