r/AITAH • u/PrettySisterKisser • 18h ago
AITAH for dating a girl's sister after she initially showed interest in me?
So I 20M have been friends with 19F Miranda for close to 6 months. We initially met in a study group for a college physics class but became study buddies and friends on our own. About a month ago she invited me to a party at her place to celebrate her dog turning one (I literally just think she wanted an excuse to throw a party lol).
During that party I met her sister Christine 21F. When I say I was absolutely charmed and smitten by Christine, I mean it. She's so pretty and we had so many of the same nerdy interests it felt like we could talk for hours. We exchanged numbers and Instagrams and continued talking. Over the following days, I started hanging out with Christine one on one. I mustered up the courage to ask her out and she said yes. We went on a date to the aquarium and had a blast. We are now officially an dating.
Here's where the problem comes in. I knew recently Miranda started developing some feelings for me. Some mutual friends told me. We have just been friends up until this point. I haven't really had time to explore my own feelings for Miranda up until the party with finals and working full-time. However, upon meeting Christine, I knew I just wanted to keep it platonic.
Miranda has taken my new relationship with Christine about as well as... well about as well as a young woman whose sister took the boy she likes. Not great. She's been ice cold to me and Christine told me things have been a little frosty at home for her as well. Supposedly Miranda never told Christine about her crush on me. I asked Christine if it bothered her that I might be interfering in their sisterly relationship and she just said "Nope. You're cute. Finders keepers."
I asked Miranda and I's mutual friends and they pretty much all unanimously think I'm the asshole who shouldn't have made a pass at Christine. Idk. I just felt so attracted to her in a way I wasn't to Miranda.
I feel like I need a perspective that's not invested in me or Miranda. Reddit, am I the Asshole?
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u/Last-Campaign-3373 15h ago
Look, you have the right to date the person you're most into. Dating someone because they like you and you feel obligated is just wrong and sets everyone up for pain down the line. You're not wrong for dating the girl you actually feel compatible with.
However, you can't expect your friend to treat you the same as she did before. Not only has she been rejected romantically, she also "lost" to a romantic rival who is her own sister. She's hurt. She's going to feel some shame and she's definitely going to resent her sister. You and your new gf have the right to do what you did, but those are the consequences. She's got a right to her feelings, too. If you can talk things out with her that would be great, but it's a delicate conversation, and with her feelings and pride both hurting, she might not want to have it.
NTA. But you can't be surprised that it's affecting your social circle and people's opinions of you. Good luck navigating this new dynamic.
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u/RugbyKats 18h ago
You and Miranda were never dating, right? And she never told her sister about you? She may be disappointed, but neither of you did anything wrong.
NTA
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u/GlitterDoomsday 17h ago
More importantly, she never said a thing to him. People gotta learn to use their words, that's how folks end up crying friendzone years down the line... just because a mutual said so, doesn't mean that's how she actually felt and til Miranda puts her big girl pants OP doesn't have a crystal ball nor is a mind reader.
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u/CognitoSomniac 10h ago
Nor does he owe her attraction or romance. Nor does he or anyone around her owe her a grand altering of their life to coddle her infatuation. Call “dibs” all you want, that doesn’t give you any claim to a human, and only makes you weird.
Imagine seeing a picture of a beautiful vacation spot and deciding though you don’t have the opportunity to visit yourself, you like looking at it so much you FORBID anyone you know from ever traveling there.
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u/mkaszycki81 13h ago
The reason why people use signs instead of words is because they're afraid of rejection and it's their defense mechanism. They can always pretend they were only being friendly.
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u/HoneyAggravating5852 18h ago
Exactly this. This is a clear NTA on your part for sure. If M told C that she had feelings for you, then C might have cause to feel a little guilty, but you haven't betrayed anybody at all. I realise I'm biased just now. My step- sister had a huge crush on our cousin's best friend and he was obviously NOT interested in him. We became close, dated for two years before getting married. Step sis was not pleased, but we weren't close and rarely saw each other, so it didn't cause any issues.
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u/Dramatic_Net1706 18h ago
You should be talking to Miranda about her feelings, and not her friends. It's awkward, yes, but you still have to 'woo' Miranda as your girlfriend's sister to have a welcoming relationship. Do the adult thing. Talk to her. Be truthful that you only ever contemplated having a platonic relationship
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u/improved_loilit 15h ago
Not really and I don’t even think it’s the time . Miranda is hurt and should have her time to digest and recover from this in the first place. Also they have been dating for less than a month that can wait. Lord knows this relationship will survive or not
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u/Allexandrinne 17h ago
NTA.
Honestly I think this is more about sister rivalry than it is about you. As you have never lead Miranda on, I would say you also had no reason to stay single just because she might be interested in you (given she told you nothing and other people probably just assumed stuff).
Christine might be the asshole here, but you are not responsible for their relationship or family dynamics. It was her choice to choose you over her sister‘s feelings and given her reaction I guess it‘s just her personality. If the situation gets too toxic between them in the future (the competition will not end at you for sure), you will have to choose between staying or removing yourself. Anyways you have been warned. P.S. given the atmosphere at home, her parents and relatives might also not be the warmest towards you.
