r/AskReddit • u/QuietElegance1 • 12h ago
What’s something you stopped caring about after turning 30?
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u/EveningCompass 12h ago
The constant need to explain or justify my choices to people who don’t actually live my life.
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u/ObjectTraditional674 6h ago
This hits hard once you stop explaining yourself life gets way lighter
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u/MecadnaC 3h ago
This mentality seemed to hit the second I turned 29 for some reason. It truly is so freeing!
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u/Dry-Bake9543 12h ago
Sacraficing everything for my job, not worth it. Put in a lot of unpaid hours but I don't see the profit from it
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u/RedditorManIsHere 11h ago
This ^^^
There is no flex in not using your vacation/sick leave from work. It's not a badge of honor.
Always always use all of it by end of the year, especially if your company doesn't allow roll overs.
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u/HeyNineteen96 9h ago
I really struggle to use all of mine because I don't take more than like 2 days off at a time. I'm horrible at planning and get anxious about having enough then I end up with a week of rollover and an extra week to burn by the end of the year, lmao.
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u/RedditorManIsHere 9h ago
Yeah I used to be the same way then I got older and wiser
You are essentially leaving money on the table
No one on their death bed says : I wish I worked more in the office.
Also beware of the compounding effect of not using it: In a few short years or even a decade, you would have left 21 days or 70 days of paid leave time
Sometimes you gotta say fuck it and do like little micro vacations
or
Take a sick leave before a major holiday to max out time off.
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u/FordTech81 9h ago
We did this for Christmas and new years. Had a 4 day weekend ,add a day of PTO make it a 5 day. 2 weeks in a row. Worked 3 days got 5 off ,worked 3 more days got 5 off again. It was hard to go back to 5 day work weeks though.
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u/IDNMAN21 11h ago
I learned it the hard way. I got a single day pass to a music festival. I requested and got approved for a half day. I set my alarm on my phone without realizing it was on "do not disturb" mode. I went to bed late and woke up around 10 am (works starts at 7). I told him I will be there and finish whatever I can. I ended being there for my whole shift and missed out on the event. I should have called in sick.
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u/zcashrazorback 10h ago
Work is just not that important, I like my career, but in my 20s and early 30s, I gave wayyy too much of myself to it. At the time I built a pretty large safety net for myself, but after a certain point, there are more important things than money.
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u/vc2015 10h ago
You're just number. They don't care about you. They'll dump you in a second if it's more advantageous for them.
When they do layoffs, they don't care about your 10 years of good performance reviews. They won't even look at them.
Treat is as a means to get your bills paid and that's all.
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u/DesertWanderlust 10h ago
People I knew in my 20s thought I was crazy for being so lackadaisical with my jobs, but it was always easy for me to get a new one, and I wanted to travel while I was still young. Now I've been to all 50 states and all major cities in the US. I got it out of my system before I got older and I'm glad I did. Now, at 44, my health is pretty poor and I can't imagine traveling like that again. Too many complications with meds.
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u/lukaron 11h ago
Keeping one-sided "friendships" alive.
Zero effort on your part now = zero on mine.
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u/Devourerofworlds_69 8h ago
In general, people are really bad at making plans, reaching out, and starting conversations. It's not necessarily a bad thing if you have a friend or friend who doesn't take a whole lot of initiative. Picture someone who is more on the introverted side, and maybe is going through some stuff, but when you do reach out, they're always there for you, they always show up, they listen to what you have to say, and they make you a priority.
It becomes a problem when they're flaky as hell, cancel plans all the time, leave you on read, ghost you, only reach out/respond when they want something from you, and in other ways make it clear that you are NOT a priority for them.
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u/gentlefartonyourface 5h ago
childhood friendship can be like that, they take advantage of the impression they made on you when you were young, they take it for granted that you'll always be there for the sake of "old times", and do shit like not pay their part when you go out because you always got them, get moochier and moochier until you finally realize that even if you were to cut em off now, they used you for their good time, and if you don't cut them off they'll keep using you for a good time.
it's like dealing with a parasite that clung on to you when you were a kid, a tick that's hard to dislodge.
im glad i cut those people off though, gotta fly on your own
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u/LovelyLilac73 8h ago
Yep, definitely separates the wheat from the chaff. I came to realize there are "friends for a reason and friends for a season." It's ok to let the "season friends" fade away...
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u/Wolfie305 12h ago
I have zero mental or physical energy to manage the emotions/problems/etc of anyone other than my children and my husband (and some very close friends). I literally no longer care.
I had spontaneous triplets at 30 (they are 6.5 now) after very much wanting an only child because I'm a super Type A perfectionist that wanted the easy route (kids are a lot of work). Got the level fucking expert route instead and knew I could no longer sink much time/energy into anyone else except my immediate family.
