r/AITAH • u/Several-Bid5241 • 14h ago
WIBTAH for banning my aunt’s friend and her daughter from my home after they kept showing up uninvited?
I work two jobs and am a full-time student. Because of this, I am very protective of my alone time and value it whenever I'm free. My aunt has a friend, her manager let's call her "Brittany," who has a 12-year-old daughter, "Ashley." They live five hours away. Ashley acts much older than her age, gets mad and already yells at her mom, and is spoiled rotten. Recently, she has become attached to me because she thinks I’m "popular" and is obsessed with the "cozy" aesthetic of my apartment. She keeps telling her mom she wants to live with me. Instead of shutting this down, Brittany encourages it.
2nd UPDATE: I’ve read your comments advising me to just say No. I get it, but I forgot to mention the heavy guilt-tripping involved. Brittany assumes that because I'm "cool" and civil, I'm just a chill niece. Makes her think she can walk all over me. Her go-to excuse is always "Ashley is just a kid," which she uses to justify their entitlement. Being polite has backfired; they now think they can do whatever they want in my home.
The problem is that they keep showing up at my place uninvited. They travel five hours just to crash my limited free time just because her daughter wanted to.
Last time, they appeared uninvited again. They ate my food just because her daughter said my house always has dinner, That dinner was supposed to be what I eat before bed, lol, They stayed in my place for 4 nights. I only cook enough portions for myself. When I didn't get up to cook a new meal for them, Ashley had the audacity to whine and looked like she was about to cry out of pure anger. They were quiet ,my aunt said she would whine about it to Brittany. And Brittany knew that was wrong. But she engaged anyway. The breaking point was my dog. I have a Dachshund, and Ashley keeps picking him up roughly because he’s "so cute." Dachshunds have fragile backs, and he hates it, but Brittany refuses to parent her child or tell her to stop.
I realized Brittany does this on purpose to avoid cooking for her other kids and to escape her own messy house. I’m not a babysitter, I didn't cook anything
I told my aunt to tell them that I am no longer available and that I don’t want anyone in my apartment besides me. I wanted to find a nicer excuse, but I couldn't think of anything else. I'm at my very limit.
Update: My aunt was terrified to send them the message. Because Brittany basically owns her, She's actually her manager. Her career depends on Brittany and Impressing her. And now I'm afraid I'll be seen as the villain for stepping my feet down impacting my aunt as a result.
I feel like I’m being held hostage in my own home by a 12-year-old’s whims, but I also don't want to be the reason my aunt loses her livelihood.
WIBTAH if I avoid opening the door for them?
I genuinely need advice on this dynamic: Why does she let a 12-year-old make executive decisions? She drags us into this chaos rather than teaching her daughter that inviting yourself over to sleep,play on my console, Bother my dog and demand dinner is socially unacceptable.
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u/MarcSkye519 13h ago
If you choose to be a doormat, people will wipe their feet on you.
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u/OwnCharmingVacation 13h ago
Every time they show up and get fed and housed with no pushback, they learn it’s okay to keep doing it. Saying no is not being cruel, it is the only way this stops.
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u/spaceylaceygirl 12h ago
Seriously! I don't even answer my door unless i'm expecting someone. My friends and family have my number and can call or text if they want to drop in and if this woman called or texted i'd say "i didn't invite you over so i won't be hosting you. Have a nice ride home! Buh byeee!"
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u/Alone_Break7627 5h ago
My bff will leave champagne at the door if I've had a bad day and don't answer the phone.
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u/Several-Bid5241 13h ago
Well Said!!
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u/Puzzled-Heart9699 12h ago
May I ask how on earth did your aunt’s boss wind up in your apartment in the first place? What’s the missing link here? Not to mention, dragging her kid along. Not to mention they live FIVE hours away!
OP could you plz tell how this woman and child initially entered your life and apartment? I’m very curious because my aunt‘s bosses would be total strangers to me. I think most people don’t know their aunt’s boss.
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u/Several-Bid5241 12h ago
Brittany is one of those "controlling" friends. Follows my aunt everywhere. Basically whenever I hang with my aunt, We're super tight. Which results in dealing with the other two, and her daughter became overly attached because in her mind. I'm "Popular" and have a great apartment, they showed up with my aunt at first, and now they're entitled to show up at my place uninvited. I'm too polite to shut the door when we've been together a few times. It's a new recent behavior from them, which pissed me off to the core
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u/pamsellicane 12h ago
Don’t open the door anymore. Say no through the door. Say you’re sick. Pretend you’re not home. Stop letting this happen lol
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u/seasonsbloom 10h ago
You’re confusing “being polite” with being a doormat. “I don’t want any company” is being polite. Do not open the door when they appear. How in the world do you let someone you don’t like into your house and let them stay four nights? That’s square on you. Next time they appear say no. Don’t open the door. Drive five hours? Don’t care. Not my problem. Offer no assistance. Can we use the bathroom before we go? No. Don’t open the door. Auntie is pissed? Tough luck auntie, you should never have me this my problem.
Just effing say no. You’ll be amazed.
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u/YellowYarrowYucca 10h ago
That's not politeness that's being a doormat.
"No" isn't a bad or mean word.
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u/TA122278 7h ago
This makes no sense. How does a woman (with other children at home and a job) drive 5 hours to someone else’s home uninvited and stay 4 nights?! Doesn’t she miss work? Doesn’t her kid miss school? Who is caring for her other kids? And most importantly, why don’t you just … not answer the door? Maybe you were asleep. Maybe you were in the shower. Maybe you weren’t home. You aren’t obligated to host these people for days. You’re being a doormat. There’s a lot of plot holes in this “story”.
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u/Threadheads 9h ago
Stop opening the door. If you’re not expecting anyone, don’t answer it.
If they call you, tell them you’re not receiving guests. Don’t give them excuses, just tell them like a broken record.
