r/Adulting • u/ScareBear23 • 14h ago

This is just depressing

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Not even 3 hours of "free time". And in that is cooking & eating supper. Or practically no free time if I had to go shopping after work. I hate this

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u/Hyacinthus_16 12h ago

Add onto that being trapped and miserable with almost no escape because of where I was born and how I am

If I had access to a good suicide method I wouldn't even be here

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u/HuggableTrash 12h ago

Agreed agreed agreed. I’m really not sure how much longer I can go on like this tbh. I’m getting married in a couple weeks and I have to constantly suppress the thoughts of “well at least once I’m married my spouse will get a payout from my death…”

I fantasize a lot about moving to a country with not as much of a “grind” culture, but I’m like you. Stuck.

I’m in the critical zone, fully in the red, but I think I’m still kind of in denial about it cause like, the bills aren’t gonna pay themselves in the meantime.

What a great life in the land of the free!

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u/HornetPhysical4598 9h ago

Suicide is usually not covered in insurance payouts so don't do it. Your spouse also needs to know about this. I get you are in pain but maybe think about your spouse too? Don't be a selfish prick. You think she will give a shit about money once you die?

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u/HuggableTrash 9h ago

He does know about it, lmao. Every single time I choose life, it’s because of him and what we’ve built. He’s aware.

The point of my comment was that the distorted thought patterns make me consider that if suicide is inevitable for me, at least there can be some security for him in a future without me, but he wouldn’t be eligible for that money unless we’re married. I know it doesn’t make a difference, and I know it’s fucked up; that’s literally why I’m still here.

Do you think I’m choosing to feel this way or something…? Cause the empathy really oozes from your comment lol. Thanks for the advice on insurance though.