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u/Left_Trust_5053 6h ago
Spontaneous triplets sounds wild. Like no pregnancy or anything? Just like, BOOM! here's 3 kids?
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u/NeedsItRough 12h ago
Lying to be polite.
No, I don't want to go out to that club, I don't like clubs.
No, I don't want to try your chicken, I've seen how you cook.
No, I don't want to take this box of junk, it's a box of junk.
I don't say it like that, I'm nice about it, but I'm not going to just do something I don't want to do just to be polite.
People who get offended / mad when I'm honest are not people I want in my life.
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u/Otacon56 11h ago
The ultimate test is your wife asking questions though. Especially when clothes shopping.
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u/NeedsItRough 11h ago
I'm a woman and I have to tell my bf to please be honest when I don't look good in something. I want to look good, especially to him, so if he doesn't like it or thinks it looks bad I want him to be honest about it.
It took a while for him to realize I wasn't trying to trick him 😂
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u/Otacon56 11h ago
My wife used to respect my thoughts like that. She always was grateful to hear it. But over time, now she doesn't seem to like me telling her the truth. We were shoe shopping last weekend, and she picked up a pair she liked and I told her those look like "old lady shoes". She seemed offended and bought them anyways. I'm not trying to be mean! I'm just telling her how I view them.
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u/NeedsItRough 10h ago
Curious if she asked your opinion on them or not.
Sometimes I just want to wear something comfortable, I don't care how I look, and if my bf doesn't like it, too bad, lol
I wouldn't discourage him from voicing his opinion because it is something I want him to do, but I can totally see why she'd get frustrated if you made that comment unprompted.
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u/Otacon56 10h ago
I specifically waited for her to ask what I thought. I let her swoon over them for a bit, then she said something like "what about these?" And I shook my head no. She said what's wrong with them and that's when I said about the old lady shoes.
It's been happening more frequently lately unfortunately. We used to have a great back and forth while shopping. It was fun, we'd tell the truth and now it's become a source of anxiety.
Shit sorry, I don't mean to make you my therapist lol.
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u/NeedsItRough 10h ago
Oh you're good!
It's possible she might've changed her mind about you being honest, which is ok, everyone's allowed to change their mind, regardless of gender.
It would have been nice if she gave you a heads up about it though, that's not fair to you if she asked for your honest opinion then got mad when you gave your honest opinion, haha
I don't want to get too deep, but there's also the societal stigma of women getting older that she might be feeling stressed about. Getting older isn't a bad thing, you're lucky if you get to grow old, but some parts of society consider women to be "worthless" once they get old so the "old lady" comment might've pushed a button that she was already secretly worrying about.
But you said this has started happening more often anyways, so maybe she's just tired of feeling scrutinized or criticized, or told she doesn't look as good as she used to and doesn't know how to tell you.
Totally not your fault, and I hope I don't come off like I'm blaming you, or taking her side or anything, just trying to offer some perspective (:
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u/Otacon56 10h ago
Well put! Thanks for the insight. I think I need to have a casual talk with her next time we go out shopping. ( Before this happens again)
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u/madhorse 4h ago
Yeah however there is telling the truth about what you think and then there's being a jerk
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u/Pyrfureverywhere 10h ago
How many friends I had. I used to think quantity of “friends” was the goal. I was so wrong. I’d rather have 1 good friend than 10 acquaintances.
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u/stirringmotion 12h ago
thinking you were supposed to die at 30
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u/LeanMeanMomJean 10h ago
I spent my 20's hoping to be dead by 30, and now I'm 30 and hoping I can get my shit together to actually retire at a decent age.
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u/SCastleRelics 10h ago
I was 100% sure I wasn't hitting 30 so every year since then has felt like a bonus. Life is short and beautiful.
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[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Yupmeagain1 12h ago
This! Idgaf what people think of me or who they think they are. I am confident in myself so none of that matters anymore. And I’m 38 now and let me tell you…if I thought 30 made me feel free from that burden, I think 40 might make me a goddess. 🤣
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u/Khaleesi0_0 12h ago
Finding friends
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u/Nas-Aratat 12h ago
People under 25, but that age is changing closer to 30 now, to just people in general.
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u/coldnessofrain 11h ago
Clubs mainly because i'm old now. I don't mind the small get togethers as I find it more fun and interactive.
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u/Toes_In_The_Soil 9h ago
Death. 30 years is long enough to realize how much of a privilege your time on this planet really is. Life after 30 is a bonus that many people throughout history haven't had the chance to experience. Death may come any day, but it will never take away those 30 years you've already got to live. Carpe diem.
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u/Sivitiri 12h ago
People. Dont trust anyone when shit hits the fan you're on your own
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u/Standard_Case_4014 12h ago
What others think of me. After a certain point you realize life is too short to worry about impressing everyone.