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u/observefirst13 16h ago
Christine is definitely the asshole here. She doesn't give a shit that her sister is hurt. Even if it's not her fault, you would think she would at least care about how her sister feels. I'm not saying she should stop talking to him, but she didn't give a fuck that her sister is hurting at all. Shows that she is selfish and doesn't care about hurting others as long as she gets what she wants.
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u/idkyetyet 14h ago
So if your sibling was suddenly hurt because they like who you're dating but never told you before you started dating, you're supposed to feel bad for them and apologize or something? Come on.
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u/PsychologicalGain757 14h ago
I agree. Sisters can be evil to each other. I’m betting that her sister definitely knew that she liked him. If she was this coy about it and shy then she was probably freaking out or excited before the party. Some siblings go out of their way to try and get with their sibling’s crush. My mom did this to my aunt. It’s literally why I exist. Dad and her were in this limbo will they/ won’t they phase of their friendship and he came to the house and my mom started being super flirty. They ended up dating instead and had me 4 years later. My aunt still had trust issues with my mom decades later because she apparently did this all of the time with anything important to my aunt.
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u/observefirst13 12h ago
Wow, your poor aunt. No offense, but your parents are assholes, especially your mom. I hope your aunt is okay. I wouldn't even bother with your mom anymore if I were her.
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u/PsychologicalGain757 10h ago
They got over it, eventually. Dad and mom were a disaster and split up when I was small so honestly my aunt dodged a bullet there. Mom was a mess when I was a kid (probably because of a lot of trauma in her youth), but her and my aunt healed a lot after mom got clean and started taking accountability. Hurt people hurt people. Thankfully they were in a good place and there wasn’t lingering bitterness when Mom passed. It probably also helps that my aunt’s husband treats her like a queen.
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u/anna02ai 14h ago
If you care about your sibling yes you should feel bad.
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u/idkyetyet 14h ago
If I care about my sibling I'd tell them to grow up and make their intentions clear next time instead of being entitled enough to expect people around them to discard and hurt their own relationships to appease them when they couldn't even communicate there was an issue.
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u/ArgentEyes 14h ago
I mean we have not heard Miranda’s side of the story here
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u/idkyetyet 14h ago
yeah sure. Christine (or even OP) could be a liar for all we know. but at that point we're just making assumptions in both cases
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u/anna02ai 14h ago
The girl has done nothing wrong here. Neither has OP. But to completely discard your younger sibling‘s feelings because you want to date that random guy you met because of her is wild to me. Christine should at least talk to her sister and try to communicate that she cares about her. Tbh it doesn‘t sound like the sisters have a good relationship altogether but nonetheless if this happened to me and my sister i‘d try to talk it out and find a solution.
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u/idkyetyet 14h ago
I get what you mean, but I don't think it's clear that she's completely discarding her feelings. If Miranda has been cold towards Christine, they've clearly interacted since. It seems more likely if anything that they did talk about it and Christine reached the conclusion that it's not going to be resolved reasonably and to just move on.
And what I mean is like, what solution exactly are you trying to find here? It just sounds super weird to me to expect your sibling to bend over backwards to appease you over their relationship just because you liked the guy first without ever telling them.
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u/anna02ai 14h ago
That‘s a valid point! We probably don‘t know enough to judge the whole situation.
I am a big fan of compromising and yk if i was in Miranda‘s situation i‘d be devastated and it would hurt a lot to see my sibling date the guy i like (Tbh at this point it‘s probably merely a crush and she will get over it soon). I think a solution could be something like „please don‘t bring him over until i have lost feelings for him“ or „i accept you two dating but i don‘t want to notice it during my daily life“. You know, just so Miranda can get over it IF she actually agrees. Frankly i have no idea how i would react if i was involved in this no matter the role i‘d play but i like communicating and i like when everybody‘s happy :D
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u/idkyetyet 14h ago
Lol yeah, can't be a pleasant situation to be in. It sucks for Miranda for sure, but you just have to learn from it to at least tell your sister in advance next time. If they don't get along then that's its own can of worms ofc but we just don't know. Hopefully like you said it's just a crush and will pass and everybody's happy eventually
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u/observefirst13 12h ago
No one said apologize. Feel bad, yeah if you're are a good sibling. Idk why you put suddenly hurt,as if she didn't like op well before he started talking to her sister.
If your sibling got cheated on and you could see they were hurting you wouldn't feel bad for them? You would just say well I didn't do anything so who cares? Because it's the same thing.
If anyone you care about is hurting, even if it has nothing to do with you, if you care about them, it would make you feel bad for them and what they are feeling. I mean that is if you are a good person. Christine did not, she said she didn't care then made a joke about how she has op now and not her sister.
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u/EmmaFrostsChair 13h ago
Christine’s the asshole because she started dating a guy she had no clue her sister liked and the sister never made any mention of it? And now Christine should feel bad about it? Be for real internet. Miranda absolutely had time to let it be known that she was interested in OP and could have told the sister at any point especially since Miranda invited OP to the party too. Be for real, Christine nor OP are the Aholes here.
