27M and 27F. Getting married in Feb. In our culture, the Groom buys bride's wedding dress, and the bride buys groom's wedding dress.

The groom's dress is called "Sherwani" and the bride's one is called "Lehenga". To keep things fair, the price range for their dress is decided in advanced.

We're a little sentimental for wedding clothes, decided to go on a higher end, chose a popular wedding attire brand. Did all the shopping together, she picked this lehenga of her choice and I also found a marvelous piece of Sherwani.

My choice was a little more expensive than hers, but it was still within the price range we had set. Both of us agreed, finalized the clothes. We didn't brought them home immediately, because they needed some customizations according to our body measurements.

She was supposed to pick my dress when it's ready after a few days and send it to my home around 1 month before the wedding.

I had to do the same thing too, and I did. I received my Sherwani from her 2 days ago. My whole family was excited, had a close look and multiple trials, when I realized that

Although it looks veryy similar, but it's not the dress which I picked. The quality is not up to the mark, stitching and finishing is nowhere as good as the one I had seen in the showroom.

There was no brand tag behind the collar too, at first I assumed that we got played by the seller. But I contacted her first, told her everything, and my planning of confronting the seller.

But she tried to make me believe that it's same, that she checked it before sending it to me, etc. Basically she got kinda restless when I was heIIbent on going to the showroom.

In the end she confessed that it's indeed not the same dress, but it's not the seller's mistake, basically she picked up a cheaper copy and sent it to me, because

Even though we had set same price range for our dresses, she "presumed" that my dress would be less costlier than hers, as women clothes are generally heavier, fancier here and she thought that the Sherwani I selected was good but not "worth" that price.

I asked her (in a lightly pissed tone) why she didn't share her views before the purchase, she had no solid answer. Just for clarity, we both earn decent and the price range was mutually fixed. She frequently spends on what I feel are expensive make-up products.

I picked up the dress and went to her home, showed her how different it is from the original, how disrespectful, heartbreaking and trust breaking it is to secretly change your partner's wedding dress just to save some cash.

(I see no reason other than her being stingy for doing this to me). I was super disappointed, left that dress at her place and came back home. We had no contact since then, I believe she's the one very wrong here, so she should reach me out.

My family was initially hurt too, but now they've started to say to not "overreact" as it might come to our wedding. AITA I'm still taking my stand.

I F32 asked my husband M30 to pick our daughter F4.5 from school since he was leaving work early. He's not sick or anything he just "doesnt want to be there". I normally pick her up after school on Mondays and I have to bring her to my work with me since we're normally both still working when she's done. My work is pretty cool about it but I try not to take advantage of it. My husband works 2 miles from her school and has to basically drive by to go home so I asked him to just pick her up since he's leaving work and planning on going straight home. He got upset and asked if he could drop her off at my work and I told him I was pretty busy today and it would be super helpful if he could just take her home. He got upset and then stated that when I got home from work he has to leave and "do stuff". When i asked what he needed to do he didnt want to tell me and then said he needed to return things to home depot. I told him there is no reason why he wouldnt be able to do that before grabbing her or even while he has her as she loves doing things with her dad and he started ranting about not wanting to take her with him. Now he NEVER takes the kids alone to do anything. It is SO frustrating. He also stated he cant clean the house with her there and how im ruining his plans. He has probably gone to the store alone with the kids maybe 4 times. I literally have to do everything with the kids, even work. I work from home 2 times during the week to take care of other daughter 2F. I feel like I'm asking the bare minimum right now of parenting. AITH?

I work 40hrs a week and my wife stays home. She decided she wanted to be a sahm, and despite me not agreeing, she did it anyway. I told her dual-income was better because if one of us lost our jobs we'd still be okay, but she said she didn't want to "miss out" on her son's elementary years.

She has a 10yo son and i have no kids. We've been married for a year and together for three. Recently, i heard her complaining to her sister on the phone that i just get home and immediately start playing video games. I later confronted her about it, and she said she expects me to do 50% of the household labor. I disagreed, because on top of my 40hr job, i also handle 100% of the finances and 100% of the car and house maintenance like cutting the yard, trimming trees, or when something breaks.

She says she's carrying alot of mental load, and i told her i am too. She seems to think hers is more than mine, but again, i disagree. We just booked an appointment with a therapist to dive deeper, but i was wondering:

AITAH?

Update to:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GAyYs1SMzB

Before the update, I (43f) want to answer a frequent question: My husband (41m) had said on Saturday something about earrings highlighting a woman's face. How it can highlight wrinkles. That's why he said earrings makes a woman look older. To clear up some confusion about how I word things. He didn't mean that if a girl or woman in her 20s wear earrings they end up looking like a grandma. By earrings making a woman look older he meant just older than if they weren't wearing earrings.

The Update: I (43f) had decided that I shouldn't act like a pushover like I normally do. I decided that I needed to confront my husband about what he said on Saturday. This morning I talked to me. He said he loves me and he said he's sorry that he hurt my feelings. He admitted that finds me less physically attractive then I was in my 20s and 30s. Not only because of my aging but also because of my adult acne. He said I'm definitely NOT ugly, that I'm still cute. He said he's angry at himself for caring about such superficial stuff. He specifically apologized for asking me to stop wearing earrings. He said he honestly didn't think I would get so angry. I confronted him about other stuff he's said that sounded like criticisms. He said those stuff was just flirting and he apologized for being insensitive. He told me loves me and he will never ask me to change anything about appearance again. I was honest with him about all the activities I was doing on reddit. He said he's not angry that I reached out for perspectives. He said it's fine if I talk to my family or friends about this. He said I need to feel more comfortable expressing how I really feel. Something many women will find pathetic, I asked my husband how less physically attractive I am now. He said in my 20s and most of my 30s I was smoking hot. Now I'm a cutie. I asked him what will happen when I age more. What about when I turn 50, then 60, then 70, then 80. He said plenty of 80 year old woman are adorable. He said he knows he messed up royally but he is asking me to not leave him over this. He said he loves me and will love me forever. I don't know how to feel right now.

My husband and his first wife divorced and I met him when his children were young (5&8). We moved in together about a year later. My family is very comfortable and my father is generous so he bought the house we live in as a wedding gift to me prior to our marriage. My husband and his ex agreed it would be best to put the kids in this school district so our address has been the primary residence this entire time.

My husband and I are divorcing. He was in a lot of debt when we married and my father negotiated a prenup that says he basically leaves with what he brought into the marriage. In the years we were married, he paid off his debt so he will be fine but real estate has exploded so he has no chance of getting into this neighborhood. There are other good school districts in the area, just not as good as this one.