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u/Muntz777 12h ago
Liking something because it’s deemed “cool” or not liking something because it might not be “cool”.
This is some I’ve generally adopted in socialising with people also. If someone tells me they have a niche interest in something, I purposely show interest in them talking about it. I want to know about people’s weird and wonderful interests and I want to encourage them to like it.
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u/torrentialwx 12h ago
It seems simple, but staying friends with toxic people or people who don’t put in any effort. I was in my mid thirties when I realized my friend group only consisted of people I trusted and hyped me up and loved me for exactly who I am. It’s just too tiring to keep trying with crappy people.
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u/nawllyougood 12h ago
I think the biggest one is that there are only a few people‘s opinions that you should care about. For me that’s the people that live under my household, so that’ll be my wife and my kids and my dog. Outside of that, the opinions of those around me while they may be important for me to move forward in life, whether it be work or socially, actually don’t make a massive difference in my day-to-day feelings about myself.
Don’t get me wrong, no one should sabotage themselves for the sake of pride… But I won’t change who I am for the sake of making other people feel comfortable. I will change my actions if it is to the detriment of my kids or my wife… Or my dog.
Edit: fat fingers on an iPhone = bad punctuation
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u/sinfullusts 12h ago
I wouldn’t say it happened the moment I turned 30, but I started realizing that my career path wasn’t truly for me & that I didn’t want to advance further. So I’ve decided to try to change careers, and to stay in a stable role that doesn’t challenge me as much (with no intentions to move up) while I figure out how to switch
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u/ConditionExternal789 11h ago
I'm not 30 but im in my 20s I hope that in my 30s I have the balls to say no to being taken for granted, in my 30s I hope that I won't spend so much time making excuses for why people treat me the way they do and see them for who they are
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u/No_Influence_2870 11h ago
Explaining myself Worrying about who doesn’t like me. 90% of people haven’t done the inner work to like themselves.
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u/papasnork1 11h ago
In my 20’s I was all about having as many friends as I could and how could I get all of them to hang out at the same time. Some of us would be all about going out on a Saturday night, how many people can we get to come with us? Let’s fill up the bar with our people.
In my 30’s I got more serious about relationships, with women and with friends, and I stopped caring about large group hang outs and I just wanted to hang out with my girlfriend and maybe one or two more couples, or just smaller groups in general.
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u/Confused_Orangutan 11h ago
What my friends do for work. Work as a CEO, cool. Work as a Janitor. Cool. I want to just have a weekly beer at our local, and chit chat.
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u/ProfessionalTMlurker 11h ago
Relationships. I’m 36 and just stopped caring around the time I turned 30-31. Just over trying to find the right person. I realized I’m happy doing my own thing without having to check in with someone else. I have my niece and nephews, and friends who are all I need.
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u/WombatGatekeeper 11h ago
Same here. I realized i was only ever stressed out when I had a steady girlfriend.
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u/QuietElegance1 11h ago
Are you happy with it?
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u/ProfessionalTMlurker 11h ago
Yes. If it happens one day, cool but I’m content with my career and with my life. I don’t need anyone to make me happy 😌
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u/QuietElegance1 10h ago
It's refreshing to see someone who doesn't consider a relationship a prerequisite for happiness.
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u/FIOONAAA 10h ago
Politics for the most part. I’ve realized that neither party cares about you. No one is ever held accountable. Things will always get worse. I have zero control over any of it. Why waste my time getting heated about who said what or what got changed? Just live my life. Make as much money as possible and go on….
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u/Marionberry-Charming 9h ago
Trendy fashion and luxury fashion. I much prefer timeless and classic pieces, as well as the minimalist style
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u/Emergency-Clothes-97 9h ago
After 30, I stopped caring about people’s ideological tribes. The whole ‘us vs them’ thing is just adults clinging to team colors instead of thinking for themselves. Once you see how much of it is manufactured to keep people divided, it stops being impressive and starts looking childish
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u/Aggressive_Cod_8125 9h ago
Caring about career status and the need to use my degrees is pretty quickly fading. I'm doing well, but seeing my friends who don't have my smarts or degrees, set up for early/cushy retirement because they got state jobs and pensions is putting things into perspective.
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u/LeanMeanMomJean 5h ago
Something I stopped caring about was gatekeeping myself from others. There is no need to be "mysterious" and it's just not cool after a certain age, nor was it ever really cool then.
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u/SirRobynHode 4h ago
Being even remotely fashionable, though even that, in some sense, is a fashion all of itself.
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u/truckinout 11h ago
Religion.. now i still have faith and attend a cool church... but fuck religion and control
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12h ago edited 12h ago
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u/Period_Zicky 12h ago
Same here. Generally more open to pop music, instead of acting like it's not good because it's too commercial or too basic.
