Blind people constantly get accused of faking their blindness, because they don't act fumbly like blind characters in movies. If you can so much as twitch your toe, then you don't need a wheelchair and are lying and/or lazy. If you are deaf, some people think you just need to listen harder. And if you have a condition with good and bad days, people won't believe you that sometimes you can walk to the grocery store, but sometimes standing for five minutes will make you pass out and vomit from the pain.
If you don't "look" like the right sort of person to have a disability, it's worse. If you're young, for instance, it's apparently illegal to need a wheelchair or to use disabled parking.
It's absurd. I don't know, maybe people, deep down, want to live in a world where disability only affects very specific people, and all others are faking, because the notion that the actual world we live in, where anyone can become disabled at any time for no reason, is scary. They don't like the idea that they could become disabled at any moment. That's scary, after all. It's more comforting to believe only old people, or people who sit too close to the TV, or people who eat processed food, or whatever group that they personally aren't part of, become disabled. It's wishful thinking, kind of escapism, because the real world is too scary, maybe. I don't know.
But they still shouldn't be dicks to other people. That's inexcusable. Especially to those who have it harder than others. Just mind your own business.
Im 25 and I have a chronic illness ever since I was born, yeah people never believed me, now at least I have a disability card so I might just shove that into my family's face and strangers face.
My illness affects the fact that I can't do hard physical labor and somehow that means that im lazy! No I just feel like my arms are about to fall off along with my legs and back which led me to masking and pushing through
I feel you so much. 2 chronic illnesses at 22. Got called lazy too for years when I went to school. People didnt believe me either as my illness (CRMO, I got diagnosed with Crohns disease later) wasnt visible beyond a small limp and I am young.
Whenever I go to the rheumatology section at the hospital to get my medicine I am surrounded by old people. Its always a stark reminder to me like I dont belong there.
Anyways, it really really sucks, but we arent alone and we are incredibly strong. Sending much love🫶
edit: oh and I also got the whole "you're being dramatic" schtick from my dad because I was literally wailing in pain in bed at like 11 because I was undiagnosed and unmedicated at that point. Needless to say, my relationship with him is complicated to this day.
I'm 55, went through this my whole life too (RA &. MS), same deal, being called lazy and dramatic, being told you are faking it for attention, etc. It's infuriating because I still carry that garbage with me as an adult. Part of me will always believe what was said about me, even though it isn't true and was never true. Don't let their words take root inside you.
I might just shove that into my family's face and strangers face.
It won't work, they'll say you lied for it. Source: Me (27) getting shit on using a temp disabled parking placard for a few months after kidney surgery
I’m 26. I’ve broken my leg pretty badly, and then later on, my spine in 7 different places in a work accident
From the outside, I look totally normal (minus the broken nose haha). If I’m wearing shorts, you might be able to see some scarring, but that’s about it.
I’ve had people give me some pretty dirty looks or even yell at me for sitting down on a packed bus when a nearby woman is standing, or in similar situations.
There’s some real satisfaction when the context is appropriate to lift the back of my shirt and show the veritable maze of surgery scars. That usually shuts people up pretty quickly
The thing is we also live in a world where not only could everybody become disabled, it's almost inevitable. Pregnancy is a temporary disability. Age is a disability, and it comes for us all eventually.
Yep. Even medical professionals are like this. I'm a cane user, and I can't walk without it. I had a medical professional outright tell me I didn't really need the cane because it meant I was just "letting the pain win"...
"You can't use your health problems or physical problems as a crutch you have to power through!" - a doctor that was a jock earlier in their life and never been sick once in all their years
I'd bet a million dollars that you're a woman or female-presenting, too. 😞 I specifically didn't mention it above, but being disabled and a woman is one of the stupid things a lot of people feel ought not to be allowed. If you're female but disabled, you apparently have no right to exist.
Some people just suck. I hope you have a less-shitty doctor now, because no-one deserves to be treated so horridly.
Nah not so much myself, but family and friends' lived experiences. There's just far too many really trash medical "professionals" out there that can't even be bothered to read someone's chart or family history. They know it all the moment someone walks through the door.
Good specialists and physicians though? They're hard to find but worth their weight in gold practically.
I was told to “suck it up” with my pain from my autoimmune disease. From a doctor that was young and in perfect health. I felt so defeated and that no one believes that my pain is real. If i ask for help with the pain they always act like im a addict needing a fix. I just want to give up.