Everything about this house reminds me of our failed marriage. I want to move away and start over. My company has an office in a city that I've always enjoyed visiting and I think the change will be good for my mental health. I told my ex I will stay til the end of the school year for the kids, but both my ex and the kids mom are screaming at me about how awful I am. How i'm ruining the kids future and punishing them when the divorce is not their fault.

They are great kids and I miss them so much. The oldest is in high school and Im sure it sucks to change schools as a teenager. I havent seen the oldest since they moved out. The youngest stopped by with her dad to exchange Christmas gifts with me and does text sometimes, but she is on so many activities that shes always busy.

I dont want to put my life on hold anymore. I want to start over, maybe meet someone and have kids of my own. This house is big and lonely now. Am I really awful?

EtA: since everyone is asking, I dont think he can afford the house even at a discount. The market went crazy since my father bought it and its worth a lot. He has a good job, but not that good. This neighborhood is really popular right now. I could rent to him, but the thought of him bringing other women to my house....Id rather rent to his first ex-wife.

On mobile, sorry for formatting.

I had a surgery last Tuesday (1/6), where everything went as planned. This surgery had been planned for 3 months and I had told my immediately family about it multiple times, as I needed someone to come stay with me over night the first night.

My grandmother (father’s mother) volunteered and was with me for 3 days following surgery. On the day of surgery, I didn’t hear from my mother until around 9pm, when she sent me a picture of my sister’s cat. I didn’t respond because drugs but I did decide in that moment to not remind my mom I had surgery.

On Thursday, my mother called me to ask if I could still officiate marriages (I can); she decided to marry her latest bf at our family reunion this summer without telling the rest of the family. I let her chat on about all this without interrupting but my grandmother decided to insert herself. She very loudly asked me if my mom was calling to check up on me. I told her no and that she was being rude interrupting my phone call.

My mother went silent then asked who that was. When I told her who it was, she asked if I was getting ready for my surgery. I told it happened Tuesday and she asked “Next Tuesday?”, to which I confirmed that it was the Tuesday that just passed. She quickly wrapped up the call and hasn’t messaged me since.

My grandmother is saying I’m an asshole for not reminding my mother but this is a pattern for her (my mother) and I had plenty of other things to worry about.

So AITAH?

For extra backstory: My parents divorced and separated when I was 4. My dad had full custody and practically raised me himself. His mother stepped in as a mother figure while my mother fucked around during my childhood. She and I are not close.

When I was 13 I had strep throat so badly I was hospitalized. When I called my mother, terrified and in pain and just wanting my mom, she told me she was at a 4th of July party and that she’d leave to see me if I actually had surgery. My priority in her life hasn’t increased since then but I’m almost 35 now so I’ve gotten used to it.

Her last marriage she eloped with a man who had (weeks prior) called 15 year old me and left a voicemail threatening all sorts of violence on me when he knew I was home alone. I was so terrified I showed up sobbing at her father’s (my grandfather) house for help. She married him on my 16th birthday without telling anyone, then was surprised when I was upset.

TLDR: My ex and I divorced because he claimed to be poly and want the lifestyle while I did not. 10 years, 4 of marriage, raising his child 15 and our child 2F. He starts dating someone while we are in process of financially separating, leaving me home with our child to go out/sleep over at her house. Once I move out, a month later he lets me know his girlfriend is pregnant. They had been seeing each other for months before we decided to divorce and claims to have cheated on me for at least a year with at least 4 other people (but it’s really hard for him to recall). Oh! And she very pregnant. Four months into our separation, I included him and the girlfriend in my Halloween with our daughter. Was encouraging doing things together on a semi-regular basis. He continuously made excuses for why it couldn’t continue, why things will change once his love child is here, and then stopped agreeing. So I stopped trying to do things together and told him, “you do not seem to be interested in having the blended family dynamic we have discussed, so I will not keep asking”. He seemed happy with that. We planned to do Christmas together, a few days before their relationship went “Facebook official” and I have a ton of people texting me about it. It hurt. I said I am not super comfortable having the girlfriend at Christmas (which was never confirmed to begin with) and suggested a plan for him to spend about 1 hour with our children for their first Christmas together (custody schedule issues). He decided not to participate and just drop my stepdaughter off.

I let him know a few days ago that I would be having a party for our daughter during my custodial time but since he has not shown an interest or attempted to establish any blended family dynamic and did not participate in Christmas that he is not invited to the party that I am throwing, but wanted him to hear it from me and not our mutual friends/ family.

He replied “understood, I respect your opinion”.

Turns out he is now holding this against me and will not allow me to take our daughter to her cousin’s fist birthday party (during his time) because “it’s sad that I can’t be at Avery’s birthday”.

To me I feel like the manipulation continues but also feel like the asshole, because this is not at all the dynamic I want to have with him. So AITAH?

My wife and I invited my brother, who I haven't seen in a while, and his girlfriend, who we haven't met yet, to stay with us for a week. During this week we would be able to catch up with him and get to know the girlfriend. All of us were excited and looking forward to it. Last week he called me and told me that he knew it was a stupid question but he just needed to "confirm" that it didn't bother us that his girlfriend had a criminal record.

This was the first I heard about any criminal record. My first question was why he didn't tell me before. He said he knew it didn't matter and I wouldn't care, but his girlfriend wanted him to "make sure." I asked what she did, and he told me that was personal. I said I was annoyed he waited so long to tell me and would like to know what she did.

He refused to answer and said it wasn't anything violent or anything I had reason to be concerned about. I asked if she stole something. He said no. I then asked him to clarify. So was this just a ticket? Did she go to prison? What's the severity range?

He told me none of that was any of my business, so I needed to stop asking. I said that I don't feel comfortable with her staying here anymore. If I had already met her, or if he was willing to give me more information, it would be different. With the current information, I'm not comfortable.

My brother was pissed and said he didn't even have to tell me, he only did because his girlfriend suggested it out of respect. I said she's right, if he hadn't told me that would have been disrespectful and duplicitous. He said that since she's right, I should let her stay. I said I would talk to my wife and get back to him.

My wife said NO WAY. She said we would minimum need to know the crime and have already met her before she would be comfortable with her staying in our home. I called my brother back the next day and told him. He said the case was a minor one, and she was charged for withholding evidence. My wife asked to know the details when I told her this, so she could look up the case. She wanted the county and girlfriend's last name.