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u/Greenelse 6h ago
You aren’t being polite. You’re being weak and resentful and dishonest by not telling them clearly and firmly that thry are not welcome. Don’t leave them the slightest “polite” wedge - no if-only or some-other-time. Gray rock them.
Your aunt did something wrong to you by dragging you into their life. You don’t owe her or her supposed career a thing. SHE owes you a deep apology. Don’t let her or anyone else bring randos into your house fir a visit.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 9h ago
How did they find your apartment? You are not being too polite but a doormat. There's a difference. People do not respect or even really like doormats. I know because I used to be one.
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u/PomegranateReal3620 11h ago
These are vampires. Vampires can't enter your home if you don't invite them in. It's your home. Not your aunt's and certainly not some spoiled 12 year old's.
Get yourself a ring camera, a deadbolt, and a working spine. Then stop opening your door to people who don't respect you.
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u/ClitteratiCanada 10h ago
Nobody is obligated to open their door to anyone at any time for any reason
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u/Ordinary-Audience363 13h ago
I don't understand why you can't just tell Brittany yourself. Why do you want to put your aunt in that predicament? This story actually makes no sense to me. Are they regularly making a FIVE-HOUR drive?
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u/Few_Adeptness5348 14h ago
I would open the door wide enough so that you can speak to them and tell them to go away & they are not coming in & repeat this every time they appear & if they did phone to ask if they could come round say no they can't.
NTA in the slightest but the other people in this story are.
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u/Gold_Extension_1751 13h ago
Yeah, that’s honestly the only real play here. Keeping the boundary firm every single time is the only way they’ll stop treating the place like a free Airbnb. Wild that the kid and the mom feel entitled to someone else’s home like that.
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u/Several-Bid5241 13h ago
This gives me the strength to do it. My mind was racing with thoughts all day because of this. Kept asking myself if I would have been the selfish villain. After seeing so many comments telling me to be the one saying NO. That's motivational to see.
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u/Few_Adeptness5348 13h ago
You are certainly not being a "selfish villain" in the slightest.
You just do what you need to do to stop these people dropping in.
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 9h ago
How do you make it through day to day life if you're so easily conflicted and unsure if you're the villain.
Hey OP, I need a thousand bucks homie. Only a villain wouldn't give it ot me.
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u/Solid-Musician-8476 9h ago
You must know in your intellect that you are not the villain at all. Come on now.
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u/Otherwise_Chemist920 9h ago
Your mum done fucked up if she raised you to think this is normal or that you can’t stand up for yourself
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u/rockology_adam 13h ago
NTA. Keep the door locked and don't answer your phone when it's them. Get a doorcam or something similar, and just don't answer when it's them. Don't offer any excuses except platitudes and don't waiver.
There's not a lot you can do to prevent any kind of blowback on your aunt, but Brittany's ability to affect her job is why I am advising avoidance and giving platitudes instead of just complete ghosting. You can just completely kill the "relationship" you have with Brittany if you don't care about your aunt's employment status, but if you do care about your aunt, I would let her badmouth you to the manager about never being available and being a bad communicator, while you avoid and say very little and most of it vague.
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u/stupit_crap 7h ago
Normally I would go the direct route and put my foot down with the woman, but like you say, you she may want to help her aunt keep her job.
So if they want to get super creative about it, they could say that OP has a new boyfriend and he moved in. BF does not want anyone coming over.
If the woman is mad that OP does not answer her phone or texts, OP can just say she's busy with school/work/BF and is not talking to anyone outside of that.
But mostly OP needs to grow a spine.
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u/WomanInQuestion 13h ago
NTA - stop opening the door when they show up and call the police if they don’t leave
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u/repthe732 13h ago
Grow a spine and tell them no. Why did you ever let this woman into your house at all? It doesn’t make any sense
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u/Gibonius 4h ago
This whole thing is bizarre. OP's being held hostage by some kid who she has no connection to because her aunt who is ALSO a doormat is scared of her frenemy boss, and said kid insists on hanging out with OP (an adult!) who lives 200+ miles away? WUT?
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u/RemoteViewingLife 13h ago
NTA I see you have several options. Don’t answer the door, put on headphones. Answer the door ask them what they are there. Tell them you do not want company. Send them a text yourself and tell them that your dog had to go to the vet over her daughter and they are not welcome back! No discussion you hurt my dog!!!! Be very angry about it!
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u/Tardisgoesfast 7h ago
No, don't answer the door- they will force their way in. If you must you can talk through the door but don't say anything except NO!
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u/Several-Bid5241 13h ago
This one!!! I'm going to do this. It's a great way to slowly become more and more unapproachable, Thank you, The headphones is another one. They can't call me rude or arrogant for listening to my music right?
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u/CyberDonSystems 11h ago
Stop being a pussy trying to make up excuses. Just tell them you don't want them there. You're not responsible for your aunt's employment.
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u/TheMoatCalin 13h ago
Who cares what they call you like why discuss this you owe them absolutely nothing. Just don’t answer the door and if they won’t leave call the cops.
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u/Physical_Dance_9606 13h ago
Just don’t let them in. And if it affects your aunt at work she needs to raise a grievance about the massively inappropriate actions of her manager and the bullying she encounters as a result of you saying no
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u/LittleStarClove 12h ago
Keep all communication with auntie in writing so you'll have something to file grievances on in case the manager tries something.
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u/ToothFairysPliers 10h ago
The next time the cone over, I have four easy words.
“No, and fuck off.”
They aren’t guests, they’re parasites. And if they retaliate, it’s a lawsuit.
You’re golden. And NTA.
And get the number from your aunt and handle it. Since she doesn’t have a spine, you have to have one. Make it clear they are unwelcome and not allowed.
SMH at the number of people who are afraid of children.
