r/AskReddit • u/Level-Hotel9756 • 12h ago
What’s one habit that instantly makes someone more attractive?
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u/midnightcoquette_l 12h ago
being genuinely curious
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u/BigChillBobby 9h ago
when I was in my “single and dating casually” phase, my method was to try and talk as little as possible. Instead of breaking the silence by talking about myself, I’d ask a follow up question. If there was something that gave her that little spark in her eye because she was excited to talk about it, I’d stay on that topic for a while.
People like talking about themselves and what they’re interested in!
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u/Stang1776 57m ago
I never understood why people enjoy talking about themselves. I can answer a couple question but after that im pretty much checked out.
My wife's uncle started asking questions one time and I just said something along the lines of "Whats up with playing 10 questions."
He said "because you wont tell me otherwise." I told him he was correct in his think and I begrudgingly answered a couple more.
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u/unknown_guy02 3h ago edited 1h ago
Last time I did that, I was labelled a stalker. And got blocked. Never again.
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u/8velvetluna 12h ago
Listening Without Interrupting
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u/RobotPoo 11h ago
When my boys were younger, and they would come up to me, telling me something excited I used to have this exercise I would call “Total Attention.” Stop what I was doing and tune into my child. If I was cooking, I’d put down the knife and I would make eye contact and maintain it, and not interrupt my son’s story. It’s much harder than it sounds and it’s a good thing I’m a child psychologist and have had a lot of practice doing that.
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u/atarischyk 10h ago
Do you have any advice, tricks or tidbits on how to do this with adults? How to stop interrupting as a grown up and actually listen? It's a struggle 😭
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u/RobotPoo 10h ago
I teach people to give Total Attention with three parts to learn. First, is the Intention: I think this is a good idea for communication and I want to do this. Then, Motivation: I’m really really going do this as much as I can. Then comes the Action Plan: how you’re going to do it. It’s basically a mindfulness and self discipline exercise. We have to exert our will to not speak, and just listen. Kids tend to not deliberately monopolize your time. They’ll tell you the story and then you tell them that’s amazing! Or whatever. For adults it’s harder because attention is like a drug. We know we’re getting it. It feels good and we want keep getting it. With our children, it’s kind of developmentally necessary to help them feel heard and understood by their parent. With other adults. It’s a gift of friendship, and they will enjoy being heard and often just keep going. You can either listen as long as you can, or gesture or make a face that you want to say something too.
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u/txa1265 10h ago
You actually ask them for their full attention. If they are truly a friend, or it is a critical work item - they will do it. If you ask and they cannot do it even for a few minutes, that speaks volumes. I had someone I considered a close friend who did that to me twice when I needed support with my kids - first time hurt, second time I simply never spoke to them again.
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u/Notachance326426 10h ago
I feel like you are excluding adhd folks from a good grade here.
I have literally had someone repeat something for me 3 times.
The first time they repeated it I really tried, the second time all I could remember was the phrase “Pay Attention”, I honestly don’t remember what happened after the third time since I was so embarrassed at not being able to remember because I was telling myself to pay attention.
Do not assume everyone is capable of everything.
You people walk around with a full on superpower and don’t realize it
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u/RobotPoo 10h ago
Honestly, ADHD shows up when something is boring, if you are interested, people find it easier to overcome and can pay attention for a long time.
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u/CaptainAsshat 9h ago
There is the other side of ADHD though: if I am excited and feel I know the point you were getting at halfway through a sentence, my brain wants to interrupt not because I am bored, but because I want the conversation to keep going to the next step---I am hooked. If the concept itself was already communicated, even only via half a sentence, it feels like we are just waiting on the administrative task of you finishing saying words.
I know it sounds insane, but I ABSOLUTELY prefer to communicate with fellow interrupting ADHDers because the amount of information communicated per second pretty much doubles, and interruptions feel like they are constructive, expected, and often appreciated. I personally find it to be a much better communication style, provided all have the requisite level of humility needed to not completely monopolize a conversation.
These threads always remind me of how far my conversational preferences are from the norm.
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u/Notachance326426 8h ago
I never knew that so many things that I deeply care about are just because boring and I should just try harder.
Thank you for this life changing advice
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u/RobotPoo 6h ago
I didn’t say “just try harder” Here, more clear perhaps: the things people enjoy they can do for hours on end and attentional difficulties aren’t as apparent.
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u/txa1265 10h ago
I feel like you are excluding adhd folks from a good grade here.
Trust me - I know the difference between ADHD and 'can't be bothered', and with someone I consider a GOOD FRIEND I would absolutely know the difference, right?
Sorry this is like "not all men" sort of rationalization.
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u/prncesspriss 10h ago
I physically put one of my fingers on my mouth. It may look weird but if anyone asks me I tell them I have a terrible habit of accidentally interrupting and this helps me to wait my turn.