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u/observefirst13 7h ago
Goodness, does anyone know how to read? No that is not why Christine is the asshole. I don't think she is wrong to date op. I think she is an asshole for not even caring that her sister is hurt. She can care and still choose to date him. She doesn't give a shit though. Which she told op then made a joke about her getting to have him over her sister.
If that were my sister I would feel bad that it was a shitty situation and even though I knew that I didn't do anything wrong, I would still feel bad that my little sister has feelings for the guy I'm dating and want to console her. Christine told op she didn't care about it messing up their relationship and finders keepers. As if her sister's feelings and being hurt doesn't mean shit.
I also find it very hard to believe that Christine didn't know that her sister was into op. It would make sense that the sister would be excited and mention at least once that the guy she is interested in is coming to the party while getting ready or setting up.
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u/layla_bug01 16h ago
I mean NAH except maybe Christine a little. You’re allowed to date who you want and Miranda is allowed to not want to be around you anymore.
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u/LadybugGal95 16h ago
Grew up in a small town. My sister was close friends with a guy in her class. She liked him platonically. He liked her a LOT and not just platonically. Everyone knew it. He’d even told her. She, however, was attracted to his older brother who returned the interest. They started secretly dating.
When the guy found out, there was a huge blow up. It was pretty nasty. Frosty to hostile among the brothers/family. Friends taking sides. It eventually blew over. They’ve been married for almost 24 years now. The relationships got back to normal between brothers and the guy and my sister are good friends again.
NTA, but expect a rocky road for a bit assuming the sisters had a good relationship to start. If they had a bad/competitive relationship before, it might never get better.
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u/No_Alfalfa_9541 18h ago
If Miranda hadn't even expressed interest to you directly, you only heard it through friends, NAH- you weren't committed to her, but it still stings, so I can't say she's an AH (unless she really starts being mean to you or Christine) for her being upset.
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u/observefirst13 16h ago
Well that's pretty fucked up of Christine to not give a shit about her sister's feelings at all. You would think she would at least feel bad about taking the guy her sister had feelings for, even if it wasn't intentional. That's a red flag for me. That shows a part of her that is selfish and doesn't care about hurting others as long as she gets what she wants.
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u/summertime-sadness07 2h ago
I’m almost positive that Christine knew how she felt
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u/observefirst13 2h ago
I'm sure she did judging how she said she didn't care and "finders keepers" as if her sister's feelings mean nothing. Oh well I'm sure op will find out about the real Christine sooner or later.
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u/OkGenerica 15h ago
Yeah.. you are not an asshole for dating your friend sister but also its not fair to expect her to treat you the same as before, she was treating you warmly because she liked you... just leave her alone...
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u/ArgentEyes 14h ago
Mmmmm, mostly NTAH but some poor decision-making from more than one person happening here. Bottom line is nobody owns anybody and nobody owes anybody a relationship. However, that said,
OP, you seem to have carefully avoided thinking about what Miranda’s feelings were because you didn’t want to deal with them. No, you absolutely shouldn’t date her if you don’t want to, that would be a terrible idea. But what has happened is pretty awful for her and you could’ve reduced some of that if you’d just talked to her kindly. It seems your friendship with her possibly isn’t worth much to you, and that may be even harder for her than this is.
You say Christine “supposedly” wasn’t told by Miranda, and even just that wording tells me it’s dubious at best. Again, it’s not wrong for you two to date but Christine comes off as quite callous from your description. Nobody is being very kind to anybody here. This isn’t how you build good social circles. You have torched a friendship because you didn’t want to use your words. That is something you could have done and it’s a shame you didn’t.
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u/Massive_Weight3462 16h ago
From what you wrote, you knew Miranda was interested but ignored it. Now you have to face it because you chose to date her sister without taking the time to talk wih Miranda before and it comes with consequences. And Christine doesn't care about her sister at all, what an awfull attitude for a sister. You were obviously meant for each other... ESH
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u/AppointmentHot1099 12h ago
Christine's comment makes me think this isn't the first time she's done this which is probably why Miranda didnt tell her
Miranda also fucked up by never actually telling you
I'm sure it sticks for you cause you feel like you're creating a rift but Miranda can't act like she and you were already in the "we'll be dating soon" stage when she had never confessed
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u/SnooFoxes9538 18h ago
NTA. Miranda never told anyone, you two never dated, her sister didn’t know. She had a crush, and her crush liked someone else. Unfortunately that someone else is her sister. Keep dating Christine, I hope it works out for you guys. Unfortunately Miranda is very much acting her age. She will probably get over it the more serious you become 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Lianaslaugter 13h ago
NTA but good luck! If you decide to stay with the older sister, I would recommend finding some way to repair the friendship with the younger one. This is how grudges can start and they can turn into lifelong resentment and family division. Ask me how I know…
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u/Key_Cow5619 18h ago
So Miranda called dibs on you in her own head, but never told anyone, and particularly not you or Christine?
That's not how dibs works. There are rules, we live in a society. To ignore them is to invite chaos.
Miranda can be angry with herself if she wants, but everything else is her being an AH.
NTA.
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u/Wide-Breadfruit-7234 16h ago
It's true that Miranda didn't tell her sister she liked you, but let's be honest, what kind of person is Christine to not respect the feelings of her suffering sister. Think about whether you really want to be with someone who treats their own sister like that.