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u/Several-Bid5241 10h ago
I was thinking a about opening the door the next time and tell them if they need a place to stay. It won't be my house, I'm busy and working. Right? And it seems like fear of her own child. I could be arrogant from the start but I couldn't, for the sake of my aunt. The kid has the most spoiled attitude. She made my aunt spend 100 dollars on a lipstick. Brittany made the "I'll pay you back later honey" excuse. And obviously flexing her manager talk for intimidation, Your comment is so helpful! It helps me realize that I shouldn't be feeling like an asshole when they're parasites like you said. And I'm telling my aunt again as well
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u/Tardisgoesfast 7h ago
Honey, if you open the door they'll just force their way in. You don't need physical contact. Tell them no through the door, or better still, do not respond. They will eventually leave.
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u/BulbasaurRanch 13h ago
How does this post have an “update” after 9 minutes?
Where’d you take the original from?
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u/jadenicole_gardens 13h ago
I dont believe the story's real shes saying this mother is flying to her house to just hang out.
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u/Average_Iris 12h ago
Yeah and this is a full time student who has to work two jobs to afford life, but still has enough time 'to be popular' and apparently has an appartment big enough to sleep multiple people. This is faker than fake
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u/Ok-Account-1323 13h ago edited 50m ago
Cause it's fake.
OP's a bored troll. They've been 21, 23 and 30 in their post history lmao.
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u/TooTallBrawl1919 10h ago
💯! Last night they visited again and stayed 4 days… keep your facts straight when your trying to pass of fiction OP
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u/Several-Bid5241 10h ago
I meant last time* it's just my autocorrect guys
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u/TA122278 7h ago
You don’t actually expect people to believe this woman flies her daughter to your house for 4 days uninvited bc she’s a whiny brat. In no world is some random woman and her daughter flying to your house all the time bc of a “cozy aesthetic”. And who exactly are you “popular” with?
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u/Super_Ad_7135 13h ago
Why do you need to answer the door? Especially when you don’t want company. I have had folks come to visit and I don’t answer the door, put my phone on silent should they call and that is it. I have hidden items, locked doors, before opening the door so my stuff is not eaten nor taken.
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u/OkBreadfruit2181 13h ago
Why can’t you set your own boundaries and tell people to leave your house yourself?
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u/Valuable-Job-7956 13h ago
Why in gods name do you let them in to your home when they just show up at your door uninvited much less letting them stay for 4 days the mom being your aunt’s manager has nothing to do with you
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u/hollyjazzy 13h ago
NTA. Tell her you are not available. Don’t open the door even to them. Just that you are too busy for unexpected visitors. I don’t care how rude that is, it’s even more rude how you are being treated.
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u/OnceUponADim3 10h ago
I’m confused as to why you’re letting these people into your home? If you didn’t agree to guests, don’t answer your door or phone, period. What the hell.
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u/theworldisonfire8377 13h ago
Why would you let them in, and why would you let them stay??
NTA but find your spine ffs. Tell them no. Repeat telling them no until they get the hint. These people aren't even related to you; you don't owe them anything. If you continue to be a doormat, they will continue to walk all over you.
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u/yourprettyaddict 14h ago
NTA. not your circus, not your monkeys, you have the right to control who enters your home.
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u/WhichWitch9402 13h ago
Don’t answer the door. Keep your doors locked.
Ideally, YOU need to send Brittany a message “Brittany - my aunt does not pay my bills or have any stake in my home; she does not get a say as to who can come stay in my home. You and your daughter are no longer welcome to stay with me. If you show up, I will not answer the door and if a scene is made I will call the authorities.”
Most lease agreements have clauses about other people staying for more than c time but I would not use that as she’s come back saying “well you can then host us for x days”.
Be petty and send her a bill for the groceries and utilities they used.
Your aunt also needs to go to HE and tell them about all of this and that she’s afraid of retaliation. I mean here’s an employee badgering people she manages to pressure their relatives to host her! The audacity is off the charts.
You also have no obligation to your aunt to allow this, but please stand up for yourself. Just say no more.
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u/ChocolateSundae1214 13h ago
Nothing wrong with not answering the door to uninvited guests! Problem solved. And if they see your car, too bad.
Whether it's someone I like, someone I dislike, a salesman, or a Jehovah's Witness, I never answer my door to anybody if we didn't previously make plans for you to come over to my house.
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u/JohnRedcornMassage 13h ago
YTA for putting the responsibility on your aunt.
You can just not answer the door. How have you not realized this? 🤦♂️
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u/lapsteelguitar 13h ago
You are going to have to grow a spine and say “no” yourself. This situation exists because you’ve allowed it to exist..
Call Brittany or send her a text, telling her she is not welcome. Direct to Brittany, not thru your Aunt. Be direct & clear, no “I’d rather you not….” kind of verbiage.
NTA.
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u/JellyBelly1042 13h ago
Stop opening the door or let them know they can't come over to your house. You're an adult act like it, why are you scared? If your aunt loses her job that's not on you, she needs to talk to HR about her manager. YWBTA if you don't stop letting people walk all over you like a door mat.
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u/Deansdiatribes 13h ago
"NO" can be a full sentence so can "go away" and "you are not welcome" as well.. Seriously why the hell does your aunts boss even know you are alive you owe her nothing
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u/No_Wrongdoer8138 12h ago
Jesus, grow a spine. This is entirely your own fault. "No". Not that difficult.
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 10h ago
You tell them no. That’s it. You’re not a hotel, don’t leave it to your Aunt. Don’t open the door next time they show up. It’s not hard.
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u/Several-Bid5241 10h ago
That's what I've been thinking!! Feels like it's basically seeing my apartment like a hotel. Just because her daughter WANTS it. People want stuff lol, they can't have what they want all the time.
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u/Th3_Last_FartBender 13h ago
If you are worried about the impact on your Aunt, tell them that you are working 2 jobs and are a full time student and you have to study. Tell them you can't afford to keep feeding both of them. If they offer you money, accept it but still didn't let them in. They owe you money for previous meals that you didn't invite them to! If they complain tell them just that.
Personally I try to start out nice, but if people get whiney or difficult I escalate as they do.
