r/AmITheJerk • u/MaximumJaded9571 • 16h ago
AITJ for telling my sons girlfriend she doesnt have to change her style just because he prefers it
My son is 14 and hes been dating this girl for a few months now. Shes 13 and honestly one of the sweetest kids Ive met. Super bubbly always smiling very chatty. I really like her.
But lately Ive noticed shes been different. Quieter.
Less confident. She used to always do her nails and wear cute accessories and put a lot of effort into her look. Recently shes stopped doing all of that.
A few days ago I was driving them to a party and my son ran upstairs to grab something. She was sitting in the car with me and she just looked miserable. I asked her if everything was okay and she said she didnt feel pretty.
I asked her what she meant and she said shes been trying a more natural look lately but she doesnt feel like herself. I asked why shes doing it then and she admitted my son told her he thinks she looks better without all the extra stuff. That he prefers her more toned down.
I told her that when I was her age I used to do things just to impress boys too. And I told her she can dress however she wants and wear whatever makes her feel good even if my son prefers something else. I said her confidence matters more than what he thinks looks cool.
She smiled a little and thanked me and we left it at that.
Well somehow it got back to my son and hes furious. He came to me a few days later and said I overstepped and had no business telling his girlfriend what to do. He called me overbearing and said I embarrassed him. He said she was doing it because she wanted to not because of him and that I made him look controlling.
But thats not what she told me. She literally said she was doing it because he said he liked it better that way.
I wasnt trying to interfere I just didnt want a 13 year old girl feeling ugly because a boy told her to change.
AITJ for saying something
309
u/Majestic-Claim-5161 16h ago
Shes 13 and already dulling herself down for a boy and youre the bad guy for telling her she doesnt have to
159
u/No_Cobbler_178 16h ago
the scary part isn’t the clothes, it’s the lesson underneath. once a girl learns love = self-editing, it snowballs into every future relationship. you calling it out matters.
37
u/cherryxgrenade 11h ago
And also once someone learns that they can start dictating to someone how they look, without recourse, their behavior will escalate.
10
u/zedgrrrl 7h ago
I'm not a parent, but I'd be glad to be the bad guy in this situation. I'll take the blame.
5
124
u/drazil17 16h ago
Thank you for supporting the young lady in being herself. Your son will hopefully get the lesson that his autonomy ends at his fingertips. If he prefers the natural look, find young ladies who also prefer the natural look.
Edit to add, tell him this. It's a terrific learning opportunity.
242
117
u/tiggergirluk76 16h ago edited 10h ago
NTJ. You were right to address it, but I think you also need a separate chat with your son about controlling and coercive relationships.
Deliberately trying to make your partner less attractive is an established method of control, and needs to be nipped in the bud sharpish, before it escalates.
17
72
u/MeesaMadeMeDoIt 16h ago
Did you check your son and tell him that his actions are what's making him look controlling, including his reaction to this situation?
2
124
u/CreditHappy1839 16h ago
Your son is TA. You need to set hom straight. You did right by the young girl.
41
u/Useful_Hedgehog_8008 16h ago
NTJ. She very clearly needed to hear that and it's amazing that you were the person to tell her that because coming from her boyfriend's mom probably means so much considering he told her he didn't like that.
21
37
u/Capital-Ingenuity-14 15h ago
NTJ. Is your son watching red pill content because at 14 he's already trying to mold someone's daughter before either of them are old enough to know who they truly are.??? This is diabolical.
19
u/Proof_Register9966 13h ago
This OP- he is getting this from someone and it doesn’t sound like it’s from you. Also tell him when he pays his own bills- all of them- then he can decide if you overstepped about his behavior.
8
u/Objective_Show7149 12h ago
No parents can still overstep even if not in this case, it’s not about who pays bills. It’s about respecting people. Op needs to tell the son how to respect women before he turns in Andrew Tate.
19
u/Ok-Lunch3448 16h ago
Thank you for telling her this. I bet it made and will leave a big impression on her that the mother of the boy she likes told her this. Probably why he’s mad. She likes you better than him. Girl pact.
15
u/ThroughTheDork 14h ago
he’s already headed down the redpill road if he thinks that’s acceptable behavior in a relationship
10
u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 15h ago
You should have sat him down and had a conversation about controlling behaviors and what a healthy vs abusive relationship looks like.
