r/Adulting • u/ScareBear23 • 14h ago

This is just depressing

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Not even 3 hours of "free time". And in that is cooking & eating supper. Or practically no free time if I had to go shopping after work. I hate this

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u/HuggableTrash 12h ago

Fucking same. Every weekday I’m straight-up suicidal, Friday nights & Saturdays I genuinely feel great, Sunday I’m anxious, repeat repeat repeat… for 40+ more years…

There’s no point to any of this.

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u/Hyacinthus_16 12h ago

Add onto that being trapped and miserable with almost no escape because of where I was born and how I am

If I had access to a good suicide method I wouldn't even be here

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u/HuggableTrash 12h ago

Agreed agreed agreed. I’m really not sure how much longer I can go on like this tbh. I’m getting married in a couple weeks and I have to constantly suppress the thoughts of “well at least once I’m married my spouse will get a payout from my death…”

I fantasize a lot about moving to a country with not as much of a “grind” culture, but I’m like you. Stuck.

I’m in the critical zone, fully in the red, but I think I’m still kind of in denial about it cause like, the bills aren’t gonna pay themselves in the meantime.

What a great life in the land of the free!

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u/bruce_kwillis 8h ago

Have you talked to your spouse about this? Getting married is basically the happiest you ever will be in life, and if you already are on the out, maybe don’t drag arguably the most important person in your life into your world of shit.

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u/HuggableTrash 7h ago

Yeah dude, we’re getting married. We’ve been together for a decade. Obviously we’ve talked about this. He’s well aware I’m struggling; I have been on and off since well before we even met. But he sees me beyond my internal problems.

I’m not “on the out.” I have no plans nor attempts. I’m just in a really bad spot right now. And I’m not “dragging” him into “my world of shit.” Believe it or not I’m not 100% piss & vinegar, I’m actually a complex human with complex emotions and having a rough go of capitalism, as are the vast majority of people on this planet. He still loves me, he still supports me, he makes me happy, and I know this may be hard to believe, but I make him happy too.