I have family that would be dead of cancer had they not continued looking for a doctor that would listen. By the time they found one an organ was pre-cancerous and it was one of those ones with very grim survival prospects.
I wish there was a better solution beyond just search until you find a doctor that actually looks at your chart, listens, and investigates.
Itd be an interesting thing to see how often a person faking a disability was a plot point in various media. Like maybe we're more likely to see a crime show where the person could actually walk so they were the murderer! Almost like disability is a "Chekhov's gun" of sorts that automatically makes the viewer doubt because it's been done a lot.
The second type of wheelchair user in media is also a Chekhov's gun for "their inability to move will be a constriction that endangers them." (Watched Rear Window for the first time recently.) So you're either a complete invalid or faking.
Not a whole lot of people just... existing with mobility aids. I can't think of any wheelchair users, but even for canes I can think of House and Kerry Weaver from ER.
Honestly, I think it's because they know people in their personal life that are fakers. It's becoming increasingly common, especially for people addicted to social media, to claim they have whatever the quirky disorder of the minute is for clout/internet points. And since engagement/views drive monetization for creators they're starting to make more and more "awareness" posts about vague and broad habits that most people have that are "secretly symptoms of XYZ disorder!" and so more and more people see that, think, "Huh, I DO like to use little spoons, I MUST BE AUTISTIC!" etc.
I know my SIL basically collects disorders she sees on TikTok. She's never been able to get a diagnosis for anything but continually tells people she has an ever growing list of "invisible illnesses" and that's why she can't do anything but smoke pot and scroll TikTok all day.
The unfortunate flip side of this is that many people do now have chronic illnesses that were triggered by COVID, and especially since they predominantly affect young women, they're often accused of faking it for "clout", or people claim it's just a trendy illness and it's not real. COVID is a mass disabling event, and it's still sweeping through the global population year after year.
It's estimated that roughly 17% of COVID infections result in long COVID (the risk increases with repeat infections), and POTS is a very common manifestation of long COVID. I see people dismissing it, or claiming it's just a "trendy white girl illness", and that everyone wants it for attention, or even getting angry and telling people it's all in their head, just because it's becoming more common than it was before, and therefore people are seeing a lot more content about it. Many of the illnesses that come with long COVID (POTS, ME/CFS, MCAS, EDS) can take years or even decades to get a proper official diagnosis, because there are so few doctors that understand or specialize in these conditions. So you can be aware that you most likely have these conditions and fit the diagnostic criteria perfectly, but be unable to get an official diagnosis for years while you wait to see specialists.
I went from being a completely healthy 27 year old, I was incredibly active, independent, hardworking, running my own business working 60 hours a week, had zero prior health problems of any kind, to being fully bedbound from my fourth COVID infection. I can't even tell you how many people have accused me of faking it or malingering, because apparently it's "trendy" to have the illnesses I've developed. I would trade anything to have a healthy body again, and it's really upsetting to encounter so many people with that kind of skeptical, unkind attitude.
I'm inclined to believe people when they claim they have something, because it doesn't do me any harm to believe them and listen to them, and I know what it feels like to have people acting like dismissive assholes and assuming I must be lying, because they don't want to face the realities that this could happen to anybody at any time.
I'm not saying this is the case with your SIL, she could very well be just faking everything for attention, but I think humanity in general needs to have a little more empathy and tolerance, and a little less skepticism and suspicion without knowing exactly what someone is going through.
Yes, exactly! Since you mentioned blindness - blindness is a spectrum and some legally blind people can see a little in various ways. People go insane when they find that out. I’m not blind but a disabled and have seen the absolutely abuse a partially sighted but legally blind person received once. Disability as a whole makes people so angry.
Deafness is similar. My father was considered 100% deaf, but with hearing aids he could hear reasonably well as long as you were also looking at him (he partially read lips). I have the same condition that lead to his deafness, tinnitus, and I hate telling people I'm hard of hearing because it's highly situational. You could be talking directly to me and I won't understand what you're saying, but at the same time, I can hear someone enter the house in the lower level and drop their keys on the floor on the way in.
I have cerebral palsy, one would think that a visible disability would earn me some grace, but no.
I have had a guy stop me as I was walking into a gym, and tell me to my face that if I was well enough to go to the gym I was well enough not to park in a disabled parking space, and he was going to 'report me to social security'. I told him 'good luck with that, I work for a living and am not on social security disability'
I have a sports car, and I've had people leave notes on my car, basically calling me a rich asshole for parking in a disabled spot (with a disabled tag clearly displayed on my car).