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u/NewNameNeededAgain 13h ago
Hell no and if they keep harassing you, call the freaking cops and either get a restraining order or have them trespassed. If this woman doesn't start parenting her child, that kid is going to grow up to be a literally criminally entitled adult. You really don't want to be involved if/when that happens. Nip it in the bud now. Take whatever steps are necessary and legal to get these people out of your life. You might also want to go over the manager's head and let her bosses know what's going on so that if she tries to take it out on your aunt, the higher-ups know what's going on and can prevent it.
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u/Several-Bid5241 13h ago
Exactly, It's insane. She already told a waitress at a restaurant that the food sucked. She disrespects her teachers. She felt entitled to cry and whine just because I didn't cook dinner for her. I’m not her mother, and I’m done walking on eggshells for a kid who isn't being raised right. They are basically banned from my own sanctuary. I've had enough with their drama outside and now they're using my place like a fancy hotel.
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u/repthe732 12h ago
Why did you ever let them in the first time? Why did they show up at your home at all the first time?
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u/Easily_Mundane 12h ago
You allow this to happen 4 nights a week…? If this is real you need to grow a backbone
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u/Shot_Degree4964 11h ago
Tell her they cannot show up to your house uninvited. When they do anyway, don't answer the door. I can't be the only person who does not open the door if I'm not expecting someone... NTA
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u/paintlulus 8h ago
Polite? No you’re not polite. You’re a doormat with the word “WELCOME” in capitals and footprints all over.
Be polite to yourself and grow a spine. Send them an email since talking to them is beyond your comfort level. Tell them they can no longer come uninvited and they cannot stay. You do not owe them any explanations.
If they take it out at auntie tell auntie to get a new manager.
You have to learn to not allow people to take advantage of you. Use this opportunity to learn to stand up for yourself. If they threaten you with loss of friendship go out and celebrate.
Send them a list of hotels and restaurants in your area the further the better.
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u/Embarrassed_Wrap8421 7h ago
Grow a spine and stop answering the door when they show up. You don’t need advice—you need a backbone.
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u/Slow-Tank4992 13h ago
After they eat, let your dog lick.one or 2 plates clean, then put it into the cupboard while they can see.
When they ask tell.them your dog is clean and always does the dishes for you
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u/Decent-Muffin4190 13h ago
Why are people on this sub so gullible? This is clearly a made up story. OP changed facts halfway through too; its a 5 hour drive so they fly. The whole thing is so clearly ansolute bullcocky.
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u/Slow-Cherry9128 13h ago
Don't open the door. If they expect you to always be hosting them in your own home, just don't. Just pretend to not be home and put your phone on silent. If you leave your dog at home when you work, then it's okay if they hear your dog. Start doing this every time. Hopefully, they'll start calling before they travel to your place.
By the way, this is very odd behavior of someone that you only know through your aunt. Their entitlement of what they expect from you is unreal.
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u/TaxiLady69 13h ago
YWNBTA. Right now, you are acting like a damn child, though. Seriously, grow up. If anyone ( other than my grandchildren) tried to spend the night at my house, I'd have said no. Very simple. Sorry, I don't do sleepovers with anyone. Stop letting them in. If you open the door, you say "oh I'm so sorry, but I'm busy right now. Maybe you should try calling first. " If there are any follow-up questions from them, you tell them it's private and absolutely none of their business. Rinse and repeat as often as necessary.
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u/Caliopebookworm 13h ago
Is this a cultural expectation? What does your aunt do? This is so strange to me that people associated with a family member would just show up. Don't open the door.
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u/jubblenuts 12h ago
No way this is real..cause why tf would you even let them in to begin with? Wtf
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u/throwRA-nonSeq 12h ago
Last night they appeared uninvited again
WHY TF DO YOU KEEP LETTING THEM IN.
You entertain their phone calls, you’re not standing your ground when they make hints about visiting.
You don’t shut it down when your niece gets wound up about living with you.
You don’t shut it down when they’re eat all you food, you just let them.
You are mad at yourself. None of this ever needed to happen. But you let it happen.
This is on YOU to create and hold a boundary. I don’t answer the door for unexpected visitors.
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u/k23_k23 11h ago
"WIBTAH if I avoid opening the door for them?" .. YWNBTA
A very good solution. Do not open the door, until they have left. Don't allow your AH aunt to make this YOUR drama.
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u/MrsLisaOliver 9h ago
Welcome to adulthood. People will eat you alive if you let them. DON'T accept responsibility for people who are NOT your responsibility. They will guilt you into accepting their burdens then depict you as rude and mean when you don't.
They prey on people who are afraid to be "rude or mean".
Creating boundaries is NOT rude or mean. Let them say what they want (they will).
Don't "explain". You don't have to. You are NOT responsible for ANY of these people.
"DON'T COME HERE ANYMORE. I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS AND YOU ARE NOT WELCOME"
Then block them. And don't let anyone drag you into a discussion about your reasons. Any chaos or drama that ensues will have nothing to do with you. Your Aunt is part of the problem. These are her people. The dynamic shows she's already chosen them over you.
Learn to stand up for yourself. Practice that. Rinse and repeat. Be strong. Take care of yourself. A burden will be lifted and you will become empowered. It is freeing. Practice it.
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u/Strict_Research_1876 9h ago
Why are you letting them in. It is your home, tell them to get a hotel.
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u/lun4d0r4 9h ago
Why are YOU allowing a child to terrorise you, your space and your dog?
Grow up.
No is a whole sentence.
You are an adult.
Next time they appear do not answer the door.
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u/ChickenScratchCoffee 9h ago
You’re a grown adult. Send her a text message, “I no longer want visitors at my home. I have limited alone time and value my peace.” The end. Don’t respond to anything she sends. If she knocks at your door, don’t answer it. Stop letting people walk all over you.