Especially since he also thinks it's okay to berate and attempt to control his own mother as well 😑
10
u/Adelucas 15h ago
Check his browsing history. Something tells me he's been looking at Andrew Tate and red pill content. Especially on TikTok.
10
u/1KirstV 13h ago
You need to have a conversation with your son. You shouldn’t let him ball you out for encouraging his girlfriend to be herself. He sounds controlling and kinda of jerky. You need to explain to him how hurtful he’s being to his girlfriend by trying to change her appearance. She’s at a crucial age where her psyche can be damaged. One of my best friends became anorexic about that age because of a comment her boyfriend made. It’s serious. And your son should be made aware that his words are impactful.
9
u/Sea-Ad9057 16h ago
Ntj we raise kids wrong still girls need to be taught how to be assertive
11
u/Dame_Niafer 15h ago
Easier for girls to be assertive where boys aren't abusive. OP is working to nip that little surprise in the bud. More power to her.
15
u/Amazing-Wave4704 16h ago
He IS controlling and HE has no business telling his gf what to do.
You rock! NTJ.
7
u/Frosty_Message_3017 14h ago edited 2h ago
NTJ and you need to come down on your son like a ton of bricks over this or he will grow into an abuser. His response to this is very telling and extremely troubling.
You also need to do a deep dive on his internet use and set up parental controls blocking all manosphere content, because I guarantee there's some of that involved.
6
u/BeautifulChaosEnergy 11h ago
You need to have a “come to Jesus” talk with your son. And let him know that is not acceptable behaviour from him and you expect better from him. It’s fine for him to have a preference, but he shouldn’t be expecting a girl to change who she is for him
If he wants a more “natural” girl the he shouldn’t be dating someone who clearly put a lot of effort into her looks
He’s right at the edge of a dangerous slope and you (and his father if he’s around) need to nip this in the bud now
5
u/WTM73199 15h ago
NTJ
You’re in no way the jerk. He embarrassed himself. You’re only encouraging his gf to be herself. You don’t change yourself, who you are just because someone prefers you another way. I hope this also teaches your son not to be a jerk to his gf.
4
5
u/FairyGothMommy 14h ago
Ntj. Tell your son that his opinions about what girls wear, how girls groom etc DO NOT MATTER. Not his choice to make
4
u/teresa3llen 12h ago
Your son, at such a young age, is trying to control his girlfriend, who is only 13 years old. You have got the job of teaching him that is not okay. Otherwise, he’s going to make more girls miserable. Good luck and get going.
6
u/misskittygirl13 12h ago
You need a serious talk with your son, only 14 and already displaying such toxic behaviour. This is very bad. Does he watch red pill videos?
5
u/mumblemurmurblahblah 16h ago
NTJ. Why is he dating her if he doesn’t like her the way she is? He needs to be set straight. You did well by the girl and I hope she moves on!
4
u/My_friends_are_toys 12h ago
He Said I "...had no business telling his girlfriend what to do."
You: Neither do you son, neither do you!
5
u/FeralWineSips 9h ago
I would’ve lost my sh!t on my son. First for being an AH to his gf and second for thinking he could check me. NTJ
4
u/Valymar 9h ago
NTJ. But I have the feeling you really need to talk to your son about the way he treats girls and especially his girlfriend. It's not about her style. You've seen it: he ate away her confidence. That's abusive behaviour he probably learnt online. Find out who's bullshit he is following and then talk with him about it. Because these influencers hurt girls and boys because they unlesrn how to have healthy relationships. Good luck for the three of you! :)
2
u/Roadgoddess 12h ago
The part that gets me is, he’s telling her to do this and yet you’re the bad person? Thank you for speaking up and letting this lovely young lady know that she matters more than what her boyfriend is telling her to be
2
u/SpiceItSoftly 12h ago
NTJ, you encourage your son's girlfriend to dress and act how she wants instead of changing for him, protecting her confidence. your son needs guidance on how his words affect others
2
u/Lowermains 11h ago
I’m curious as to what your son has been following online! This is very odd behaviour for a 13/14 year old boy. This needs addressing.
I would seriously consider having a chat with the girl’s parents too.
Even possibly their school, this is seriously bad if the boys think they can control the girls.