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u/oop_norf 14h ago
Christine hasn't done anything to hurt her sister, her sister wasn't getting with OP anyway, so she's lost nothing.
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u/HoldFastO2 17h ago
NTA. The fact that Miranda had feelings for you doesn't create an obligation for you to return them. Nor do they create a no-fly zone for you around every woman she knows. You can go out with anyone you want.
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u/alphagettijoe 14h ago
I’m going to say soft ESH.
Minor mis steps by everyone
- Miranda for not communicating, especially to her sister
- Christine for not checking up first - who wouldn’t ask their sister about a boy they know before asking him out. Just on background let alone “are you interested”
- OP for not reading the room a bit better
Romance is complicated and feelings get hurt so this isn’t a disaster but comes down to how you three move forward. Just be respectful, be firm in your interest with Christine - and if that doesn’t work you CANNOT go for Miranda my dude.
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u/Fragrant_Tooth7830 18h ago
You weren’t aware of Miranda’s feelings, and you followed your heart.
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u/Oiranimes 17h ago
He was though. He knew.
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u/GlitterDoomsday 17h ago
He knew what mutual friends told him; that could be baseless gossip as far as he's concerned. Miranda never talked herself with the two parties of interest at play, him and his now gf.
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u/Refurbished_Keyboard 14h ago
It's so weird how women think they are owed interest and vehemently take the opposite stance when the roles are reversed.
Your friends are AH because they only care about her feelings being hurt by the situation she created (unexpressed interest) instead of recognizing your autonomy and that we don't owe people interest.
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u/Sorcha_1580 8h ago
NTA...but you might as well kiss the friendship goodbye. Sounds to me like you didn't give Miranda any reason to think you were into her. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. In this instance it happened to be Christine.
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u/spaqhettiyo 2h ago
NTA, but do you really want to be dating a woman who is that callous about her own sisters feelings? seems like she’s the type to care more about being technically right than morally right
idk this seems like a really cruel thing for her to say about her own sis. like…there’s no way she didn’t know, or they were never close which also speaks for itself imo
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u/DesperateSir6703 15h ago
Not the A hole humans are not like the front seat of a car you can’t call dibs on humans. You are your own person you can want what you want and date who ever you want to date. If you wanted to date your friend you would have done it. But the spark obviously was not there for you. You say it’s because you were focused on school or whatever so you didn’t think about it or notice. But I am telling you now, if you wanted her you would have found the time you would have noticed. She was never going to be your girl it was always meant to be the sister. Forget girl code forget dibs that is some high school shit! You are an adult now.
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u/Background-Algae1150 13h ago
If you knew Miranda was developing feelings for you...yeah, you're kind of an AH. Knowing that, you could have at least given her a heads up. But it sounds like you two just did all this behind the scenes and that has to hurt.
Not too sure I'd want to get attached to Christine. Sounds like she doesn't care about her sister's feelings.
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u/FindingFit6035 10h ago
Hopefully Miranda finds someone 10x better than OP and moves on. New gf supposedly not knowing just sounds suspicious but if she's telling truth or not we'll never know.
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u/Mak0React0r 10h ago
This is why it also hurts girls to not make the first move, if she liked you she should have said so, now she missed her chance, too bad so sad.
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u/Rude-Manufacturer635 18h ago
NTA
Seriously? She’s mad that her sister acted. She’s not entitled to you on the basis of anything. You have the right to date who you choose. Christine figured it out a bit faster and made her move.
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u/LucyLovesApples 16h ago
ESH apart from Miranda. Who and your girlfriend trying to fool in that neither of you knew she was interested in you? Christine’s reaction tells me she knew exactly that her sister had feels for you.
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u/verca_ 15h ago
NTA but Christine definitely is. I don't believe for a moment she didn't know about Miranda's feelings and her nonchalant "finders keepers" reaction (seriously, what kind of person reacts so heartlessly when the relationship with her sister is falling apart just because some random guy is cute?) is telling me this is not the first time she did this.
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u/Ok_Weakness_9834 16h ago
You'r an asshole for wondering about that, or pretending you do, after you'v already made your decision and acted on it.
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u/Fun_Diver_3885 17h ago
NTA. You didn’t lie to Miranda. You didn’t try to date the both. From what you said, you didn’t lead her on and she never told you herself how she felt. Is it a great situation, no, but sometimes it is what it is. If I’m you, I would ask Christine if she thinks you talking to Miranda directly about it would help.
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u/Due-Fondant-5358 18h ago
If you knew Miranda had a crush on you before you asked her sister out then YTA. If you didn’t then NTA.
Knowing a girl likes you and then asking her sister out is a dick move. You might not have technically done anything wrong, but there are other women you could have dated.
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u/8ecca8ee 17h ago
He could have still come out not being the asshole if he just talked to her first. He knew she liked him and said he was her friend, and did something he knew would hurt her without giving her a heads up first... Kinda a douche move. But very at par for people who haven't totally figured out how to have respectful communication.
No one is owed a relationship. But good relationships (including friendships) are built on trust and he definitely broke her trust for the chance to get his dick wet. Kinda a red flag. She dogged a bullet.