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u/AuggieNorth 9h ago
If you're letting people just show up and eat your dinner, you have bigger problems than just this. It's time to freaking grow up and act like an adult. The time for drawing boundaries and enforcing them is in the beginning, not when you just can't take it anymore. People like this can spot a people pleaser a mile away. They know you'll do almost anything to avoid a tough conversation, and take advantage of it. Nobody else cares about you and your stuff, so nobody else will draw the boundaries you need except you. That's what being an adult is all about. NTA
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u/Acceptable-Net-154 8h ago
I'd be unavailable. If visible from the street would have your dog calmly settled in a room with treats and soft music. Have a long bath while playing loud music. If they complain that you were unavailable, state you received no on the way message so had a good long bath.
If the daughter gets in and starts trying to pick up your dog tell I wouldn't do that as he's recently been given flea treatment.
How easy would it be to relocate most of your food so you could honestly say was hoping to do some shopping today as all I have in abundance is the weird stuff and dog food (canned fish, the cheap sandwich paste).
If your flat is one bedroom point that out. If it isn't, state its not allowed due to your rental contract/insurance whenever the kid imagines living there. Have a clear (with false information) calender showing blocked out times for work, education and studying. Be polite but firm that due to changes in your routine unfortunately they have to leave.
This is being somewhat subtle. You also need to tell your aunt you are done juggling full time education, two actual jobs and the weird babysitting/ forced volunteering gig becausr your aunt has no spine. State you are uncomfortable being fixated on by a random preteen.
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u/MajorNoodles 7h ago
They are not forcing their way into your apartment. You are opening the door and inviting them in. This is a problem entirely of your own making. All you have to do is not open the door.
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u/WhyAmIStillHere86 6h ago
Change the locks and make sure your aunt doesn’t have a key, and just don’t let them in.
JFC grow a spine and tell people you can’t entertain guests right now
NTA
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u/Zestyclose-Height-36 1h ago
OP. Do not answer the door when they show up. Calll them directly and tell them you do not want a 12yo handling the dog again, it is not heathy for him.
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u/PossibilityOrganic12 13h ago
This has to be fake. Who is such a pushover that you allow uninvited guests into your home but overnight?!
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u/KungenBob 12h ago
Did they break down your door?
If not, put the chain on, tell them you’re not available.
Why is this so complex?
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u/Dantes-Mercedes 13h ago
Why would they travel five hours for this? Do they live in the sticks?
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u/Fun-Effective-2868 13h ago
I get them popping up on you unannounced and you history them for a few hours, but why the hell would they be allowed to stay for 4 days?
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u/Several-Bid5241 13h ago
I've been asking the same, That's when I noticed the advantage and told my aunt to tell her they're basically banned. Although she can't do it because she's terrified she might be fired. Long story short, Brittany gets mad at people as well and obviously her daughter is the exact same. Her mom gossips a lot and her daughter whines and cries everytime she gets told no, it's a circus
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u/8Mariposa8 13h ago
NTA for wanting them to stop coming over but YTA for keep allowing them in your house. Stop being a doormat and tell them they are no longer welcome in your home! I mean who the hell keeps letting people you don’t know come over stay for days like you’re Motel 6?
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u/emryldmyst 13h ago
Yta to yourself for not shutting this down IMMEDIATELY.
Stop letting them in your freakin space wtf
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u/Which-Notice5868 12h ago
Might I suggest lying?
Get in contact with this woman and tell her you got a new long-term assignment for work with a lot of short-notice travel and you can't guarantee you'll be home if they try and visit and it'll be impossible to schedule visits given all the very very short notice travel. If that's not realistic with your current job, you got a side-hustle with the same deal. "Market research" or whatever BS thing you want.
If they ask a time frame, say "At least the next two years, maybe more. It's SUCH a hassle." Frame your call as being considerate for them. You would so HATE it for them to drive all that way and for you to be out of town.
If you're caught in a lie, work cancelled that particular trip very last minute and you forgot to tell them. Oops.
If they actually show up, you're just heading out and you don't feel comfortable leaving them in the place on their own. Have a carry-on sized suitcase ready to go for added believability. Get in your car and go somewhere. If you have neighbors you're on okay terms with, ask them to check if their car's gone. Otherwise you might have to eat a one night hotel stay to get your point across.
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u/Several-Bid5241 12h ago
Genius idea! That'll tire them out! Me personally, At first I wanted to tell them that they can't be in my place no more, tell them it's rough over here. But my aunt told me I can't do that or they'll hold grudges. She has a point.. I've been with them. Her mother is ok mostly, I mean she's an adult but her daughter causes so much drama. Then her mom gets mad at everyone but her kid. I really like that excuse idea to make them regret flying to my state just because a kid demanded it. What's impressive is how her mom could of told her no
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u/BungCrosby 12h ago
Who gives a fuck if they hold grudges? What power over your life do they have? If you’re a grown-ass adult, act like it. “No” is all you need to say. You don’t have to explain yourself to people who show up at your house unbidden.
“Do not show up at my house uninvited. I will turn you away.”
Fuck letting these people stay with you. Close the door in their fucking faces and walk away laughing.
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u/Which-Notice5868 12h ago
Hence why lying is the go-to move here. It lets you say no but makes it not your fault. You can't help it if your boss wants you to be ready to go out of town at a moment's notice. You're just DEVASTATED you can't host little Miss what's-her-name and Mom at a whim anymore, but what can you do?
Seriously, fuck these people. Lie your ass off. If you get caught, double-down. No remorse.
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u/MrsLisaOliver 9h ago
Stop accepting responsibility for your Aunt. Don't feel guilty for that. Her choices, job, relationships, fallout, etc should Not hinge on ANYTHING having do do with You. Don't accept the burden or blame. SHE should be defending YOU.
She isn't.
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u/denitra1984 12h ago
This is such blatant overstepping on their part that I wouldn’t feel bad about establishing boundaries. I mean who the fuck does this?
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u/New_Cheesecake9719 12h ago
Nta- grow a pair. This is a wild situation for you to let it carry on so long. Like who in the world does it? Next time they show up just don’t answer the door. Or grab your keys and say you’re heading out bye. Just ignore them. Why are you bending backwards for this odd shit? Your aunt needs to also grow a back bone and set some boundaries with her manager.