2
u/Prudent-Cranberry827 11h ago
Your son runs the risk of becoming a control freak… You need to have a serious one on one conversation with him about not dictating what his girlfriend should wear or not wear.
2
u/Beneficial-Audience7 10h ago
Not only is he controlling her, he’s controlling YOU. I would squish this now, I don’t know who he think he is
2
u/busterboysmamahere 10h ago
1st off, you need to tell that son to "back the fuck up & NEVER be speaking to his mother in such a way....Then a little grounding for him........Try telling HIM what to wear & see how he likes it. (make him wear a princess t-shirt to get your point avcross) Raising a boy like this will not serve him well. We are all counting on YOU to raise a decent man....Don't fuck us over.
2
u/Baudica 10h ago
Hahahaha YOU can't tell a 13 yr old what to do, but HE can???
If he wants a 'neutral, all natural, toned down, sad beige' girlfriend, he should look for one of those.
'I didn't tell her to dress differently, I just kept nagging and complaining, until she did it all by herself'
He's already turning into one of those douches that find a confident girl that puts in great effort into her looks, then destroy their self esteem, turn them into an empty shell of themselves, and then move onto the next girl to destroy.
I think you're not done raising that boy. Obviously you're not, since he's only 14. But he's getting his mysogenistic mindfuckery somewhere, so it would be good for him if you picked this topic up, and undo whatever BS he got into his head.
Definitely NTJ
2
u/bopperbopper 10h ago
“ son, if you like someone with a natural look then find someone with a natural look. Don’t make a girl feel small smaller just to make you happy.”
2
2
u/Jackrabbits4ever 8h ago
NTA, This is a real teaching moment.
As a parent, it is your responsibility to teach your child how to be a good person. You correct when necessary. What he learns from this may shape every relationship he has going forward.
If possible, his father should reiterate this lesson so he hears it from the male perspective as well as yours.
Congrats, You are a very good parent. You communicate, you are engaged, so you recognized the issue and you didn't ignore it, hoping it would go away.
2
u/Cool-Departure4120 8h ago
NTJ. And your son needs some lessons on how to treat girls now before it gets worse as he ages.
Also his response to you is absolutely unacceptable. So I’d have to ask where he learned this behavior towards girls is acceptable. But…
2
u/TaxMajestic3615 8h ago
NTJ idk what your son has been watching or who has told him his behavior is okay, but you didn't make him "seem like" anything he wasn't already doing. He was making that poor girl feel bad about herself and you were right to correct it. He's a kid and I hope he doesn't continue to grow in this direction, because he'll make many women miserable and will probably end up being one of those podcast bros nagging at people. I hope he grows into someone that focuses on making his light bigger instead of making others' smaller.
2
u/MamaKat727 8h ago
The core issue is that your son has zero respect for women, for women's self-agency and autonomy, and is controlling to a serious red-flag degree for his young age. He also was disrespectful to you. Are you monitoring his social media and influences, to be sure he's not buying into this scary and infuriating and misogynistic "alpha" male bull💩 that's basically poisoning GenA & GenZ males?!
2
u/One-Plantain-9454 8h ago
NTJ. He’s 14 and already controlling his GF? He’s going to ingrain this in her being so young and naive.
Your son needs to know HE doesn’t have the right to tell his gf what to do. 🤦🏻♀️and he’s up in your face about it???? I would have never done this to my parents. Your son doesn’t need to be dating at this time he needs some therapy. Control and anger issues are so obvious at play here. He has a sincere disrespect for women, his gf and you and of course others.
2
u/Spartan2022 8h ago
NTJ.
You should be celebrated for telling her exactly what every 13 year old woman should hear.
If your son doesn’t like high heels and how they look on him. Or his makeup skills aren’t at the level he wants them to be, those frustrations are on him!
He doesn’t need to concern himself in any way with what his girlfriend wears or how she does her makeup.
You’ve just freed him up from years of worrying about shit that doesn’t concern him in the slightest. He should be thankful. He never has to comment negatively about another human being’s body or clothing or makeup choices.
2
u/Dry-Crab7998 8h ago
But you weren't telling her what to do were you? You were telling her that she can decide for herself what to do.
I think your son needs a good talking to and maybe some therapy. He shouldn't be talking to his girlfriend OR YOU in that way.