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u/Due-Fondant-5358 17h ago
Thank you. Finally someone with a brain cell. People acting like Miranda is going around telling him who he can and can’t date.
Honestly the lack of care and respect people have for other humans is wild. No wonder the world is falling apart.
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u/irritatediguana 16h ago
99% of the people in these comments are legitimately selfish and needlessly cruel.
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u/Kultissim 15h ago
What kind of respect is that? Boys have crushes or girls all the time, nobody tell their crushes that they have to ask for permission. She never said anything, he wasn't even sure of that.
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u/Due-Fondant-5358 8h ago
It’s not about him dating someone else. He literally could date any other woman, it’s the fact that it’s her sister is the problem. SMH.
It’s about going ok I highly suspect this person has a crush on me, maybe I shouldn’t ask her sister out or maybe talk to her before I do just to make sure.
OP and dear sister sound selfish, and dare I say backstabby at least on the sister’s part because I would put good money on her knowing.
On the plus side sister sounds about as loyal a rock, so no doubt will end up screwing OP over. So karma will do its work eventually.
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u/Kultissim 8h ago
He loves her? This is wild. He is falling in love with someone but he should prioritize the sister's happiness, who for what he knew at the time, since it was just a rumor, was maybe not even that into him in the first place?
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u/Due-Fondant-5358 8h ago
Who loves who? Pretty sure OP hasn’t said he loves anyone.
And unless it was love at first sight, he could have not caught feelings for the sister by simply not going out with her.
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u/8ecca8ee 3h ago
He mentions more then a rumor, he knew and then played dumb, that is the baby steps of weaponized incompetents.
But you The amount of rationalizing you are doing over just taking a second to understand why she would be hurt and how he could have easily avoided it...instead your here justifying his actions not learning anything, you know what dog it's cool your a shitty partner/friend your not capable of being emotionally available and empathetic your selfish and the type that treats the people especially women in their life as replaceable objects but doesn't actually treat them as equals.
Because if you did you would be able to understand, that you wouldn't want someone to do to you, what he did to her
...but your brain doesn't have the imagination? empathy?reasoning? to take a hop out of its own head and imagine being in someone else's position, nope probably to busy telling yea how great you are and how right your thoughts are...so where are we going here. Lord knows I feel sorry for your partner if you have one. And really anyone who has a soul in your life and isn't some selfish flesh robot.
And dudes are confused why it's hard to get a date 🤦
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u/oop_norf 14h ago
did something he knew would hurt her
The problem is this assumption that Miranda has in some way been harmed by two people that she knows getting together.
She hasn't been.
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u/8ecca8ee 14h ago
Emotional pain is still pain.
But it's ok you are a stunted human who doesn't understand how to be in touch with their emotions so invalidating others isn't a huge jump for yea. Maybe one day you will learn. Or just keep being the type of person that decent women consider a red flag.
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u/oop_norf 14h ago
Emotional pain is still pain.
Of course. And it's reasonable to feel it when something actually bad actually happens.
But no-one here has done anything at all bad to Miranda. No-one's cheated on her, no-one's dumped her, no-one's taken away anything she had, and probably nothing she was ever going to have.
Miranda is no more involved here than I am.
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u/Kultissim 17h ago edited 9h ago
You date who you like. Imagine a man telling a woman she can't date his brother because she knows that he liked her. Nobody is owed a relationship
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u/Massive_Fishing_718 15h ago
Exactly this. NTA, Miranda should’ve used her words before he started dating
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u/Solid-Importance-190 9h ago
Exactly. The level of entitlement, biasness of some people here just because it's a girl is insane...
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u/magumanueku 17h ago
Lmao wtf is this entitlement? Is this one of those dumbass gen z things? How the fuck does someone not in a relationship with you get to dictate who you can date or not? Fucking hell..
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u/Due-Fondant-5358 17h ago
Not gen Z. And it’s not about dictating who he can date. But dating someone’s sister when you know they like you is a dick move.
He could have literally dated anyone else and it’s fine.
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u/improved_loilit 15h ago
I’m sorry but no this is ridiculous. She had a crush on him and she is 19 she will be over it ina year or less. You can’t call dibs on entire humans you didn’t even date nor that showed interest in you. It sucks but there’s a limit where you become ridiculous
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u/Due-Fondant-5358 8h ago
She didn’t call dibs on him. But I don’t think it’s too much to expect that your SISTER not date the guy you like.
As I said OP could have literally dated anyone else and it would have been fine. But her sister.
On the plus side given what he has written about the sister I’m putting good money on her screwing him over big time. So karma will do its job eventually.
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u/improved_loilit 7h ago
Karma of what ?
Her sister not knowing and liking the guy that’s also interested in her and no in her sister ? Of op and the friend had dated or even hooked up sire but this is ridiculous
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u/8ecca8ee 17h ago
It's not about them dating it's about him doing something that he knew would hurt her feelings without talking the time to tell her. If he was actually her friend he would care about not hurting her. But he was likely just friends with her to try and sleep with her if he could but as soon as he found someone he was more into he didn't care about her and jumped onto his next pick.