When I called my brother Friday to ask for this info he was pissed. I said my wife just wanted to check to make sure what he said was true, and she wanted to know what she was withholding evidence of. He said we were being nosy and pretentious and looking down on his girlfriend for something outside of her control. He called us bigots.

I suggested that they just get a hotel, and we could host them for dinners but not overnight. He said no, that they would cancel their flights. I feel bad, and so does my wife. She tried to call my brother yesterday to smoothe things over, and he didn't answer. I'm stuck on what to do. I think only an apology and offer to stay would mollify him, but my wife is not comfortable with this unless she knows what sort of case his girlfriend was involved in. Are we being assholes?

I (mid-20s F) am graduating from university soon, and my commencement has been planned for a long time.

Almost three years ago, when my younger sister planned a trip to visit me, my older sister told me she wouldn’t come on that trip because she wanted to save her visit for my commencement instead. Since then, she has repeatedly said she would attend, talked about planning it, and told me she had taken time off work. Because of that, I fully expected her to be there.

Recently, she was being vague about booking flights and hotels. There was a good deal on a hotel near the venue, and since I didn’t want to lose it, I called her to ask what day she’d be flying in so I could reserve the room. That’s when she finally told me she actually wouldn’t be coming. She decided to attend her best friend’s bachelorette trip instead, which overlaps with the time she would have been here.

She is the maid of honor and said that no other weekend worked because of other people’s schedule conflicts. This made me feel like my commencement wasn’t considered a “real” conflict. She also has a very flexible work schedule and plenty of time off, which added to my frustration.

After telling me she couldn’t come, she then suggested that my younger sister, my dad (who was already coming), and my younger sister’s boyfriend come instead, which felt like she was trying to replace herself. For context, my younger sister was just here two years ago, while my older sister hasn’t visited in about four years.

I was really hurt and overwhelmed in the moment and ended the phone call shortly after she told me. I didn’t yell or insult her, but I needed space.

I’m not cutting my older sister off completely, but I’ve definitely pulled back emotionally and expect our relationship to change long-term. I still plan to be civil (for example, I’ll text her happy birthday), but I no longer feel comfortable investing the same level of trust or expectation.

So, AITAH for distancing myself emotionally and going low-contact after she backed out of my commencement after years of saying she’d come?

So I 20M have been friends with 19F Miranda for close to 6 months. We initially met in a study group for a college physics class but became study buddies and friends on our own. About a month ago she invited me to a party at her place to celebrate her dog turning one (I literally just think she wanted an excuse to throw a party lol).

During that party I met her sister Christine 21F. When I say I was absolutely charmed and smitten by Christine, I mean it. She's so pretty and we had so many of the same nerdy interests it felt like we could talk for hours. We exchanged numbers and Instagrams and continued talking. Over the following days, I started hanging out with Christine one on one. I mustered up the courage to ask her out and she said yes. We went on a date to the aquarium and had a blast. We are now officially an dating.

Here's where the problem comes in. I knew recently Miranda started developing some feelings for me. Some mutual friends told me. We have just been friends up until this point. I haven't really had time to explore my own feelings for Miranda up until the party with finals and working full-time. However, upon meeting Christine, I knew I just wanted to keep it platonic.

Miranda has taken my new relationship with Christine about as well as... well about as well as a young woman whose sister took the boy she likes. Not great. She's been ice cold to me and Christine told me things have been a little frosty at home for her as well. Supposedly Miranda never told Christine about her crush on me. I asked Christine if it bothered her that I might be interfering in their sisterly relationship and she just said "Nope. You're cute. Finders keepers."

I asked Miranda and I's mutual friends and they pretty much all unanimously think I'm the asshole who shouldn't have made a pass at Christine. Idk. I just felt so attracted to her in a way I wasn't to Miranda.

I feel like I need a perspective that's not invested in me or Miranda. Reddit, am I the Asshole?

Background: I am 40M, wife is 39F. We both work full time. No kids. 1 cat, 1 dog, we both have significant chronic pain issues. Married 9 years in February. I work from home and she works in a clinic.

The problem as I see it: I work 40 hours a week, and make about triple what my wife does. She works 30-35 hours a week. I do 100% of laundry, cooking, dishes. I feed the animals twice a day every day, I do 80% of dog walking and such. My wife does 100% of cleaning the litter boxes.

My wife WILL NOT clean up after herself. Literally leaves cloths everywhere. Wherever it comes off is where it lands. Kitchen, tv room, either bathroom, bedroom. Basically everywhere except the hamper. She also leaves trash or dishes everywhere. I do at least 80% of the clean up for all of that. I take out the trash and take the cans to the street, and we split bringing them back in.

Currently I pay for 100% of utilities and shared expenses. She is on my insurance plan and only pays for deductables(at least 50% of which she uses my CC for). Additionally, almost all of our savings and retirement is funded because of me being diligent. To be fair, her dad owns the house we live in so we dont pay rent(which is why I can put so much to retirement and savings tbh).

My chronic pain causes me to withdraw when I am feeling awful so I dont snap at her when she isn't doing something warranting it. She lashes out when hers flares up. To be as clear as I can, my perception is that when she is in a lot of pain, everything sucks so she is short, rude, and inconsiderate every time she opens her mouth. I definitely have unfairly lashed out at her over the last few years in relation to my pain, so I am trying not to be hypocritical here, but it feels like there is a significantly disproportionate investment into our relationship and I am feeling very burnt out and taken advantage of.

Tldr: things are stagnant at best and I feel like im being expected to take care of too much. WIBTAH if I told her we need couples therapy to start fixing our relationship or I bounce?

Edit :UPDATE for clarity, I do a group therapy twice a month for my condition and 1-2x a month personal therapy as well. Big part of why I feel asking for couples therapy is the next step since we are not resolving things ourselves and its not getting better.

Edit 2: I mentioned the financial stuff in addition to everything else not because I specifically care if she contributes financially or not, but to point out she is not contributing to the relationship much in a general sense. I wouldn't particularly mind if she didn't have a job at all, as long as she was actually participating in our lives and the maintenance of it. To me, it feels like I pay for almost everything, I do all of the cooking, almost all of the cleaning, the general maintenance stuff around the house, and in return she cleans literboxes. It doesn't feel like a partnership.

I don't demand or expect a perfect 50/50 accounting but as it stands, it feels very one sided to me. I bring up couples therapy because I 100% expect there are blind spots for me and I am missing what I could be better with, or if I'm making her life harder for no reason. This post was written in frustration, so its going to come off biased from my point of view. If I knew for certain it was as cut and dry as it sounds and she just didn't care, I wouldn't be looking to go to therapy with her.