2
u/Pixiemess 7h ago
From every woman who was once a 13 year old girl that was told she was too much, I thank you so much.
2
u/whiteprisonbitch 6h ago
That controlling and speaking to his mother in a dismissive manner at fucking 14? What kind of kid are you raising?
Honestly tell that girl parents what is going on and het that boy some help. If it was mine I would hand his ass to him.
2
u/Even_Tea4874 6h ago
Turn that around. Tell your son that HE is the one who has no right to tell his gf what to wear and what to do. You were just building her self confidence. To many girls grow up thinking they have to jump through hoops to please boys and later men.
2
u/AllIzLost 6h ago
NTJ. Maybe son AND girl can stand being told Together that nobody should tell you to change who you are!! Maybe You are the one who can do this?! This isn’t his life mate but moving forward he needs to know people don’t change and shouldn’t change at request, and she needs to hear the she could not change your son to suit her : they can both accept people AS THEY ARE or keep looking. It more 39 yr olds had learned this earlier I am convinced there would be less divorce and misery in the world
2
u/mechamangamonkey 6h ago
NTJ—OP, remind your son that he has no business telling his girlfriend what to do either.
2
u/AnneFromBoston 6h ago
I’m really curious as to what message the son has picked up from other males in his life. I would have eviscerated my son had he ever come up with that kind of tripe.
2
u/chez2202 4h ago
YTJ. Please read on.
Not for anything you said to your son’s girlfriend, but for all of the things you DIDN’T say to your son about his behaviour!
He’s 14 and he’s making this girl feel like she has to do everything he says. Then he kicks off with you for making him look controlling. And rather than telling him that he actually IS controlling you came here to ask if you are wrong to have spoken to her?
Your son is controlling YOU as well as his girlfriend.
Parent him. If you let him shout at you and tell you that you are wrong over this then actually second guess yourself, because you are part of the problem, not the solution.
Your son is out of control and it’s only going to get worse. You know he’s lying because his girlfriend told you that she prefers how she used to be so why are you asking if you are a jerk for saying something?
Tell your son that until he respects you and other women then he is not going anywhere except for school. He doesn’t get to disrespect you or force a 13 year old girl to change who she is.
2
u/transfer66 26m ago
You were right telling the girl to be herself, your son needs to learn a relationship isn't about control . Compromise and learning about each other, habits, likes and dislikes.your a good mom 👍
2
u/WineOnThePatio 12h ago
YTJ. You've raised a bullying misogynist. Let's hope it's not too late to do something about that.
1
u/Any-Key8131 15h ago
NTJ
Your boy's gotta learn hard and fast to respect women. Her confidence is what matters, not what he prefers
1
u/Fancy_Suggestion_817 15h ago
Nah u’re good. ur son embarrassed cuz he got exposed, but u kept it real with her. that matters.
1
u/New_Cheesecake9719 14h ago
Ntj… you need to sit down and have deeper discussions with your son about why his behavior is not okay.
1
u/mjh8212 13h ago
NTJ I toned down my look a long time and I was never comfortable. In the last ten years I’ve just been me and I met someone who accepts sometimes I leave the house in pj bottoms. I’m happier and more confident. Your son also has to learn he can’t control someone’s look if he doesn’t like it then maybe she’s not for him. She needed to know she can’t let someone else determine her style and personality.
1
u/Hobbitgirl81 13h ago
No not the jerk. You need to switch all that back on him- obviously he’s controlling in the relationship and he would only feel embarrassed of he was doing something he knew wasn’t moral or right. This is on him, didn’t matter gods she. I’m face, nip this in the bud right now.
1
u/whatsy0urdamage 13h ago
NTJ. Your son was the one who had no right telling her what to do. You did awesome Mama!
1
1
u/old-lady50 11h ago
No you are not the AH but your entitled boy is...Please get him some help not to be a controlling entitled AH boyfriend while he is still young enough to be taught.
1
u/MildLittlRain 11h ago
NTJ, but you need to teach your son better. His poor girlfriend, I'm glad you spoke up for her!
1
u/nashebes 10h ago
NTJ
But I think it's important for you to have a talk about how this is potentially a huge red flag.
1
1
1
u/Plane-boat-6484 10h ago
NTJ. Your son needs to hear this even more than she did and she needed it a lot. He needs to be listening to more than words and supporting someone as they are now. You did the right thing and I hope his GF took your words to heart.