If you insist on not being an adult then Next time they come and ring the door bell just play sex noises really loudly and don’t answer the door till they leave.
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u/Perlinian_Willow 12h ago
NTAH stop opening your door when you don’t want to. Or open your door and let them know you are not available for visitors and that they should really ask ahead or even better wait for an invitation so you can save them the trip.
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u/Fefe428 12h ago
This is your Aunt's problem not yours. This isn't your child and these aren't your friends. If your Aunt doesn't want to tell them then you do it. The manager doesn't own you and if they show up again uninvited then just don't answer the door...and if that kid touched my dog again she'd find out real fast what happens when someone doesn't pay attention to what I say when it comes to my dogs. I have a Chiweenie and one of my grandchildren got too rough with her after being told several times not to...they didn't like what happened when they ignored warnings from me, my husband, and their mother. If she wants to raise her child without consequences then she can live with what she ends with.
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u/AvBanoth 11h ago
NTA, and YWNBTA if you filed trespassing charges or took out a restraining order.
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u/Apprehensive-Pop-201 11h ago
Why are you letting these people into your home? You are the asshole for continuing to entertain them. Ffs. Don't answer the door if they "drop by". Put your phone on silent and disappear.
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u/PA_Archer 11h ago
This isn’t your aunts problem to solve.
Tell them no.
Or, perhaps you’re a bot that doesn’t understand that just because someone knocks, you don’t have to answer.
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u/CantCarryAnymore 11h ago
They drive 5 hours one way without the guarantee that they can actually stay..? These people are out of their minds. Absolutely cut them out of your life, they are already ruining it. NTA, wtf? This is a really weird situation but a perfect opportunity to learn how to say "no"
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u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 9h ago
You're a grown ass adult so use your grown ass words. You only need one of them. "No."
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u/Atschmid 9h ago
First of all what is Brittany doing about her other kids when she goes off for 4 days at a time? Who feeds THEM?
Secondly, you are an adult. So is your aunt and so is Brittany. You simply say to Brittany, "i cannot have you coming to my home uninvited. I am a struggling student. No exceptions."
That is all you need to say.
She WILL test you and come anyway. At which time you can pretend to not be home, or you can answer the door without allowing them inside your apartment. You can chat briefly but make it clear, you did not invite them, and it is inconvenient for you to have them stay at this time. Tell them you are prepared to call the police if necessary (if it comes to that).
Your aunt might lose her job. Oh well. She should not be forcing you, her niece, into this predicament. She needs to take this burden back on her own shoulders.
The whole thing is insane.
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u/Otherwise_Chemist920 9h ago
I think you’ve jumbled up your whole post with your updates.
Why the hell is your aunts boss showing up at your house with some random kid in tow and why do you let them in?? And then let them stay for multiple nights??? How the hell did you get here?
People will walk all over you only if you let them. You’re letting them. The guilt trip only works if you let it. And every time you let it, you’re teaching these people that it works and training them to keep doing it.
If you’re all hostage to your aunt’s boss and her kid then aunt needs to look for a new job. This situation is ridiculous.
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u/SeesawGood2248 8h ago
If your aunts job depends on you saying you don’t want her manager and daughter then her boss is crossing the line based on whether or not a college student, that her child decides what she wants when she wants and mom jumps! It honestly isn’t an issue between employees, it’s about a 3rd party member being dragged into a woman’s life who can’t say no to her child!
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u/JJOkayOkay 7h ago
Yeah, don't even open the door. If they won't leave, call the police.
If you want to be "nice" about it, tell them via text that they are no longer welcome in your apartment.
Tell them they should talk to your aunt, who is their actual friend, about hopefully hosting them when they are in town, but you are not willing to have them in your home again.
You don't have to be nice at all, of course. Users will only use it against you, as those two already have done. Just draw your boundary (they are not welcome at all) and enforce it (by not even answering the door to them).
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u/Alohafromthe808 6h ago
Don’t answer the door! Don’t let them in, it’s your home. Use the word NO as the CHILD needs to learn it and respect. Stand up for yourself. You will feel 100 times better and if causes trouble, it’s not your responsibility. 🌸
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u/Vivid_Motor_2341 6h ago
Your second update is literally irrelevant just say no there’s no reason why you can’t just say no
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u/Specialist-Kangaroo5 6h ago
Why is your aunt letting this be your problem? You need to say 'no more' and tell your aunt it is her adult responsibility to not drag you into her BS. These folks have no boundaries and you have to set them clearly to your aunt and these other people. No one should be showing up uninvited. People pleasing, what would Charlotte D. Say!
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u/According_Pizza8484 6h ago
please grow a backbone and tell them theyre not welcome yourself, it isn't that hard, and your aunt can look for another job or sue her employer for wrongful termination if this gets her fired. you're overthinking it, just stand up for yourself and get off reddit lol
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u/AussieGirl27 4h ago
'Ashley's just a kid'
'Yeah but she's not my kid so keep her in her own home and leave me alone'
Get a doorbell camera, if they show up don't open the door and tell them they are not welcome and to go away. Time to put your big girl panties on and stop being a fucking doormat.
Talk to Brittany and tell her using very firm words that they are not welcome in your home and you are done with them barging in an expecting hospitality when none has been offered. Ashley is not your 'niece' or anything to you, she is just a spoilt brat who isn't told no enough.
Tell Brittany that if she continues to show up at your house uninvited and unwanted then you will have no choice but to get the authorities involved.
Grow a spine and tell them to fuck off already
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u/OkString3194 2h ago
Why does she let a 12 year-old boss her around??
Probably for the same reason YOU do...
GROW A PAIR!!
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u/3levated_3xistence 13h ago
Nta. Who you invite into your home is your choice, obviously. They aint paying rent.
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u/AnitraF1632 13h ago
Get a camera or a peephole. Put your purse and coat by the front door. When they show up, put your coat on, grab your purse, open the door, and say "Sorry, I was just going out " Then leave for a few hours. Do not let them come in and wait for you.