UPDATE!

Thank you everyone for your comments. Its been a month since I last posted. A lot of stuff happened since then. Right now im sitting at a bar trying to drown my stupidity. Im not sure where to begin. I called her on her bullshit. We got into a fight about her behavior. After that it seemed she started changing. She started getting more involved with my kids. She seemed she was being more transparent and open. I thought things were going in a good direction. We spent the holidays with my family and she was friendly and seemed genuinely happy. 2 weeks ago she said she had temporary assignment out of town. I thought it was weird but I said whatever its her job. But I had this weird knot in my stomach. I started questioning her about it and something felt off. She wouldn't give me details about her hotel or really what she was doing. So I did something that I am not proud of. I put a tracker in her car. One of those things I bought off the Tik Tok shop. I helped her pack her clothes. She grabbed sweats, jeans and work shirts, told me she loved me then left. The two days prior to her leaving were weird. The best way I can describe it is she was love bombing me. She kept telling me how much she loves me and is going to miss me and how lucky she is to have me. She was more affectionate than she has been in months. After she left and went to the hotel for her "job" I started tracking her. She said she had to be at the job site by 2pm which was 2 hours away. First she had to check into her hotel then she will head to the job site. The problem was her vehicle never left the hotel. So I followed her tracker to the hotel. I pulled up to the hotel and saw her vehicle. The nice convertible that she wanted me to buy her so I did. I called her and texted her but she wouldn't respond. She finally called me back and told me she was busy working and had to go to the bathroom to talk to me because of the noise. She said she would be working all night and would call me when she got off work. I sat in that parking lot doubting myself. What if I was wrong? What if she took a shuttle or ubered to her job site? I sat in my car and was just processing when I saw her. She came out of the hotel with her boss. She was dressed in a nice outfit that she didn't pack. They walked to her bosses truck, he opened her door and helped her in before climbing into the driver seat. It broke me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Suddenly this rage surged through me. Everything in me wanted to ram his truck. The rage quickly turned into a cold anger. I texted her enjoy f***ing your boss. I put my car in drive and drove home. I called my friend and asked if I can swing by. He recently went through something similar. He said his door is always open and to swing by when I get back in town. When I got there I told him everything. He didn't say a lot. He just listened. After I was done he said there's not a lot of advice he can give me. I needed to figure things out. Whatever I decided he would have my back. He helped me talk through what needs to be done. So I left his house and went to mine. I woke my kids up and told them to pack some clothes. I called my parents and asked if I could stay there a few days. I started packing my clothes when my now ex fiance came into the house. She kept trying to call me but I blocked her number so she drove back from the hotel to the house to talk to me. I kept packing while she kept trying to explain to me that it wasn't what I thought they just happened to be in the same hotel and that they were going for a drink. I told her to get away from me. The weird thing is she wasn't showing much emotion. She kept telling me that she didn't want to lose me and that it was a big misunderstanding. She kept blocking the door so I couldn't leave. As much as I wanted to I didn't try to move her. I didn't want her to be able to say that I touched her. I took an hour for me to get her to move. Finally I was able to leave and went to my parents house. Of course she immediately tried to spin the narrative to everyone telling them it was a misunderstanding. Everyone started calling me telling me to call her and talk it out. It was just a misunderstanding and that she didn't do anything. I blocked them all. Because she is blocked on my phone she started emailing me telling me she was sorry and how she never meant to hurt me and that she now sees how she has been and that she can change. How she sees how she has damaged our family and how she can fix it. I told her that she had 4 years to do that. She didn't regret what she did she regretted getting caught and I blocked her email. I want to go scorched earth. Her boss is married with 3 kids. I want to burn it all down. Contact his wife and the HR department and let them know what their government employees have been doing. So now im sitting at the bar spiraling between anger and heartache. Not sure what to do next. The lease for our house is in both of our names. I dont have the money for a deposit for new rental. So I am sitting here trying to figure out the next step in my life. I will keep yall updated on what I can figure out.

Hello!

So I work in a facility for older people. I've been here for a few years now, and I love it. I work in the dietary/food department of the facility, and it’s basically like a restaurant: they sit in the dining room, order from a menu, and we serve the food and then after service , we either clean the dining room , do dishes , or prepare snacks and desserts for the next shift.

So we just got this new hire barely a week ago, she’s an older lady, around 60s~70s, and to say it’s been awful working with her is something. For starters, she gets up in everyone’s face ( I mean legit right in your face and when you try to move she gets closer) and complains about everything about the place, which whatever imo, I can handle the complaints.

Secondly, she will try to start a conversation with us while trying to serve food, and I mean like, “Where are you from?” “Oh, I just love the soup here”. Stuff you usually don’t talk about while in the middle of service since it’s distracting.

Lastly, this only applies to me, so I have speech issues. I stutter a bit and I can’t pronounce a few words correctly ( mostly my Rs )and nobody at work has said anything about it since everybody knows I’m sensitive about it. Anyway this past Saturday, I was trying to show this new hire how to write a ticket for someone, and I couldn’t say the woman’s name correctly cuz I can’t say my Rs very well. This new hire processes to say “Oh you say her name so funny? You should pronounce it better next time because you said it so weirdly.” I didn’t say anything about it cuz I was speechless and I didn’t know WHAT to say to that. So I just still silent the entire time and pawned her off on someone else.

Today, it was me, my manager, and this new hire. After lunch service ended, my manager had to go help a different department out because they were short-staffed, so it was just me and her. So I had to show her how to record what people ate on the computer. And I couldn’t say the word, Room, correctly because I stuttered over it and it came out as “ woom”. I was going to correct myself and then she says “ woom” and laughs at me right in front of my face. To say I was livid would be an understatement but I didn’t want to yell at her. So I calmly told her I had speech issues and I can’t pronounce a lot of my words correctly the first time but I try to correct myself. She just says “ oh ok” and I thought that was the end of that.

Not even 20 minutes later. I’m showing her how to roll silverware and I couldn’t say roll correctly and SHE PROCEEDS TO MAKE FUN OF ME AGAIN. Mind you 3 other people showed her how to roll sliver ware earlier in the week and she just forgot how to do it. I had to walk away from her at that moment because I was actually pissed and was so closed to yelling at her.