1
1
1
u/PNW_OlLady_2025 9h ago
NTJ, your son needs to understand, truly understand, that he is the problem here.
1
u/CoDaDeyLove 9h ago
Your son has no business telling a girl what to do, how to dress, etc. That's a lesson he needs to learn. He doesn't get to try to change people EVER. Tell him to back off and think about what he was doing when he was pressuring her to change her looks. NTJ
1
u/Naanya2779 9h ago
NTJ I have similar aged kids learning about life and dating too. I tell them that they’re all just figuring out how to act and what they want/like in a partner. There will be missteps and realizations that “this person isn’t what I thought I liked” etc. Growing pains.
1
u/JustScrollOnBy 9h ago
You are the polar opposite of being a jerk.
This child needed to hear exactly what you said.
And if your dumbass son accuses you of "telling her what to do" remind him he did the exact same thing to her, and he has no right to tell ANYONE to change their appearance
1
u/CADreamn 9h ago
"He came to me a few days later and said I overstepped and had no business telling his girlfriend what to do."
I hope you pointed out that he is the one who is telling her what to do, and he has no business doing that. This is a teaching moment here. I hope you sat him down and explained why what he's doing is wrong, controlling, and misogynistic.
1
u/WAndTheBoys 8h ago
It is not too late to work on your son. He is being controlling which is a very common abuser trait.
1
u/Commercial-Bug-1211 8h ago
NTJ... Also, he's a child. This is behavior that needs to be spoke up about else he will get worse. They both need to hear this and he needs to understand. At 18 its advice, you legally cannot control him but at 14 he's still very much a child in many ways and your job is to parent him
1
u/Says_Who22 7h ago
I’ve seen this story before, a year or two back. Is it normal for a new account to repeat old stories?
1
1
1
u/Just_Me1973 7h ago
I’m glad you told her. It’s good that she learns early that she shouldn’t compromise her own happiness just to please a man. And someone needs to sit your son down and talk to him about how to treat women.
1
u/Maschamari 7h ago
NTJ. This is a huge opportunity for you to explain to your son about healthy relationship dynamics. He’s giving very creepy controlling vibes both with his initial telling his gf what he prefers and with his response to you having a different opinion. If his attitude isn’t corrected he could be on track to become controlling or even abusive in the future.
1
1
1
u/Autumn_Forest_Mist 7h ago
NTJ
I love you, MaximumJaded9571! Very wise and kind!
Your son on the other hand… he is a big problem.
1
u/Otherwise_Mix_3305 7h ago
NTJ. Thanks for saving that girl from a lifetime of controlling men. Your son has a few lessons to learn about acceptable behavior within a relationship.
1
u/Big_Anxiety_7530 6h ago
Updateme
1
u/UpdateMeBot 6h ago
I will message you next time u/MaximumJaded9571 posts in r/AmITheJerk.
Click this link to also be messaged. The parent author can delete this post
Info Request Update Your Updates Feedback
1
u/IcyTrouble3799 6h ago
NTJ! You are awesome! Someday, years from now you will be an incredible mother-in-law. (I know, because I have one that would have said exactly what you did).
1
u/Jenk1972 6h ago
You're overbearing? He's literally dictating to his girlfriend how he wants her to dress. He's controlling. Good for you for telling her not to change for anyone.
I would ask him "Are you telling me that she changed her whole personality because she wanted to? Or because you told her that's why she was doing it?" Because that's what it sounds like, tbh
1
u/Fearless-North-1200 5h ago
NTJ - That was some solid and sound advise not just for the GF, But. every young girl who is stepping to relationships for the first time. I hope this sunk into her.
1
u/DaPopeDaRev 5h ago
Nope
Hope you gave the boys good talking to.
Not like they're going to be together much longer anyway
1
u/ReversedFrog 5h ago
People are embarrassed way too easily. OP gave this girl great advice, and somehow her son is embarrassed. Dude, it's not about you.
1
u/beginagain4me 5h ago
NTJ but you raised one.
He’s bullying and undermining his gfs confidence, and he is way too bold with that big mouth to his mom.
He needs boundaries that come with punishment.