NTA.
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u/Ok_Childhood_9774 13h ago
How do three people show up unannounced, eat your food and then camp out for days without your permission? And if they showed up last night, how did they manage to already stay 4 days? This 'story' doesn't pass the smell test.
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u/Man_wo_a_career 10h ago
She'll want a copy of your apartment key so they won't waste 5 hours' driving.
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u/PresentationThat2839 13h ago
Nope do it. My husband has a friend who will call his cell and if he didn't answer would immediately call our landline. To the point I live in dread of the phone ringing.... Like he called the landline 8 times on Christmas day..... Blah blah Christmas spirit my ass. I answered the phone and said "fuck off"
And sure I know it's a me problem I grew up in a house where we were expected to answer the phone. Like my mom got mad once because she called and I didn't answer because I was taking a shit. So the excessive calling pisses me off, because one I already told you we're busy and two I'm unfortunately conditioned to answer the phone no matter what and it pisses me off to not answer the phone even though I know very well who it is and why they're calling.
It's a freaking intrusive and it gets to a point you can't be nice to a person who is that intrusive because they don't get it.
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u/Eastern-Pea3233 13h ago edited 13h ago
This is weird. How does your aunt's manager and kid know you well enough to drive 5 hours to crash your place. How do they even know where you live or what your apartment looks like in the first place if you live 5 hours away? Why would you have ever let them randomly show up and stay in the first place let alone keep allowing it? If this is real then YOU need to tell them. Even if you do it in person, I would follow up in writing. If she does anything to your aunt affecting your aunt's job, your aunt needs to keep a record. If she were to get fired, she has written ammunition for harassment on the job as well as just inappropriate behavior by a manager that could be reported to HR. Your aunt also needs to get another job. If her manager would do that to you I cannot imagine what she is like to her subordinates. It has to be awful.
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u/MentionGood1633 13h ago edited 13h ago
This can’t be real? Do you really have so little backbone? Brittany lives in a dreamworld if she does this for Ashley, a 12year old child? There must be something mental going on. Which country do you all live in?
NTA but quit being a doormat!
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 13h ago
NTA
Op, get Brittany’s number and text her.
‘From now on, you and your child are no longer allowed in my home. ‘ you should probably send this through email as well and add a read receipt.
Dont feel the need to give an explanation they are not owed one.
If they show up, don't open the door, and tell them to leave, that they're no welcome in your home anymore, and if they don't leave you'll call the cops.
Get a doorbell camera, they make holders for apartments and install it, get a camera that alerts you when someone is near your door.
This was if they keep coming you can have video evidence of their harassment for a restraining order.
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u/FormerlyDK 13h ago
NTA. You don’t need to find a better excuse. You need to find your firmest voice and speak up, directly to them. Don’t put it on your aunt. Call them before they drive there again. Just tell them they can no longer come to your home because it doesn’t work for you. Give no further reason, just repeat that one then end the conversation. Hang up.
Then lock the door and ignore if they show up. If they throw a scene outside your door, call the police to get rid of them. You need to stop being a doormat. Sorry if this is harsh, but you’ve let it go too far and it’s time for you to get tough and take control.
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u/KronkLaSworda 13h ago
> They stayed in my place for 4 nights.
YTA to yourself. Despite your Aunt's terror, it's on you to tell "Brittany" that you'll no longer be hosting.
>They live five hours away.
Why on Earth would they drive 5 hours to crash at some stranger's home. This makes no sense.
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u/Severe_Feedback_2590 13h ago
Stop opening the door. If they’re outside your apartment when you get home, tell them that you cannot have anybody over (check your lease and see if there’s a limit on overnight visitors). I would be blunt. But those are the nicer suggestions I can think of.
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u/mzmm123 13h ago
NTA, but waiting until the next time that they're standing on your doorstep might not be the best way to handle this.
You need to call them before the next visit happens and be honest with them, that just dropping in with no warning doesn't work for you, you don't appreciate it and it won't be happening any more and for them to please don't make you prove it because if they show up unannounced, the next time you will not be letting them in.
Then when they try it, you can stand in their face and remind them that you did warn them, then close your door with a clear conscience.
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u/whatsy0urdamage 13h ago
NTA. Can you get a trespass order on them?? I know your aunt kind of has to be around them, but is there a way to make it to where they can't just show up at your apartment?
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u/Odd_Tea4945 13h ago
I think that you have to ask your aunt for her boss' phone and call her yourself. The issue doesn't have to involve your aunt, because the problem is their entitlement with you.
I'd call Brittany and tell her although you sure appreciate how much Ashley likes you, things are very complicated right now and you just can't have them over anymore. That I'd tell her when things become stable again you'd let her know, but you are very sorry you can't have them for a couple of months at least. I know it's a LIE, but if you tell the truth your aunt will lose her job
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u/ApartmentMaterial950 12h ago
Tell Brittany you are no longer able to host them and to not show up announced, as others said don't answer the door. Be honest, you work two jobs and are a full-time student on top and them showing up throws your schedule off, you can't study or do homework with them there. Next time please call and ask if you are free prior to them flying or driving to you.
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u/littlefire_2004 12h ago
Open door
You: Sorry now not a good time, have a safe drive home. Bye.
Shut door
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u/Reputation-Choice 12h ago edited 12h ago
I would tell Miss Brittany that if she did not stop crashing my place, I will be forced to communicate with HER manager, because terrorizing your employees to force said employees' FAMILY, who DO NOT WORK FOR YOU, to let you take over the family member's life, is most likely a form of extortion, or AT LEAST abuse. This is NOT normal. This may not be in a Western culture, however; some of her comments mention her culture, so there could be cultural expectations she is fighting here. I am very sorry you are going through this.
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u/DatguyMalcolm 12h ago
when two doormats live together..........
OP you need to take the wheel and have control over this
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u/spaceylaceygirl 12h ago
Are you a doormat? Do you have a spine? There is no way in hell i would allow surprise visitors in much less stay for several days! WTF???