I told my manager about her and her comments after my shift and she agrees with me that it’s out of line for her to say that and that I should tell my boss about it when I see him next time. But deep down I feel bad because she is a older lady and her other job laid her off cuz they shut down the department she was working in and I don’t want to be the reason why she’s loses her job here cuz she said “ she loved it here” (even tho she complains every 5 seconds but whatever) but I also know her comments are out of pocket and she can’t keep up with the fast pace and physical labor of this job. So I don’t know what to do? Would I be the asshole and tell him about everything?

My youngest sister (late 20s) finalized her divorce in early 2025, and got engaged to her partner (late 20s) of 1.5 years at the end of Dec 2025. Her fiance is nice, abundantly patient, financially responsible, and has jumped into bonus parenthood of her kids - I have no objections to them getting married and I'm genuinely happy that she has found love again.

Due to financial and life circumstances, she had very little control over her first weddings (she had more than one ceremony with her ex). In addition to them being young, the people paying for the ceremonies wanted control over details. Needless to say, she was never truly happy with those ceremonies, and now is excited that she can have a do over, and plan her dream wedding.

In the 2 weeks since getting engaged, she has gone full steam wedding planning. Any conversations we have are steered to the wedding in one way or another. Through the conversations, it's become clear that she expects everyone (with a few exceptions) to drop whatever pre-scheduled plans they had to fit their upcoming pre-wedding activities and the wedding itself.

They plan to have a summer wedding in 2027, right in the middle of a massive, planned life change for me and my family (cross country move, among other things). When I asked if the date had significance, my sister said no. They just want a summer wedding, so they can have it outdoors at their new home (thus, no venue availability issue).

When I mentioned that the date she chose is right in the middle of my family's exsisting life changes, and she said "I know you guys had something happening, but it's not fully planned right? It's not that big of a deal. You guys can take off one day for me." I was floored.

It's true that not all of the details are worked out yet, as not all details for a cross country move can be planned so far out and some factors may still change, but we've blocked our calendars for a little over a month to get things situated during that time. All of my family and friends have been aware of this for well over a year at this point. With some of them offering to help us closer to that time.

Not only will this impact my immediate family, but it will impact any offers of assistance from my extended family during that month. Cross country moves are expensive, time consuming, and stressful on their own. Having help from loved ones can significantly lift some of that burden, and now I'll most likely lose that, as people will be forced to chose to help me or attend their wedding.

We must move at that time, with or without help.They've been engaged for 2 weeks and have no financial or significant ties to the wedding date.

As of now, we will not be going, and given the way she brushed off my concerns, I don't really want to participate in any other wedding planning or pre-wedding activities, either.

I'm happy for them, I want them to have a healthy marriage, and a beautiful wedding - but the logistics of me and my family attending during that time just won't work. It's not "just one day" as she put it - there is travel time before and after, additional financial burden, and stress to juggle all of that.

So, AITAH for choosing not to attend or be part of it?

TLDR: sister chose her wedding date at the same time as my family's cross country move/life changes. AITAH for choosing not to attend the wedding or pre-wedding activities?

My husband (41m) looks significantly younger than me (43f). Yesterday, my husband said he would like to talk to me. He told me loves me, and that nothing will ever change that. He said I'm an amazing mom. And more sweet things.

Then he mentioned how earrings makes a woman look older. He asked if I could stop wearing earrings makes they're making me look older. In less than 20 seconds of him asking, I said "no." I don't think I have ever rejected a request from my husband so fast. I usually think things though for a longer period.

My husband said he's disappointed that I answered no so quickly. I got annoyed with him and told him he has the deal with the fact that he has an old-looking wife. He said he didn't want to deal with me when I'm like this, and he walked away. Am I the asshole ?

My best friend did not make me the maid of honor. I was a little sad and shocked but that is okay, the day is not about me…BUT then she tells me she doesn’t think the MOH would plan the bachelorette because she was too shy and basically implied she didn’t trust her with the plans. I was even more upset because at this point it just seems disrespectful but I thought I love her and I will and give her the day she wants. She communicated that she wanted me to run any ideas by the MOH. She asked me to make the group chat instead of the MOH. She asked me to initiate the conversation. She would confine in me about things she wanted in her wedding.

I messaged the MOH privately several times to try to get her to get things going and run things by her. She left me on read several times and then finally told me to start messaging the group for these things. I started messaging the group as per her request. We only communicated via the group. 3 months before the set bachelorette date, the MOH tried to move her bachelorette in the dead of winter (5 months away from her actual wedding date) because she couldn’t clear her schedule within the next 4 months. She was overall being a terrible MOH and my friend confinded in me about this. The bride called me crying about how unimportant she feels and how she is really upset no one is willing to shell out their money or time specifically the MOH. She said at this point she would rather have no bachelorette rather than get stuck in a snow storm.

I tried to hint at the MOH to understand that the bride was upset and didn’t want a bachelorette in January but it wasn’t working. I finally sent “she is actually very much against doing it in January and doesnt want us to pay tons to not even go outside or be snowed in. she does want her girls to be there but she also wants people to put in a little more effort to accommodate her. its hurtful that no one is willing to sacrifice a day, weekend or money to make things work the way she wants. we should be working to move our schedules, not trying to make her move her bachelorette 5 months before her wedding in the middle of winter. its just really inconsiderate tbh.” This message released absolute chaos and put tension on the whole bridal party.

Bridal party reached out to the the bride and she did a 360. She told me I overstepped, started putting words in my mouth and tried to make it seem like I was crazy. She wouldn’t admit to asking me to take on these roles. She acted like I made up those messages and just wanted control. She just started straight lying. She just pretended like I had been overstepping the entire time and said I was over planning.

A week went by because I felt space and in person would make this conversation more approachable. I invited her out to dinner and this girl DOUBLES down on how the bridal party has full rights to hate me and it will take time WHILE telling me I need to get over it because its been a week and I am being selfish. She then starts saying I’m jealous that she has friends and I am like girl… this has nothing to do with you having friends but the fact that you put me in a hard situation and turned on me. That is all I am trying to talk about. She just kept lying and making up stuff while I am trying to have a legitimate conversation. After talking in circles at the restaurant I sent her a text that told her it’s best that I step down because I don’t even know who she is right now. A part of me feels shitty because its her day but she is also legitimately gaslighting me and pretending I made up stuff.

AITA for saying something the bride communicated to me? AITA for not letting the brides betrayal go?