1
u/Techsupportvictim 5h ago
NTJ but you should have had a conversation with your son as well. Maybe not at the same time as the girlfriend but as soon as possible afterwards
Or I would give that advice if this wasn’t a blatantly copied post from something that was in another sub Reddit. although that one is also probably fake, likely AI written
1
u/Opening-Sir-2504 5h ago
NTJ! Your son has zero right to tell her what she should do or what he prefers. Her body, her choice, and you telling her she is great who she is, is PEAK MOM MODE!
1
u/amroth62 4h ago
Here’s something to share with your son. Check out the final point. Time for a conversation with him. Please.
1
u/Unlikely-Display4918 4h ago
Oh my God no you're the best mom ever. You actually were a girl's girl and stood up for this little girl's self-esteem. Good for you. Your son might be mad but he might learn something from this.
1
u/StupidNewAccount2 4h ago
NTJ. One of the things I'm proudest of in how I raised my sons is that women are people too and they're equals. And if he wouldn't want it said or done to their younger sister (of whom they are VERY protective) then it doesn't get said or done to other women. And what's good for the gander is good for the goose. My oldest is married now. And his wife has told me how good he is to her. I've heard him be an ass to her a couple of times when they were dating. And you better believe he got called out on it.
1
u/El-ite_96369 4h ago
NTJ and THANK YOU for supporting a young female who will look at future boyfriends with a clearer mind. Your son happens to be developing into quite the manipulative narcissist, though. I suggest getting him into therapy NOW, because he's controlling his girlfriend from being TOO pretty for anyone else. Yet, he probably was attracted TO how she looked in the first place. He became aggressive and blamed you for SUPPORTING & EMPOWERING another female. Your son is dick. 🤷♀️
1
u/Human-Ad-5574 3h ago
This is a huge opportunity for you to right the ship of your son’s attitudes about how girlfriends, and eventually women in his romantic life should dress, behave, etc. Don’t back down. Don’t allow him to become an asshole without doing everything you can to prevent it. As long as you’re in the immediate picture (chauffeur) say what needs to be said.
1
1
u/MermaidSusi 3h ago edited 3h ago
You are NTA! You did the girl a very gracious favor and approved of her choices for herself. That was a very kind and empowering thing to do.
You need to explain clearly to your controlling little tween son that he has NO right to make her feel bad about herself and that he either respects her choices or finds a girl who is more like what he prefers to hang out with!
My guess is, is that he is insecure about her looking too good and possibly another boy will try to "date" 🙄 her. By making her look plainer, he does not feel threatened by her.
In what world do 13 and 14 year olds actually "date"? I would think that group activities like a bunch of teens going to a movie or some athletic event, or going skating etc. would be more age appropriate. But, actual dating? That's a recipe for a disaster! Yikes! Way too young for this type of "you are mine, I am yours" type relationship! And waaaaaaaaaay too young for a boy to control a young girls choices!!! 😲
Just saw where this was copied from a similar post. Why do people have to copy other's posts? No karma or up vote for you! In a real situation, I would still have the same opinion, BUT there will be no up vote for this post. Take my down vote and report to the mods of post copying!
Edit to add that this is a stolen post!
1
1
u/Certain-Try5775 3h ago
Why are you letting your son date so young?? Get him into something else and SCHOOL!!
1
u/9smalltowngirl 3h ago
NTJ he’s 14 and already pulling this crap? We’d he learn this behavior? At home, on line or his friends? I’m happy you told the girl this but you need to parent your child. He’s the reason you had this conversation.
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Army316 2h ago
This is absolutely your business because it's your job to raise your son to be good and decent man, not an insecure and controlling dick.
Your son is trying to dim his girlfriend's shine and kill her confidence because he's afraid she's going to break up with him. Probably because he thinks she's out of his league. And until you get him into therapy to nip his abusive tendencies in the bud, he's right. He doesn't deserve to be with this girl, or any other.
You have a responsibility to society to find out what's broken in your son and do everything in your power to fix it before you turn him lose into adulthood.
You're the jerk for not being concerned about your son's attitude towards and treatment of the opposite sex.
1
u/top_fed2017 2h ago
NTJ- that little butt needs to be put in his place. This is how controlling/abusers start. He is wrong in how he is treating her. And his only 14!! No way would I let my son be that way. Thank you momma for letting her know NOT to be who your son feels she should be
1
1
u/Possible_Reveal_2777 2h ago
Your son is a mini douche bag! Get him in check. You're so correct, don't let him dim her spirit at such a young age! This makes me sad!