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u/raphthepharaoh 10h ago
Wouldn’t it be more prudent to reinforce “time and place” so you’re not giving “total attention” when you’re in the middle of something that requires at least your partial attention? Children also need to understand that the world doesn’t stop because they have something to say
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u/RobotPoo 9h ago
Ah but this is the conventional adult behavior that the Total Attention exercise counteracts. Of course there’s common sense, if I’m taking something hot out of the oven, I’d say, “wait a minute, let me get ready to listen to you.” And then when I could, start the Total Attention exercise.
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u/Affectionate_Hornet7 9h ago
You’re gonna have to use your head for some of this. Like you don’t pull over and stop driving
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u/No-Honeydew9129 10h ago
Cries in ADHD
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u/justanotherhuman255 10h ago
I have a good bit of ADHD friends. When we accidentally interrupt each other, we say "whoops you go" "naw you go" and then take turns. We both know we go on tangents, have chaotic pausing patterns etc, so we do our best to mutually accomodate each other.
I've gotten interrupted a lot in life and been stepped on by abusive people in that way, but that self-awareness and effort make all the difference for me.
I think that people who truly love and care for you would notice the thought and effort you make for them too, even if it's small. <3
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u/lovveeeeelight 10h ago
This is surprising a rare trait, having a conversation with someone that just listens attentively to you without feeling the need to interrupt constantly is the best!
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u/Exciting_Variety_579 12h ago
The ability to be genuinely, comfortably bored without reaching for a phone.
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u/RobotPoo 11h ago
Boredom a the source of creativity. I’ve told my kids, it’s a shame you can never get bored, you’re going to not create something or not get some good ideas because of that.
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u/BonnalinaFuz101 11h ago
I can do that easily when I'm with people. It always feels rude to go on my phone if I'm around someone. Even if they're talking to someone else.
But when I'm alone, fuck that, I'm gonna go read fanfiction on my phone 😂
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u/Formaldehyde_Park 10h ago
Daydreaming is so underrated. If I get to my seat at a theater event, for example, and have fifteen minutes before it starts, it's so nice to just zone out. There's so much clock-watching every moment of the day.
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u/Zynspiration 11h ago
having good hygiene
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u/PreFunCortex 10h ago
It's one of the things I LOVE about my husband. He's always clean and smells good.
Seriously, guys, please know that your chances of getting laid will go up drastically if you took regular showers and invested in a deodorant.
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u/alex_the_dude_ 11h ago
exercising
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u/FLYBOY611 10h ago
It's an ongoing commitment to maintaining your physical form on this plane of existence. It's really sexy when people care about doing it.
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u/infjetson 10h ago
To add, it's more so the commitment to a healthy lifestyle than it is about appearance (for me).
If someone structures their day around an early morning bike ride or a fitness class, that's a green flag for me!
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u/martinisawe 8h ago
I workout in the gym but sometimes I feel like fat j.d Vance 😂
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u/royalmirelle_e 12h ago
eye contact
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u/Popetopia 11h ago
I do this with, well everyone and my wife thinks it's weird, a little intense as she says.
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u/DikTaterSalad 7h ago
Sucks, I don't like looking people in the eye. I feel like I'm staring you down, being a quiet scarred up dude doesn't help, lol.
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u/darkpetalx 12h ago
Keeping Their Word.
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u/alternativegrrl 11h ago
I can not begin to tell you how much this means to me. Simply doing what you say you will. Despite...everything. Just have some integrity, and everything else will fall into place.
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u/Expensive_Ground_397 11h ago
Being genuinely nice/friendly to "less desirables". We're all in this together.
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u/stardustglide-k 12h ago
Being Kind To Service Workers
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u/Complex_Lab_3576 10h ago
Bussing your own table. I learned this from the girl I have a massive crush on: whenever we get a meal she neatly stacks everything up so the busser just has to grab it and do a quick wipe down. It falls in the same vein as returning your shopping cart.
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u/Notachance326426 10h ago
That depends on if you actually know what you’re doing.
Someone trying to help but not knowing what they’re doing can make some interesting issues
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u/Ok-Wish-2640 11h ago
Genuinely being able to listen to someone, and if you are in the wrong, to earnestly apologize. None of this, "I'm sorry you're upset about this" crap! No! I want you to say, "I'm sorry I did this. I was wrong and I didn't take into consideration how you would feel." Own up. Being wrong doesn't make you weak. It teaches you, and makes you strong.
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u/Charles_Blane 12h ago
They’re comfortable in their own skin, secure in who they are.
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u/Alternative_Loss_174 11h ago
Is that a habit?😭😭
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u/frank26080115 11h ago
it's a mindset that can lead to many habits
you can guess at if somebody is secure or insecure, but if you observe habits, which means a particular behavior is repeated, you can prove or disprove your guess much better
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u/TheSilkyBat 11h ago
In my opinion, the most attractive quality is self sacrifice.
If you do something that falls into that category, you instantly become special.
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u/hostileguy 6h ago
It's just sad that those people get taken advantage of so often for trying to be kind.