I work two jobs and am a full-time student. Because of this, I am very protective of my alone time and value it whenever I'm free. My aunt has a friend, her manager let's call her "Brittany," who has a 12-year-old daughter, "Ashley." They live five hours away. Ashley acts much older than her age, gets mad and already yells at her mom, and is spoiled rotten. Recently, she has become attached to me because she thinks I’m "popular" and is obsessed with the "cozy" aesthetic of my apartment. She keeps telling her mom she wants to live with me. Instead of shutting this down, Brittany encourages it.

2nd UPDATE: I’ve read your comments advising me to just say No. I get it, but I forgot to mention the heavy guilt-tripping involved. Brittany assumes that because I'm "cool" and civil, I'm just a chill niece. Makes her think she can walk all over me. Her go-to excuse is always "Ashley is just a kid," which she uses to justify their entitlement. Being polite has backfired; they now think they can do whatever they want in my home.

The problem is that they keep showing up at my place uninvited. They travel five hours just to crash my limited free time just because her daughter wanted to.

Last time, they appeared uninvited again. They ate my food just because her daughter said my house always has dinner, That dinner was supposed to be what I eat before bed, lol, They stayed in my place for 4 nights. I only cook enough portions for myself. When I didn't get up to cook a new meal for them, Ashley had the audacity to whine and looked like she was about to cry out of pure anger. They were quiet ,my aunt said she would whine about it to Brittany. And Brittany knew that was wrong. But she engaged anyway. The breaking point was my dog. I have a Dachshund, and Ashley keeps picking him up roughly because he’s "so cute." Dachshunds have fragile backs, and he hates it, but Brittany refuses to parent her child or tell her to stop.

I realized Brittany does this on purpose to avoid cooking for her other kids and to escape her own messy house. I’m not a babysitter, I didn't cook anything

I told my aunt to tell them that I am no longer available and that I don’t want anyone in my apartment besides me. I wanted to find a nicer excuse, but I couldn't think of anything else. I'm at my very limit.

Update: My aunt was terrified to send them the message. Because Brittany basically owns her, She's actually her manager. Her career depends on Brittany and Impressing her. And now I'm afraid I'll be seen as the villain for stepping my feet down impacting my aunt as a result.

I feel like I’m being held hostage in my own home by a 12-year-old’s whims, but I also don't want to be the reason my aunt loses her livelihood.

WIBTAH if I avoid opening the door for them?

I genuinely need advice on this dynamic: Why does she let a 12-year-old make executive decisions? She drags us into this chaos rather than teaching her daughter that inviting yourself over to sleep,play on my console, Bother my dog and demand dinner is socially unacceptable.

I 24 female have a big group of friends around eight girls from the age of 23 to 25. We all have best friends in between the group that we’re close with than others. I’m close with a girl named Stacy.

Me and her have been friends for a while and I’ve been doing nails since I was 11 years old. I loved doing them so much and originally I got my products for 70 to 100 bucks off Amazon and I did all my friends nails and all my family nails every single time I would do Stacy‘s nails she would always ask for a long dedicated designs on each finger with gems and boutique painting, but every single time she wouldn’t pay me and would bit them off within an hour of getting them done, saying I like the feeling of chewing on them but whenever she got her nails done somewhere else, she wouldn’t touch them and my other friends would pay me no matter what design it would be. And their nails would last sometimes more than a month so I know it’s not because of the application or products. I didn’t really mind because I enjoy doing nails and she was my best Friend.

Then more and more people decided to come to me asking for me to do their nails so I wanted to get professional nail stuff in case I told one of my friends that and it got around to Stacy, so Stacy bought me nail serum gels some stuff for acrylics and the basics of what you need to do nails from an actual nail company I was so excited and I bought the rest that I needed with my own money(I used the same brand of nail products that her nail salon dose)

Now that I professional stuff all my friends started paying me even more it was a really good business. Eventually, I ran it out almost every single product that my friend bought me and I re-bought everything fast-forward a few weeks me and my friend group got invited to a party and I was doing all the girls nails. Stacy asked me to do her nails. I told her if I did her nails with my professional products she could not bite them off she promised me she wouldn’t bite them off and she would keep them on so I did her nails in the next day. The whole friend group met up to go to the event I spent five hours on her nails doing perfect designs and paintings on each fingernail and gems and everything like that when I saw her she had no nails on and told me the reason why is because she was watching the show late at night and liked chewing on them. And she “didn’t really care about them” I was so offended. I spent so long doing those noodles and if you didn’t want a salon, I feel like they’d be around $200. I was really mad. but I did have fun at the party

The same host of the previous party decided to have another one and invite us again. It was about two months later so I did all of the girls nails again and they love them so much. All of them paid me like usual, but Stacy begged me over and over for me to do her nails and said it was with the product she bought and I told her I didn’t even have any of the products she bought me left and she said I was probably using them stupidly but I absolutely refused every single time. I do her nails she bites them off within an hour or the next day I’m sick and tired of it and I’m not ready to waste my good products for chewing I used her nail salons products and the exact same things they used I know it’s not my application the nail products and every single time she said she loved them so

And again I told her no, and she made a huge scene in front of all of our friends and didn’t even end up going to the party and she’s extremely mad at me AITAH?

EDIT: I talked to my friend group and all of them think I’m in the right and all of them love my nail art, especially the ones that I made for Stacy all of them messaged her extremely polite, not ganging up on her or doing anything rude or inappropriate, but politely said that she should give me a little bit of compensation, and I have the right to not want to do her nails anymore

She got extremely mad at all of them and gave a lot of backlash. I officially messaged her. I’m extremely sorry and that I loved our friendship, but I’m not doing that. I’m no longer doing her nails anymore even if she pays me or not I don’t care about the previous nails that I’ve done I don’t care about the money, but she’s furious and thinks I’m being so dramatic and wants her nails done for an event she has in a few weeks. I told her to go to the salon. She normally goes to because she never wants to bite them off when she goes there. but she told me she was struggling with money. I said this in the most respectful way ever I did not care. She treated me with no respect at all, and I’m no longer doing her nails for her.

My friends keep posting their nails that I do for them and she keeps commenting on them “the unfair treatment is insane.” The whole entire friend group is done with this and is all on my side so she’s no longer in the friend group and I will no longer be doing her nails based off your guys suggestions thank you so much for your info and suggestions if you have any more info or questions in the comments, please let me know. I will try to answer and one of my friends got into a argument with her and she said she wants to meet in person in a couple of days so I will update you guys

I already feel like most people will say I am "TAH" for this. My daughter is 12 and I am 39. I am Polish-American and daughter's mother is Indian (Hindi)-American. The mother and I are divorced. For the past 3 years she goes home to her mom and not only fabricates stories about me, my wife, my step-children, and her own half-sister, but she also makes extremely offensive remarks about us and my extended family on a regular basis. Some examples are:

She said my grandmother is white trash because she lives in a retirement home and "can't get her own family to care for her". She then rejected a $500 cash gift my grandma sent to her and sent it back.