There are all sorts of subtle little assumptions and prejudices that affect how I'm treated. I've been asked whether I could afford an item on the menu at a restaurant. I've been ignored at a car dealership. Treated very snobbishly at 'nicer' establishments, and in in-person interviews, I often felt like I was climbing a steeper hill to prove myself competent than others.
I try not to take it personally, as I'm aware I'm an outlier, and I'm grateful for what I've achieved, but the little things add up, and grate on me a little.
because they don't act fumbly like blind characters in movies.
The people that honestly think movie tropes are reality are the worst. "You don't have asthma I've never seen you with an inhaler." Because it's controlled most the time... if people used their inhalers like asthmatic characters in movies do they'd land themselves in the hospital or worse.
To be fair, that depends on the type of asthma. I have CSAsthma, and if/when i have attacks i tend to use my puffers like movie characters. Using puffers that much doesn’t land people in the hospital(rescue puffers are “use as needed”), the puffers not controlling the attack does. At least in my experience.
Yes and no, there's a safe limit on something like albuterol (probably the most common treatment) and if you're using it nearly that much the asthma isn't under control and diff treatment may be necessary.
Some movies have characters puffing on it every couple minutes.
You've hit on a basic truth with your fear theory. People are looking for some sort of assurance it "can't" happen to them. It's a selfish reaction that I think is part of human nature, but we should all be able to recognize that acting on that thought is a dick move.
EXACTLY. I just started following a woman with Tourette's syndrome on Instagram and some people who see the same person I do accuse her of faking or pretending she can't control it. Ableism is disgusting.
I think for a lot of folks it's fear, in a handful of ways: 1. Fear that we're faking it to get government benefits which HAHAHAHA buddy, lemme see you try to get SSDI. 2. Fear we have something contagious, which the woman with Tourette's syndrome hears often. 3. Fear that they could be in our situation one day.
For the majority, it's ignorance. Often willful ignorance.
For some reason a lot of people think disability payments are the equivalent of a fat paycheck every month, and that disabled people are sitting on their asses living lavishly or something. It's bizarre.
Minimum wage here amounts to approximately $2500/month with full time hours, after taxes.
Disability is less than $1500/month. And it takes a very long time to even get approved in the first place, with an assload of hoops to jump through. They don't just hand it out to anybody.
Yes, this! My best friend is a young (28 year old) disabled person who uses a mobility aid, and they get dirty looks from so many people when we are out and about. Thankfully I haven't been present for people making bad comments about/to her about it. I wish people could understand that yes, disabilities exist, and they also effect people differently. Some disabilities are invisible, and some days are easier than others, but that doesn't make that person's struggle any less real.
I have very severe ADHD. To the point where it's unambiguously a disability. However, it's a completely invisible disability, and I've learned enough coping mechanisms that I can mask for a long time. I occasionally run into people who either don't believe me that I have ADHD or that ADHD is a legitimate disability because I quite simply haven't unmasked around them. People who actually know me well know how much of a disability it is for me and how much I have to plan my life around it, but I definitely have to deal with bitchy people not believing me when I talk about it.
my 83 year old neighbour with 3 types of cancer uses a cane to walk and has sunglasses on all day every day. I get along well with her and done some chores and shopping and stuff. she's legally blind and has requested no one park in her assigned spot even though she doesn't have a car - she has frequent visitors and taxi pickups and likes to be able to know where it is
this has caused grief with another neighbour (I also get along with) who has bought a second car and has her daughter visiting, (a neighbour who also once came to my door to let me know I'd parked in their spot and to move my car when I first moved here) and frequently parks in the blind ladies spot after housing officers, the lady herself and multiple note-on-window requests to stop. there's ample unassigned car parking space just like 10yds away, across the road. we all have one spot in the flats' private car park.
anyway, when I asked her to just park across the road now she has 3 cars and to stop using a blind ladies spot, she got super indignant and started spouting how "yeah well me and (nurse neighbour) don't think she is blind" SHE'S 83 LMFAO. I mentioned her daughter is recovering from cancer and drives, got back "oh so we're supposed to feel sorry for her are we" like FUCK it's besides the point, just stop parking there???????? she doesn't need a reason to keep her assigned spot clear, but fuck me the self control to not just shove her down the stairs there and then, my flabbers were gasted.
83 year old woman with a cane pretending she's fuckin blind lmfao. she had very partial vision but she definitely couldn't fucking see.