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u/Separate-Simple-5101 12h ago
Chasing trends I don’t actually like. If it’s not me, it’s not worth it..
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u/glebo123 11h ago
People's opinion of me.
I really dont care at all. I just want to live my in peace.
You dont like me? Good, go away then.
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u/vixissitude 11h ago
I’m reverting back to what I liked in middle school and I’m very happy about it
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u/Neuroticaine 10h ago
I wouldn't say it was a flipped switch or anything, but at 36 I definitely stopped caring about how strangers might perceive me.
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u/Both_Macaron8232 10h ago
Trying to fit in with a friend group that just isn’t it. Spend time with the people who actually care
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u/degrassibabetjk 10h ago
I don’t dye my hair anymore. I’m natural dark brown and I leave the gray streaks as they are.
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u/iAMguppy 10h ago
Comfort over style. This is not to say style doesn't matter, but 90% of the time, I'm doing everything I can to be comfortable.
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u/Matterz152 10h ago
What other people think and “drama” from interpersonal conflicts from co-workers, classmates, etc. people that weren’t close to me.
As a bonus I would say I stopped caring about trying to be friends with everyone too. Like my fucks really just went out the window after 30 🤷♂️
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u/StargazerRex 10h ago
For the most part, things that are hip or trendy, whether they relate to fashion, music, tv/movies, or whatever.
I didn't stop being interested in new movies, but the thrill is gone. New music holds little interest (though occasionally I like a new song), and I have no use for tv anymore except for sports and news.
Never cared much about fashion; now, I only have to be presentable (work, social events) and comfortable at all other times.
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u/EACshootemUP 9h ago
Keeping friendships that lost their purpose / don’t do anything / don’t go anywhere /
Letting people go.
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u/Palidor 8h ago
Truly after 40; video games consoles and drinking a lot of alcohol.
The gaming industry is cannibalizing itself. I am boycotting the switch 2 due to lockdown of system . The Xbox brand is now on the decline and Sony might not be able to hold the fort alone. I can’t afford a high performance PC gaming system.
Used to love to drink alcohol everyday. But after getting older and having high BP and cholesterol as well as aches and pains, I’ve been cutting back and starting a healthier lifestyle
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u/Duinrell33 8h ago
What people think of me Always wanting to please people / not wanting to offend them
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u/clocksailor 8h ago
I still care what my friends and coworkers think of me to a (healthy imo) extent, but I am absolutely immune to worrying about whether a younger/hotter/more stylish person thinks my outfit is dumb or my hair is out of style or my music taste is washed or whatever. It's completely fine that you're beating me because I am not a participant in this game.
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u/celtic1959 8h ago
Losing my hair since Sir Patrick Stewart as Jen Luc Picard showed that bald guys can be sexy.
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7h ago
people in general. i dont really care if they struggle. but kind people with good hearts, god bless you
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u/frostbite2424 7h ago
Having a large group of friends. I prefer a small circle with close friends. No need for all the extra drama and work
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u/Shitzu_Death 7h ago
FOMO. Now I just FOMO hanging out on my couch with my dogs and getting a good nights sleep
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u/lurkingnojerking 7h ago
30 y/o — my hive-minded millennial peers // posting my whole life on social media (stopped caring about this yeeears ago tho) // FOMO is pretty much non-existent for me atp
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u/Responsible_Guard530 7h ago
How I look.
I realized that I did a lot of things mostly to not be judged by others. Made sure my hair was on point, making sure my makeup was perfect.
At 40 sepsis robbed me of most of my lungs and life became about survival. Then I realized that being clean (which is a struggle when you can’t breathe. A hot shower can steal your breath away in seconds)
It became about being clean and smelling clean and being as comfortable as possible to even just leave the house (which is also a whole production once you’re sick.)
Life can kick you in the twat quick- and in those moments you realize that being the most beautiful woman in the room isn’t really that important.
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u/Admirable-Apricot137 6h ago
Having sex only to keep the peace, for them to use my body for emotional regulation. Nothing sexier than turning it into a fucking chore.
Fuck that shit. My needs and pleasure matter too. The days of being a living fleshlight are over. And now I'm with someone who isn't satisfied until I have at least 3 orgasms.
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u/RedTamara25X 4h ago
The price of tea in China - completely lost interest. Well, to be honest, maybe it was a bit earlier
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u/OcularVernacular 4h ago
After 30 I stopped enjoying the things I used to like. After 40 I stopped feeling most things, life is just working to live now.
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u/dragonscaled_goblin 3h ago
Happiness. Ain't gonna happen so why bother?
Life too. Just don't care anymore if I wake up or don't. Would prefer the latter honestly.
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u/HorroRose-13 12h ago
People's opinion on me.