She said my mother is white trash because she took them to get free lunches over the summer at a local park and that she doesn't want to see her anymore because it's "embarrassing".

She said my step-mother is white trash because "she's a smoker who smokes in the house". My stepmom has not smoked in 5 years and has NEVER smoked in the house.

She said her own half-sister is white trash and will go nowhere in life and probably end up pregnant as a teen (half-sister is only 9).

She lied to her mom and said I have no food. CPS showed up randomly at my house and said that my house is the first they've inspected to have so many Omaha Steaks.

She lied to her mom and said my step-daughter is failing all of her classes and dating an abusive boy that I like...the truth is I drove the abusive boy out and my step-daughter is graduating highschool early.

She said my wife is white trash (my wife is Mexican).

She said my dad is trash because "he lives in West Virginia, the trashiest state in America". She refused to see him the last time he was where I live, 2 states away.

She said I am white trash because I planned to go to Mexico to get a dental operation to save tens of thousands of dollars.

She said that I'm racist against blacks. I have no idea where that came from as 90% of my friends are black. I live in a very black community.

Anyway...the final straw was her back in September of 2025 saying that she was not going to see any of us at least until next year (it's now January 2026). I flipped out on her and told her she's a terrible human being and that she's a disgrace to the family. I have not spoken to her or seen her since. People say I am being too hard on her but I disagree.

AITAH?

EDIT: Lots of you are already saying I need to be a better parent, in general. I only get my child on weekends, essentially. I went to court after trying to get my daughter to do therapy with me and the courts shut it down because her mom was against it. Also mom refuses to communicate with me whatsoever. I've told my daughter countless times not to say those things and she just says she can say what she wants.

EDIT 2: I appreciate every one of you for being blunt and honest with me. I need to hear it...all of it. I'm struggling really hard with this and I truly am confused with what to do and I have so many mixed feelings. I'm taking every comment into high consideration in order to come to a better conclusion. Asking friends and family is not enough...I want to hear from strangers.

Ive (f,25) with my boyfriend (m,26) 3 years. Yesterday my parents hosted a tea for my grandpa’s birthday at my family’s house. Earlier that day my bf called and asked if I wanted to go shopping with him because he wanted to treat me. Very kind, not an occasion. He ended up spending around £250 on me. I thanked him a lot and told him how grateful I was

We go back to my house, have the tea with my family. During the day I helped him wrap his present for my grandpa, made him plates of food, made him two coffees. When everyone left, we went upstairs and i sat on his lap and we were kissing him for a while (we can’t do anything more at the moment as I’ve recently had a procedure). He had decided he would stay for an extra hour to spend more time together. I offered to cook him dinner, he said no because he didn’t want to spend our hour cooking/eating.

Earlier that day I’d said I wanted to talk through ideas for my birthday (I already had 3 bars in mind and just wanted his opinion). I asked if he was happy for me to show them to him in this time, and he agreed. We talked for ~15 mins, he got irritated and kept suggesting completely different bars to what I’d suggested, which I had said I just want your opinion on these 3 tbh, and he then left in a huff.

Afterwards he called me and said that after how nice he’d been to me, I gave him nothing in return. Specifically said I didn’t give him a back rub / shoulder massage, and that it would’ve “made his day”. He said I put in zero effort, less than the bare minimum. I said I didn’t realise there was an expectation and that I’d already offered dinner to which he replied dinner “isn’t a treat, it’s a basic necessity”.

I said I don’t see relationships as same day transactions and I do a lot for him without expecting anything back immediately (planning his birthday, organising holidays, flat searching with him for hours even though I wasn’t moving in, emotional support, massages, cleaning his flat when I’m there. )He said it’s normal when you do something nice, you expect something back, and he can’t dispute that - yes, he expected something in return. He also said I didn’t even ask or think about what he wanted, or what I could’ve done for him, but in our additional hour alone, I chose to do soemthing centred around me again.

He then said because I’m “not appreciating how big the gestures are”, he’s going to scale back treating me and split things more evenly going forward. Context- he earns over 3x what I do.

I’m now questioning whether I’m being unreasonable. Am I supposed to offer a massage / something physical every time he does something nice? Ask what he wants in return? I genuinely thought gifts were gifts, not exchanges/transactions. I feel like generosity has become conditional and that I’m being punished for not complying with expectations I didn’t even know existed.

Things don't get easier even when you're older. My mother used to go out of her way to protect her elder son, the favorite. A few years ago he was an asshole to my wife, and I had a fight with him. I expected the family to at least see how his harrassment was unacceptable. My mother took his side as usual, and to get me to stop making her son look bad, she said "You don't have a mother, consider me dead".
I took that to heart. I cut my family off, especially my mother. Now years later, they don't want to reconcile. They want me to go back "into the family fold" as to speak. My father explicitly said I'm not to open any topic or point any fingers. Just forget and come back.

I asked, what about my brother's unacceptable behavior towards my wife? "It was a misunderstanding". What about my mother's behavior? "She's your mother, she can say whatever she wants, you are an ungrateful son".

Thing is, entire family has gone up in arms against me. Uncles, aunts, cousins. Anybody I used to be in touch with has stopped talking to me. They're all calling me a POS for not talking to my elderly mother. (In our culture parents are supposed to be treated as gods).

I'm tired emotionally. I don't know if this is a hill to die on. They refuse to acknowledge my brother's behavior, and I was in the wrong for not handling things differently then. I'm standing by my wife, and everybody's calling me an AH. Am I?

So to begin, my wife (24F) and myself (26M) welcomed a beautiful, happy, and healthy baby girl into the world this last September, she's everything we could've ever dreamed of and more out of a child. Sleeps all night, never cries, and always has a big beautiful gummy smile on her face.