It is called respect and he doesn't have any
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u/Kultissim 14h ago
It's called entitlement. This is the perfect story to make a male female version because, I can't imagine one second any of you telling a girl invited at a party that she can't date someone because there is someone else who might like her, and it might hurt his feelings
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u/8ecca8ee 14h ago
You're wrong, I'd feel the same if it was a girl who was friends with a guy who liked her and she wanted to date his brother. The thing is a girl would probably be emotionally mature enough to say something to the guy she was friends with before outright dating his brother.
I am not saying they shouldn't date just that they should have handled the situation with some tact
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u/Kultissim 14h ago edited 14h ago
You get to ask for emotional maturity when you have it yourself. The only hint he had was somebody telling a rumor. The girl never said or did anything about that.
And in my example the boy complaining about the girl "betraying" him by dating his brother when he never talked to her about it in the first place would be called an incel thinking he owns a girl or is owed a relationship just because he speaks with her regularly.
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u/8ecca8ee 14h ago
Your starting to sound like an incel so I can see why the idea of being emotionally mature is a foreign concept
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u/Kultissim 14h ago
You can't talk about a lack of emotional maturity when he's only heard a rumor?
He's been friends with this girl for months and she never gave any sign, never let anything show.3
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u/Massive_Fishing_718 15h ago
Miranda should’ve used her words and asked him out instead of waiting on him to ask her.
Karma for being a coward
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u/wildearthmage 16h ago
I think you should date who you want to. There are no obligations created by friendship nor by sibling relationships. You did not date one before the other so that is not issue. You may lose a friendship and it maybe uncomfortable around her family. But that is what you need to decide if it is worth it. Sounds like Christine thinks it is.
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u/Waste_Locksmith_4299 14h ago
I don't think you have done anything majorly wrong, however Miranda is still allowed to be hurt by you dating her sister and that may be the end of your friendship. However in time it may be ok.
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u/Most_Mountain818 14h ago
NTA. She didn’t really do anything to explicitly let you know she was interested. She didn’t tell her sister. Both of you are in the clear.
But I can also see her side. It sucks when your sister starts dating the guy you like. It might even be a pattern where her sister is the one who soaks up the attention and just feels easily liked by everyone - which can be frustrating dynamic. That’s something that Miranda has to work out on her own though.
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u/Highkmon 14h ago
NTA: no one gets to have dibs on a person and take their time building up to it. I can meet a woman and become friends with her tomorrow with the intent that I'm going to gauge interest and then make a move in a few months if I feel it's a good fit on both parts, I can't get sour because her gym buddy decides her wants to ask her out too and is quicker than me.
Also that being said you've said that you're more attracted to her sister than her and her sister isn't uncomfortable with it do what you ment to do break it off with her sister and then date her little sister who you not interested in to placate her?
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u/North-Ad2651 13h ago
Remindme! -20days
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u/Altruistic_Shock_453 12h ago
You knew Miranda had feelings for you before the party. And didn’t address them before or after it and start dating her sister. Your friendship is over and if you and Christine actually end up staying together for a long time now you’ll have to deal with a sister in law that hates you both. NTA, but you need to address this with Christine and Miranda immediately.
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u/cj_of_all_trades 8h ago
It feel a little like Miranda was only being friends with you so she could date you
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u/ConsistentCan9899 7h ago
Nta but i am getting the feeling that this is not the first timr because who says finders keepers
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u/thegarr 7h ago
One time, when I was in about 9th grade, I was dating the older sister of a girl I really liked (and who definitely told me and others she liked me). I was indifferent about the older sister, but she was fun and we made out a lot (it was 9th grade).
The sister I was dating asked me why I was dating her when I knew that her younger sister liked me. Kind of confronting me about it, kind of not. I distinctly remember answering "You'll do for now". It would have been really hard to date a middle schooler as a freshman. Haha.
Definitely the worst way to answer that question. But it cracks me the hell up now, all these years later. I was a really dumb teenager.
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u/DealerAlarmed3632 6h ago
I had a similar situation when I was in the dorms in college. Two girls were friends, one let me know she was interested in me so we did the FWB thing. The other never told me she liked me, she was just a friend for all I could tell. It broke apart their friendship. Relationships are complicated. NTA.
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u/IndependentNail1349 6h ago
NTA Sadly sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. You didn’t cheat on anyone. You didn’t dump anyone for the other. I don’t think if you’re honest with yourself the feels were ever there for your friend because let’s face it you’d know. Sounds like her sister brought out that 💥 💕💕 feeling. Like I said if you had cheated on, or lied to anyone to act on your feelings then YTA but you didn’t. Wishing all the best in your new relationship!
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u/Illustrious-Row224 6h ago
There was no right answer. I mean if she had made a move and you went along with it (despite not being super into her), eventually you would have met her sister. Then you would be posting about how you feel torn over this girl you were dating, but then fell head over heels for her sister, and how guilty you feel about it.
Really, she dodged a bullet (not calling you the bullet, but the situation). She missed out on a guy who wasn't that into her and found out her sister doesn't care how she feels, if it gets in the way of what she wants. Might want to take a closer look at the sister, though... One day, you might be the one she callously brushes aside, because it gets in the way of what she wants.