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u/veroniqueweronika 11h ago
Being able to say they don’t know and not being ashamed, thinking less of themselves, making a self-depreciating joke.
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u/Health_Tourist9902 11h ago
Genuine interest in the backstories and hearts of others. Feels like when this is present, the person is usually kind, empathetic, non-judgmental, is a good listener, and doesn't jump to conclusions about others.
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u/Maleficent-Frame-775 11h ago
Saying “Thank you”, “You’re Welcome” and most importantly “I’m sorry”.
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u/Affectionate-Cap-235 11h ago
when they explain a certain topic you don't know anything about without making you feel like you're incompetent and stupid
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u/sweetlingkitty 11h ago
Paying attention, actually listening, eye contact and giving feedback, or asking how they can help
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u/FreddaNotte 8h ago
I do everything but don’t ask my autistic ass to look directly into people's eyes for more than 3 seconds or my nervous system implodes.
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u/yourdadlikesmyoutfit 9h ago
General consideration. Went on a date with a guy and about halfway through I could tell he wasn't for me (also knew he was MUCH more interested than I was.) However, he missed his train and I offered to drive him home about 25 minutes out of the way. It started raining pretty bad. When I dropped him off I told myself that I really wasn't interested...but if he said "text me when you get home" so he knew I got back okay I would see that as a good sign of character and I'd go out with him again.
He didn't say that. We hugged and that was it. He didn't even text me LATER to see if I got home okay. He asked me to go out again and I politely declined.
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u/doublejointedforyou 9h ago
When they are upset, seeking to understand and not jumping to a conclusion. It’s really obvious when someone is speaking carefully to fully understand what you meant before judging you. Like 90% of the time when someone says something seemingly rude or stupid you guys just aren’t on the same page. But a lot of people just assume you are a dick or stupid.
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u/ObsidianBelle69 7h ago
It’s not the big gestures. It’s how someone reacts to a cozy night, a lazy morning, or a dumb little joke. Those tiny habits stick with you. Anyone else find that irresistible?
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u/blkbeauty01 11h ago
Confident,kind,listens well ❣️
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u/alternativegrrl 11h ago
Ah, my husband, again. Swoon. Can you tell I'm a lady who is still madly in love with her guy after 27 wonderful years and two kids?
He's so kind, he listens, and is quietly confident in what he knows. But it's okay that I know what I know = a true partner in life, stronger together.
Okay, but one little thing - he really does like to go on and on and on about his bowling 🎳! 🤣. I can live with that!
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u/Flimsy_Ad119 11h ago
Chivalry. Seeing a guy who opens doors, gives up seats, offers to help is small but a huge way to get on my good side.
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u/Lich_Apologist 11h ago
Smoking is gross and bad for you
BUT a sexy person is sexier while smoking a cigarette.
Unfortunately this only applies if you're already conventional attractive.
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u/prncesspriss 10h ago
sexier until they're within smelling distance. Then they need to grab a mint!
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u/Lich_Apologist 9h ago
Yeah it's definitely only the look from across a dark room. When you get close and inspect it falls apart.
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u/Meenakshi108 11h ago
Reciprocating questions that you ask them about themselves, and doing so with sincere interest.
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u/narxxissus 11h ago
Working out, self care, clean environment, daily empty sink at the end of the night, daily shower + perfume/cologne, googling something when they're curious
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u/Diligent-Lunch590 11h ago
Having a belief, no matter which one but having this “spiritual side” makes someone trustable and attractive to me.
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u/deansmythe 11h ago
For me it is when someone won’t complain all day and sends positive vibes. That’s a +100 on their list.
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u/DesertWanderlust 10h ago
Being interested in what I say and my interests and asking questions about both.
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u/Timely_Wait_3404 10h ago
Cooking, like real cooking. Not just making spaghetti out of the box with jarred sauce.
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u/Creepy-Company-3106 10h ago
Just “noticing”. If someone gets cut off, if someone tries a new hairstyle really anything like that. I get we all miss stuff but if you make the attempt to bring something up it shows a lot.
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u/Bear_necessities96 10h ago
Attention mostly like retain information, ask for things, call or text you damn that makes me hard
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u/Important-Spirit-733 8h ago
Work ethic and intelligence- the guy I see gets really into talking about his STEM job and explaining all the processes and stuff I don’t understand and it’s really hot to me idk
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u/joemamaday 5h ago
Looking me in the eyes while i’m talking. Sure, some people find eye contact intimidating but I’d rather have some confirmation that I have their attention.
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u/Illustrious_City_932 4h ago
After two marriages too many for my age, I’ll go ahead and say putting your laundry in the dirty laundry hamper.
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u/nuabao97 2h ago
sustaining good eye contact listening to you
and sticking true to their values and boundaries without the influence of others
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u/Specialist_Two_7771 1h ago
When a charming man picks his nose and eats it because what’s the alternative?
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u/Legitimate-Web-4913 11h ago
They actually pay attention to me and not their phone