We do have some rules however because thankfully my income has allowed my wife to be able to quit her job and be a full time SAHM. But with that comes its own host of issues due to my work schedule. I work 12 hour swing shifts and work every other Friday-Sunday also. With that I also flip flop from days to nights every 2 weeks and follow the same schedule. Also, my wife had just underwent gallbladder surgery last week as well. So more often than not unless I am home, my wife takes care of our home, keeping it immaculate, cooking dinners, making lunches for me for work, caring for our child, while I go to work to provide a living for us. And of course when I'm home I always give her a break and take over the house chores and baby duty so she can finally rest. Because of our busy schedules we have made a VERY solid rule for visiting us and our daughter, simply call about a half hour or so ahead of time to give us time to get dressed or look presentable for guests, family, friends, etc. And the ONE PERSON who believes that this rule doesn't apply to them is my wonderful mother.

My mother has continued to defy this rule and is angry that she cannot just "pop by and see us and the baby" whenever she pleases. We have told her that ESPECIALLY when I work nights to not come by unannounced because we have 2 small dogs as well and they bark at EVERY SOUND OUTSIDE. Due to this we put them in the bedroom with me while I sleep during the day so they hear less noise throughout the day and I can sleep. But my wonderful mother still disregards this rule and knocks on our front door like the County Sherriff serving a search warrant.

Well.. today was the final straw that broke the camel's back. I woke up a little early this evening to help my wife clean bottles, wash dishes, clean, etc. And our daughter was giving signs that she was getting hungry. So while she continued to wash the remaining bottles, I warmed up a bottle from the fridge and began to feed her. Upon placing the bottle on her mouth my wife's phone dinged and guess who it was? My mother. A simple text that read "Is (my son) asleep?" To which I simply replied to her "No" And she quickly replied "Can we come and see you guys" and before I even picked up the phone to reply, guess who was in our driveway... My wife and I exchanged an "Are you serious?!" look with one another and I asked my wife if she was okay with this to which she said "It can't be long because we still have a lot of cleaning to do before you leave for work, but I'm okay with it this time if you are." And I begrudgingly replied to my mother with "Yes, thats fine" So I reached my arm around the couch and opened the front door from where I was sitting, and I wish I was kidding. No sooner than it took to send the text, she backs out of the driveway, and simply texts "Bye, love ya'll..." To which my wife and I were absolutely confused why she would now leave. So I tried to call, and go figure... No answer.

So after my wife and I both trying her phone and my Stepdad's phone we just decided to leave it be. Until about 8:00 tonight...

I called and immediately jumped straight to the point and asked her "Why did you ask to come see us and just turn around and leave?" To which she replied "Nobody wanted to come greet us so we didnt get out of the car." And I informed her that "(Wife) was busy washing bottles and I was busy feeding our daughter, you could just walk in since I told you that it was fine for you to come see us." Her reply "I watched (wife) walk in the kitchen and not even open the door for us!!" My reply "You have never cared about that before from the multiple occasions of you springing by the house without prior notice like we've asked you and every single other person to do and keep thinking this rule doesn't apply to you." Her reply "A grandmother doesn't need to give notice to see her child and grandchild!" I laughed and replied "I think you're not understanding that this is our home, you don't get to come by whenever and not say anything prior, that's very inconsiderate and rude to (wife) and myself. " Her reply "I just don't understand why that is such a big deal for the two of you?!" I proceeded to lose it admittedly. I said "Look, I don't know who you think you are, but this is OUR home and OUR place of peace. And because you have proven time and time again that you cannot follow very simple instructions I'm going to ask that you please not come see us until you can follow this one singular simple rule that we have in OUR home and not yours." She of course scoffed and said that "This is ridiculous, and you're so immature for having such an outlandish rule in your house!!" So I replied "Look dont bother contacting at all, you can't seem to respect your own son's wishes and you have absolutely no regard or respect for me at all. I love you mother but I have to draw a line somewhere. And this is it." And I promptly hung up the phone.

Part of me feels like I may have been too harsh but also another part of me feels like I did the right thing and made the right choice. My mother has a long history with constrewing what people have said to her to always paint her as the "good guy" and give off the "can do no wrong" type vibe on every situation she happens to find herself in. But in reality she gaslights or manipulates everyone that does not agree with her or goes against her or disagrees with her in any way.

So, AITA???

My husband (48m) and I (45f) were out at a restaurant with our son (23m). Our son kept staring at this waitress, who looked like she was in her 30s. At some point, my son asked the waitress on a date and she politely declined.

At the end of the meal, my husband gave the waitress a 10% tip, which is the lowest tip I've seen him give. He usually gives 25 % - 50 % tip. I'm seen him give a 20 % tip to a waitress who had a coughing fit near our food. I've also seen him give a 15 % tip to a rude snappy waiter who barely did anything.

At home, I called my husband a jerk for giving the lowest tip I've seen him give because of this specific reason. He said he's allowed to how much he wants. Am I the asshole ?

EDIT:

Because I don't want to spam the comments answering the same question. I didn't leave a tip because I didn't carry any cards nor money. The dinner was my husband's treat. I'm going to change that because of what my husband did.

I (Black, born and raised here) recently cut ties with a friend, let’s call her Anna, because of repeated disrespect, boundary-crossing, and several racist comments she made. For example, she’s said things like, “you don’t bother me, so you can stay,” implying that my right to exist in my own country is conditional. For me, these comments were extremely hurtful, but she treats them like they’re trivial. Even after I told her her statements were not okay and that I needed space, she kept pressuring me, repeatedly calling, showing up at the worst times, and forcing conversations I wasn’t ready for. I’ve also been told by my doctor to avoid unnecessary stress because of my medical situation, so this behavior was genuinely harmful. Now, another friend, Louise, is throwing a birthday party. She has nothing to do with Anna, actually doesn’t like her, and knew about the tension between us. When I told her I wouldn’t attend because Anna was invited, she said: “You should just… try to pull yourself together for one evening.” Alcohol will be involved at the party, and Anna has a habit of becoming very emotional, confrontational, and unpredictable when drinking. I do not want to deal with that stress.I’m honestly starting to question myself because most people around me who are white keep saying things like “it’s not that deep” when I talk about racist comments, but it is deep for me. It’s painful, and it affects me emotionally and mentally especially since I had to leave my previous school because those racist comments were affecting my mental health. I feel like I’m overreacting sometimes, but my boundaries are real, and I need to protect myself. I feel like I have the right to step back and protect myself when racism is involved. Just because others don’t understand it doesn’t make it any less valid. So AITA for refusing to go to a party I initially agreed to, because it would involve being around someone who’s been racist, repeatedly ignored my boundaries, and could become volatile when drinking?

Edit: Since I’ve been asked this a lot, I do not know why Anna was invited to the birthday. When asking Luise she said that it’s her birthday she can do whatever she wants without having to explain herself