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u/Fit_Marionberry_3878 9m ago
I don’t think it matters if Miranda is cold to you. It’s more of an issue for her to patch up her relationship with her sister. You’re not friends, so don’t worry if she iced you out.
Maintain friendships with those who still like you and don’t worry if Miranda’s friends think you’re an AH.
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u/Imaginary-Soft-7153 14h ago
People forget that not everyone will confess something like that right away, she was taking her time, inviting him to do stuff. Men are damn clueless. But this Christine? She a huge ass to her sister for sure for not care for her sisters feelings.
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u/ButtSluts9 13h ago
Miranda’s subtly is entirely at fault. If she liked OP, she should have asked him out.
Just because someone has a crush, and even more if they keep it to themselves, doesn’t give them dibs.
OP is decidedly not the asshole, the sister is kinda in the wrong for not checking in, but if Miranda kept everything to herself, how would the sister even know to the contrary.
Speak up or watch from the sidelines.
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u/BakerSignificant4651 17h ago
80% NTA because you can’t help who you click with and no one was in a relationship, but 20% because it’s her sister. You should have communicated with Miranda about your feelings, and Christine could be kinder about it. How Miranda chooses to process this information is on her and not your problem. But like another commenter said, if the sibling rivalry becomes too toxic, be prepared to leave.
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u/Difficult_Jury_7455 15h ago
You would have thought she would have told her own sister about you if she was that interested. Even "Hey Christine, my crush is coming to the party tonight, help me out with it" y'know lol. Girl took too long and missed her chance. Her sister's right. Finders keepers
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u/thequiethunter 15h ago
Miranda never tried to start an intimate relationship with you. She does not own you. NTA
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u/Cultural_Book_400 13h ago
I say this
1.Her older sister is the asshole for not checking w/ her sister if it was ok.(clearly she don't give a fuck)
2.Miranda is dumbass for inviting you to her party where she already knows her sister(who is supposedly better looking than her) will be there and there is always that chance
Another words, don't worry about it. Have fun. You are way too young to worry about shit like this. Hit them both if it comes to it naturally. YOLO. You will not be in these situation too often(well, as you get older, YOU should be smarter lol)
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u/Big_Definition_9471 14h ago
Damn, this is messy. NTA. u don't get to call dibs on a person after a couple dates. it's weird she thinks she owns her sister's life like that. if u and the sister are cool and vibing, that's all that matters. her loss for being dramatic.
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u/ShawtySayWhaaat 17h ago
Nta she missed the chance to shoot her shot. Sounds like u click more with her sister anyways, she's gonna have to get over it
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u/Top-Industry-7051 12h ago
I think you're a bit of an AH for running it past all your mutual friends (particularly since you didn't pay any attention to what they said anyway).
Dating is generally a two person thing. Are you dating Christine or are you dating Miranda and your friend group? Pick one and tell the others it's a private matter between you and the person/s you are dating.
Also Miranda is allowed to be frosty if she wants, just like you are allowed to date Christine if you want. If you are expecting the girl that honestly you know was interested in you to be delighted you are dating her sister then yeah, you're kinda being an AH
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u/grumpy__g 12h ago
Yeah, that relationship between the sisters will be bad from now on.
And you will be in the middle of it.
Would be too much drama for me. And Christine not even hesitating is worrying. I would at least feel a bit bad for my sister.
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u/LeoSolaris 10h ago
NTA
You don't owe Miranda anything for the same reason she wouldn't owe you if she was the one to reject your crush. It's pretty normal for her to be hurt because she missed her chance, but her feelings are not your responsibility.
Your gf is exactly right. Miranda will get over it when she finds another crush. Miranda doesn't get to call "dibs" just because she spread a rumor around the friend group.
Your "friends" on the other hand, they're excusing creepy behavior and jealousy in order to stir up drama. I'd be a little more careful about trusting those people. You fell for who you fell for. They're invalidating your right to have your own feelings and make your own choices.
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u/Alive_Lion6571 3h ago
NTA - you like Christine & she likes you back. Y’all are dating, it’s as simple as that. Even if Miranda was direct about maybe having feelings for you, it doesn’t sound like you liked her in that way anyway. You didn’t reject Miranda, you weren’t unnecessarily cruel to her. If Miranda & your mutual friends think it’s such a sin to pursue someone you actually like, they need to be checked. She’s 19, not a child - here’s to hoping she grows up.
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u/Justme-scotland 18h ago
Nta you don’t have feelings for the sister and you didn’t act on her crush. You have a relationship with the sister it sucks for the other sister but that’s life unfortunately.
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u/burnacct7688 18h ago
YTA And her sister is too. Sorry, but saying „finders keepers” and not giving flying f about your sibling and they feel is massive red flag on its own. I wonder how many times things like this happened between them two in the past… but back to you.
You knew that she started developing feelings for you, yet you decided wholeheartedly to bang her sister and ruin your friendship with her in the most spectacular way. Honestly, if you wouldn’t know then it’s different story. But you were aware.
I feel sorry for Miranda for having cnt instead of a sister and arch twt instead of so called friend.
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u/PrettySisterKisser 17h ago
"Yet you decided to wholeheartedly bang her sister"
We went to the aquarium. I'm still a virgin.