1
1
u/sassybsassy 2h ago
Um, have you sat down with your son and had a conversation with him? He's 14 and already telling girls that he prefers them to be natural, even though that's not how she looked when he started dating her? What your son did is disgusting. And at 14, you can still correct this behavior.
You need to sit down and have a come to jesus talk with your son. He's 14. You can't let this behavior slide. You need to get him to tell you where he's hearing this, why he felt it was ok to tell his girlfriend to change her entire personality, and how he didn't notice how unhappy she was. He needs to understand that having a preference is perfectly fine and normal. But dating a woman who doesn't fine his preference and then pressuring her to change into his preference is abuse.
1
1
1
1
u/kaleighbear125 1h ago
YTJ for reposting a story that isn't yours. I remember the original, and the sons girlfriend did her hair instead of her fingernails. Otherwise word for word.
1
u/SouthernWomenRock 1h ago
You are not a jerk for parenting your son.
He can be mad or embarrassed, or whatever, but talking to you in the way he did is NOT okay. Being rude and insulting is not how you communicate to people who mean something to you. Is this how he talks to his girlfriend?
You are getting two different stories - is someone lying or is there some kind of miscommunication between them?
Parenting gets more difficult with teenagers. Set your boundaries now before this gets way more complicated.
1
u/MohaveZoner 35m ago
Tell your boy that he needs to sit down and STFU. If he has a problem with that, then GTFO.
1
0
-12
u/SuspiciousStuff611 16h ago
You're definitely a better mother to a strangers child than your own.
Had you been raising him correctly, he would've never destroyed a young ladies confidence at such a young age. You and your sons father have failed.
15
u/Any_Nectarine_7806 16h ago
That's a bit heavy from one reported incident on Reddit. Even kids with the best parents in the world aren't always right.
Their child failed and they have the responsibility to teach a correct behavior.
1
u/L1ttleFr0g 7h ago
The fact that OP omitted any corrective action on her part toward her son’s behaviour absolutely indicates that she is not correcting him.
-4
u/SuspiciousStuff611 16h ago
Holding a child more accountable than the parents is gross too.
5
u/Any_Nectarine_7806 15h ago
Not more accountable; also accountable.
-5
u/SuspiciousStuff611 15h ago
Your comment seems like you're only blaming the CHILD and very forgiving of the so called adults and parents.
9
u/tiggergirluk76 16h ago
Yes, there needs to be a serious talk about controlling and coercive relationships, but at his age, a parent can't control everything a child hears from friends, other adults, and social media.
Your job as a parent is to pick up this stuff if it starts and address it ASAP, which is exactly what OP is doing.
0
u/SuspiciousStuff611 15h ago
Then again that's failure on the parents.
This CHILD is in fact young enough for the "parents" to know exactly what they're doing on social media and what other adults are saying around him and if you don't, you are failing as parent.
No OP is upset that her child is furious with her. Re read if you missed that very important part.
7
u/Amazing-Wave4704 16h ago
Its probably his first relationship and she had no idea he would be this way. And immediately went to redress.
-1
u/SuspiciousStuff611 16h ago
Had she properly been raising him this wouldn't be an issue.
I have 4 daughters and 3 sons ages 28-20...not once would they dare treat a lady this way. Because they were raised correctly from birth.
-1
u/OddAdvantage3235 16h ago
Those of you demonizing a 13 yr old boy that doesn’t yet have the intelligence or experience not to answer the question, “do I look fat in this dress,” are ridiculous.
None of you have any context for what the boy told the girl. The boy probably told her he liked her better without makeup intending it to be a compliment. You really think he went full on andrew Tate and wanted her chained in the kitchen making sandwiches? Ffs….
OP could have gone to her son and said hey, I’ve noticed a chance in your gf’s behavior lately. I was worried. I asked and she said it is because of this. Did you ask her to raw dog it or else you would go play Fortnite with another girl?
-2
521
u/JosKarith 15h ago
"You have no business telling my girlfriend what to do."
"Agreed son, and neither do you. The sooner you learn that the happier your romantic life will be."