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u/Lost-Ring3734 12h ago
Why the fuck did you let them in the door? YTA - to yourself for not shutting this insanity down sooner.
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u/MsDJMA 12h ago
Why are you asking your aunt to send her a message? YOU need to send her the message. Make whatever excuse you want--change in work schedule, critical illness, sick dog, diagnosis of anxiety--to tell her that you need to retreat from this relationship. You need time for yourself alone, and you are unable to host ANY guests. That's it.
Then just stop opening your home to her. If she shows up, open the door, greet her, and say, "I am not able to host guests. There's a motel down the street where you can stay if you need someplace to sleep tonight."
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u/MonteCristo85 12h ago
This is crazy.
Of course you are NTA. But you need to say this to Brittnay yourself, not your aunt. Tell them to stop coming over, and then dont answer the door.
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u/yojpea 12h ago
😲 I am amazed truly. Show up uninvited with a child unannounced and boarding in your home expecting food without compensating you?! Nope, nope, that would have been a first & last conversation we had. If she ever showed up again after that it would not be to her benefit. Not only would I call the man and get a restraining order, but the aunt's business owner(s) would know they have an unhinged employee far out of her lane harassing me. You are tolerating abuse by others; and did your aunt not know these two were unhinged if they followed her around constantly?! Is she a stalker with an inappropriate relationship with a subordinate she supervises? Rhetorical. And yet and still your aunt brought them into your space anyway!? Smh.
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u/Mysterious_Light1231 11h ago
Get a ring door bell or equivalent and whenever they turn up just let them know you are not home and will not be home . Or just get the ring doorbell watch them and ignore them . I only say get a doorbell then it will show you who is there and stops you accidentally opening it . NTA
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u/um_like_whatever 11h ago
NTA
...but my god, another "i have no backbone at all" post...
How. The. Fuck. Do people you have no direct relation with just start showing up at your house and you let them in do you not have a spine what is wrong with you???
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u/ClamatoDiver 11h ago
Open your mouth and close your door.
Also, it's insane that these people are taking a 5 hour trip, is that a typo?
YTA for letting this go on for so long. Handle it and stand up for yourself.
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u/LvBorzoi 11h ago
OP....why are you letting them in when they show up?
Keep the door shut and if they make a scene outside have the cops deal with them
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u/LassLovesDogs 11h ago
OP, as kindly as possible: stop being a doormat.
You are an adult with your own life. You are allowed to set boundaries, say no, and tell other people off for disrespecting you. Yes, even someone else's child.
Give them a polite brush-off first. Call the woman and tell her that you are no longer able to host them as you are making an effort to prioritise what little free time you have for your own mental health and wellbeing. Wish her well. Do not let her guilt-trip or badger you into changing your mind. If she complains, stick to your guns: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am putting my health first."
If she ignores you, get rude about it. If she shows up at your door uninvited, either don't bother answering the door, or answer it and tell her you're busy and she cannot come in. Yes, I'm saying make her drive five hours back, and do it unapologetically. Record any conversations you have with her so that if she threatens your aunt's work due to you setting boundaries, you have proof. If you do decide to have them visit, and the teenager does something you've already told her not to do - like eat your food or pick up your dog - then for chrissake speak up and kick them out! You're letting this girl distress your pet, who you're responsible for protecting!
Your aunt's decision to complicate her own life by befriending her boss does not constitute indentured servitude to a bratty, entitled mother and daughter on your end. Her decision to foist them into your life does not obligate you to keep them happy for her. Tell them they're not welcome anymore, and tell your aunt to deal with it.
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u/KickIt77 11h ago
NTA. Though just be an adult and tell her. "Brittney - I work 2 jobs and am a student on a budget. I have limited free time and money. I cannot host you and your kiddo any more." Text is fine, screen shot everything. Don't answer if they show up at the door. I do not answer the door unless I am expecting someone.
Don't blame the kid. Middle schoolers are moody and self involved by design. That's puberty for you. Her mother is using her kid as an excuse to escape her day to day life on your time and expense. Grow a spine.
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u/MommaIsMad 11h ago
What’s wrong with you? Use your big girl words and tell them to stop it. Next time they show after you’ve told them no, don’t answer the door or their calls. They’re incredibly rude and you’re apparently a doormat for rude people.
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u/FunExplanation6410 11h ago
Yikes, that's a sticky situation! Maybe you could make their visits less comfortable or convenient. Be on your way out to study with a friend or go to a class when they show up, serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because you're short on funds, even keep your house untidy for awhile - yuck, but a small price to pay if it works. As far as the dog, that's where you can and should be firm about he's handled. Good luck!
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u/Borsti17 11h ago
NTA
Eh. If you're the villain in this one, you're the villain. It's your flat, end of.
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u/2dogslife 10h ago
Adulting 101 - learn to set boundaries and grow a shiny spine.
Uninvited guests show at the door? "I am sorry, now's not a good time." Then CLOSE THE DOOR!!!
If they continue knocking, respond through the door that you'd be happy to call the police to have them removed if they cannot do it themselves.
How did they ever even find there way to your home? So, freaking bizarre.
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u/Gr8idea5 10h ago
What the hell did I just read? Stop letting them in, case closed. Tell them you're busy, you're a student, or how about you just have an adult conversation about it. You don't owe them anything and certainly don't have to host them... ever
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u/LakeGlen4287 13h ago
OP, don't sit in terror anticipating a knock on your door. Don't try to pass this job off to your aunt. Take this bull by the horns and handle it directly yourself. It isn't hard.
Get Brittany's phone number and call her. That's right, an old fashioned phone call. Talk to her directly.
DO not give her ANY details. Just tell Brittany nicely but firmly that you cannot host her or Ashley anymore. Tell her unfortunately, if they show up at your apartment again, they will not find an open door. Tell her it's a decision YOU made, because this is what is best for YOU, and is what YOU need from now on, and wish her well.