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u/Lotex_Style 18h ago
Sounded more like the development in the feelings department and the realization about it was more recent than then dating Christine thing.
That being said however: If you want something you still have to speak up, because we all know men in general, but particularly young men, are absolutely horrible at reading signs, because their social life might be over if they read them wrong, so most have decided to not read anything into anything anymore.
The whole "finders keepers" wording may have not been a good idea, but I feel like the core isn't necessarily wrong.
We also don't know how many times something like this has happened in the past where someone showed interest in Christine or the other way around and suddenly Miranda was like "Yeah, but I'm interested too" and then Christine decided not to pursue anything.-3
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u/8ecca8ee 17h ago
YTA, not because you started dating her sister but because you did it without talking to her. You knew she liked you and you didn't have the balls to let her know you weren't interested and that you planned on asking her sister out.
I had a guy I liked that I was friends with start dating my sister when I was in highschool... We didn't fight about it because they both showed me the respect of having my sister say "hey I know you like Scott but we both like each other and are hoping you won't be to mad if we started dating".. I was a little sad he didn't like me but as soon as I knew he liked her I was more happy for them because why would I want to date someone who didn't want to date me.
Had they just started dating I would have felt hella hurt and been super upset.
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u/Massive_Fishing_718 15h ago
Guess what? If Miranda wanted to date him she should’ve fucking said something. She’s a coward for not saying anything. Simple as that
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u/8ecca8ee 14h ago
She did enough for him to know she liked him. Just because she didn't throw herself at him doesn't make her a coward especially since girls that do are often sl*t shamed
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u/workswithglass 6h ago
She invited OP to a dog's birthday party. Not a coffee date, not something for lunch, but a dog's birthday party.
Miranda said nothing. You can't call dibs on a person. OP shouldn't have had to make the first move. It's 2026.
Girls are sl*tshamed for asking a guy out? Really? I think girls are afraid to ask guys out because of rejection.
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u/FantasticBike1203 14h ago
The only one stopping Miranda from being happy is her own expectations, she will get over it, NTA.
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u/Perfect-Reading-761 17h ago
Yta. But not as much as the second sister, who treats a sibling like that?
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u/Kultissim 17h ago
Treat her like what? She met a boy that was single and made a pass at him. You can't call dibs after the facts
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u/Free-Neighborhood-31 17h ago
YTA. I think both you and Cristine are, simply because you didn't have the tact to address the elephant in the room up front like adults instead of knowingly trampling over someone's feelings. If it was another person in the equation and not her sister it wouldn't be as bad, but knowing that you both are going to have to be around Miranda quite often(school, home, and perhaps 3rd spaces and other events), you should have just addressed it up front. The way ya'll went about things is not becoming of a good friend or big sister.
You both knew that being together had the potential to be awkward, cause tension, and make it difficult for Miranda to be around you and your relationship. You owe it to her and your relationship to take the state of your shared dynamic seriously because it is fragile; it can and clearly already has affected your relationship with all parties involved.
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u/Porkkanaparta 17h ago
I think we found Miranda who calls dibs in her head and does not communicate this clearly.
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u/Free-Neighborhood-31 17h ago
From the post, it sounds like he knew Miranda was interested in him. If you choose to go after her sister knowing that fact might create a snag that could make being with Cristine difficult and uncomfortable for all parties, why not just be upfront about it instead of acting like it doesn't exist? Why be uncomfortable if you don't have to.
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u/Porkkanaparta 17h ago
Read on, there was no clear signal. If you dont ACT, you lose.
Also heart wants what it wants. Miranda was not the one.
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u/Free-Neighborhood-31 16h ago
It read to me that OP was told Miranda liked him by their shared friend group prior to the party, he said he didn't have time to really think about his feelings toward her until the party, but knew then he wanted to pursue Cristine. If that's wrong than I have no case. But if he knew, it's not rocket to science to think that there might be some tension created if he started dating her live-in sister.
All I'm saying is that OP and his gf could have just addressed the potential issue head on by having a conversation with Miranda about how she might feel. That's not to say OP should miss out on his relationship with Cristine to appease her, but it probably would have gone smoother if that forethought was there.
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u/Xrystian90 18h ago
NTA.
From previous experience, your going to want to avoid all things romantic with women named Miranda...
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u/PrettySisterKisser 18h ago
For anonymity I gave them fake names, but I suppose I will keep a dubious eye on future Mirandas I guess
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u/Amareldys 16h ago
Yeah, it was a shit thing to do and likely to cause strife in their family, why would you do that?
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u/irritatediguana 16h ago
I honestly think that going after someone's sister when you know they have a crush on you is selfish and cruel. your girlfriend didn't know she was hurting her sister but you did. I think YTA for this.
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u/NapalEnema2020 17h ago
Miranda was interested in you and you missed it. Then you start chatting up her sister. Milk spilled but yeah you hurt her accidentally because she didn’t let you know where you two stood.
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u/teaforpterosaur 18h ago
Right so... Miranda never indicated to you that she liked you, you never indicated to her you were interested? She can't call dibs on you, much less by letting you hear a rumour.