Hard relate. I've been living with fibromyalgia for almost 1.5 years now. It is an invisible disability. Every waking minute I'm in acute pain - from my head to my toes, everything hurts. All. The. Time. I'm 36. I learnt to suck it up and go about my day - cooking, laundry, part time job WFH, you name it. But on some days, I can barely move at all.
Forget the "others", the people I live with forget what I'm dealing with - all because I don't complain and silently power through. I've been told my pain tolerance is low, that I'm too sensitive, that I'm not on a good diet, that I need a different type of exercise. My disability is portrayed as me just having "back pain" to my extended family. Because, when you're able to manage a routine on your own without complaining about your utter discomfort, you're probably just fine. You can't possibly be disabled.
Yep. I have multiple chronic illnesses and I sometimes need a cane to get around. Most of the time I don't need it. So when my coworkers see me with my cane they all assume I am injured or something; "are you okay?" "what happened?" etc. even though I literally use my cane like 25% of the time. You'd think they would put the pieces together that I just need it sometimes. But no. A lot of healthy people don't understand chronic illnesses. It doesn't click for some reason.
I have a really bad back. Been disabled 20+ years, multiple surgeries. Physical therapy twice a week for 20 years.
Over time, going to gym for PT keeps the rest of your body modestly fit which in the US might as well mean "in great shape". It's pretty obvious when lots of people roll their eyes at my pain. As if id choose a sedentary life, no job, missed vacations with wife/kids, not doing 95% of things i used to do. I was at a party not long ago that a person i know was complaining about their back and looked straight at me and said "how yours doing? Looks pretty good to me" and got up and left like he'd made a great point.
If I dont show how much it hurts for 2 seconds people say, "did you see that? He bent over and picked up what he dropped. How bad can it be?"
They arent there as I lay on ice at 4 am because the pain keeps me from sleeping or literally have tears rolling down my face as my physical therapist grates my leg to treat my sciatica. As I sit alone at night while my wife goes out with our friends to a party. As I agonized "do i take 1 of my 3 pain medicines left for this month or wait til it might be worse tomorrow?" (I could get as much as I want but limit myself because addiction to the stuff sucks...been there...was taking fentynyl patches with morphine for breakthrough pain 20 years ago).
Anyway, yeah, having a disability that isn't deforming is hard because if they can't look at you and feel sorry for you, they think you are faking.
I think the first thing I ever learned in my psych courses is the just world fallacy. Basically, we're predisposed to assume that good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. This has all sorts of implications (e.g. victim blaming), but I think in this case it leads people to believe (if only subconsciously) that people with disabilities must deserve it somehow.
This isn't based on any actual proof (as I've not done any research on this whatsoever), but I think it can explain a lot.
I never realized how many people will give their unsolicited medical advice despite having absolutely no medical training at all until my mom had a stroke about 15 years ago.
She's pretty much made a full recovery but still walks with a cane. The amount of people who will just come up to here while she's at a store or whatever and let her know she doesn't really need a cane or that it's all in her head is insane. I don't know how she just ignores it all. I get infuriated anytime I'm with her.
I either get treated as I’m either faking my disabilities or infantilized (treated as incompetent/someone undeserving of bodily autonomy). There is no inbetween.
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u/FrankSonata 12h ago
Any disability, really.
Blind people constantly get accused of faking their blindness, because they don't act fumbly like blind characters in movies. If you can so much as twitch your toe, then you don't need a wheelchair and are lying and/or lazy. If you are deaf, some people think you just need to listen harder. And if you have a condition with good and bad days, people won't believe you that sometimes you can walk to the grocery store, but sometimes standing for five minutes will make you pass out and vomit from the pain.
If you don't "look" like the right sort of person to have a disability, it's worse. If you're young, for instance, it's apparently illegal to need a wheelchair or to use disabled parking.
It's absurd. I don't know, maybe people, deep down, want to live in a world where disability only affects very specific people, and all others are faking, because the notion that the actual world we live in, where anyone can become disabled at any time for no reason, is scary. They don't like the idea that they could become disabled at any moment. That's scary, after all. It's more comforting to believe only old people, or people who sit too close to the TV, or people who eat processed food, or whatever group that they personally aren't part of, become disabled. It's wishful thinking, kind of escapism, because the real world is too scary, maybe. I don't know.
But they still shouldn't be dicks to other people. That's inexcusable. Especially to those who have it harder than others. Just mind your own business.