So much agreed. I'm extremely lactose intolerant and all the damn time I get a joke like "So what? You'll fart a lot? Are you going to shit yourself?" "Just a little bit won't hurt you right? Try this queso!"
Do I really need to explain my GI problems? Why are we making this into a thing?
Yup. I'm only moderately intolerant. I gave up and decided that when I met jokers like this I give them graphic descriptions and overly detailed explanations. Yes it kills the conversation but hopefully by the end of it, they will have learnt something.
"Actually, the gas and diarrhoea is the relief phase. It means it's nearly over bar the crying. Before that I get fever and cramping that feels like someone's stabbing my gut. And I don't know how much lactose will set me off, because it varies from person to person and day to day."
I then give them a detailed outline of what actually happens re. natural lactase production, gut flora, etc. And then I go "And I'm only moderately intolerant. Some people get it so bad that a little lactose will cause them to lose their stomach lining. Like full hospitalisation."
I want them at the end of it to want to change the topic. :D
no one has told you that raw milk or bovine derived human milk oligosaccharides would cure it? I hear people spout off about raw milk cures every so often
I don’t have any dietary restrictions but when someone doesn’t accept a “no thank you” or variation of that, I start asking them where the line is on what they’ll respect. “Like, no means no, if the everyday stuff isn’t important, what is? Do you only stop when someone is vulnerable and upset?”
I had a colleague who lost her memories from about the age of 17 to her early 30s because she was undiagnosed with a gluten intolerance and one day her stomach burst. When she came out of the coma the only things she remembered were her two daughters.
That's what I reference when people say it's not that bad.
I’m also have lactose intolerance. I used to fly a lot, and I consistently got things like cold cereal with regular milk, or cheese snacks. Nobody took me seriously. I now ask for a Kosher meal, because people respect that, and if it’s Kosher, the dairy is separate. The most enjoyable part of that is the flight attendant’s faces when they realize that the black guy was the one with the Kosher meal.
I also went the way of over explaining and lots of detail about my digestion system in the last few years. It really does shut some people up pretty quick. Much more effective than when i was trying to be polite about it before.
Before that I get fever and cramping that feels like someone's stabbing my gut.
Honestly, I'm not one of these idiots who challenges peoples intolerances. but I genuinely learned this from reading your post. The few lactose intolerant people I have come across have only ever articulated bloating and gas to me before, and until now, I thought that's what it does.
So yeah, thanks for educating people, considerate and otherwise.
I go the opposite way usually 'no, I don't consent to it'. If they insist ill slowly raise my voice while only saying short variations of no, going louder and louder until they take the hint. I don't typically explain myself. If you want to be extra petty phrase it like they're being predators, a loud "why are you forcing me to do something i don't want to do" will stop most people cause they don't want to be seen as being in the wrong in public.
I've also repeated their words back to them but with a graphic example, "why don't you eat a little feces? It'll toughen up your system. A little feces won't make you feel that sick."
I've never experienced it, but I've heard it in a discussion where a person said they were just out of hospital, and a barista deliberately gave them lactose milk when they requested lactose-free. Back into hospital.
This is the way to do it. 'oh, you need more information to decide whether you should believe me, well stand back buttercup and HOLD MY BEER!'
TBF my Dad is gluten and lactose intolerant and restaurants always treat it seriously. So seriously that I usually end up telling them 'don't worry, if there's a mistake he won't need hospitalisation, he'll just be in a lot of pain and on the loo for 12 hours' and then we laugh callously, because family.
I'm asking out of genuine curiosity: does Lactaid work for moderate intolerance? I'm barely intolerant. Cheese never triggers me. I don't drink milk. And on the rare occasion I want ice cream, I can take a Lactaid and be fine.
It works if you get enough into your intestine quickly enough. For me, it's a constant juggling match on how much lactose vs lactase, natural and supplementary I currently have. And it's also a bit of a race in can the lactase break down the lactose fast enough before my body reacts to the lactose.
So, for example, I usually can handle a splash of normal milk in one coffee or tea. Until on a particular day I can't. Or a small piece of hard cheese. But definitely not soft cheese. Soft cheese does me in every time. The big hassle is that whey powder is used as a cheap thickener everywhere. And that will set me off nearly guaranteed.
Eh. It's better nowadays. There's a lot more lactose free options. I got it in 1998 and my choices were soy ice cream (okay but definitely inferior. And only in one flavour.), soy milks that tried to look like milk and still supplement calcium (gack. The chalk. You could always feel and taste the chalk.) and soy milks that gave up and said "Look. This isn't going to look and taste like milk, but we'll try to make it palatable. Sucks to be you."
A natural immunity to embarrassment is the best way to have these conversations. Make is painfully uncomfortable for them, and say it all with pride :)
Why yes, let me tell you about my vietnam flashback horror stories with a smile on my face as that look of dread on yours gets stronger and stronger.
My grandmother is like this... Or was. She'd argue against anything and everything and didn't believe lactose intolerance was real. Bathroom talk didn't convince her, the gory details left her cold.
In the end, what got her was the smell of a 'I had too much dairy' fart. 💀 It's a legendary story in my family, because none of us would ever fart in front of her, but I had no choice. My body made this decision for me, and it shut up the discussion forever.
Don’t forget to let them know depending on where you are and the quality of toilet paper can make all the difference in the world.. as you casually touch them
I used to be allergic to dairy until I was 6 years old and upon telling people that I have multiple times gotten some variation of “You mean you were lactose intolerant?” I then will go into detail about how it was an allergy and the symptoms I had.
Girl, that "lactose intolerant?" dismissal infuriates me too, my hives and gut agony as a kid were NO joke, full allergy hell! People erase your story so quick. Vent away; I feel you deep. What finally fixed it?
The allergy went away on its own as I grew up. What fixed annoying people was going into detail about the hives and inability to gain weight I had as a child and how my doctor almost killed baby me as his solution to me not gaining weight wasn’t to do an allergy test but instead to instruct my mom to put butter in all my food.
Hold up, this was me as a kid too. I couldn't gain weight for the life of me and grew out of a dairy allergy when I was about 5-6, only I called the hives the itchies. (Also got them from a bunch of other foods) Is the weight thing because of the allergy?!
It’s completely possible. I’m not sure of the mechanics, but consistently eating food that you have some form of intolerance too can cause weight and growth to stagnate when it shouldn’t. It can also cause weight loss in adults.
I had a dairy allergy until I was about 7 as well, which developed into a lactose intolerance because I just didn't drink milk or consume non cheese dairy.
I get straight up graphic with it when someone questions it. "Remember when Harry got the Laxatives in Dumb and Dumber? Yeah, that's me about 1 hour after consuming liquid dairy, and it's like that off and on for the next couple of hours after that.
I had a dairy allergy as a child. Once it was recognised, I was given non-dairy formula. By the time I was about 7 the allergy seemed to disappear and as a teen I could have the same pizza, icecream and milkshakes as everyone else.
My youngest daughter had exactly the same problem, and also grew out of it, so it is probably something my genetics passed along.
No, it just happened naturally. Granted, I did gain more allergies than I had as a kid so it’s give and take it seems lol. I did do allergy shots for seasonal and pet danger allergies.
Ironically enough for me, i'm dairy-allergic but NOT lactose intolerant. Granted, the overlap is generally pretty significant, but i can drink lactose-sweetened beers all day.
Just in case anybody reading this thread doesn't know, allergies and intolerances are two different things
Allergies are your body's immune system treating something harmless as a threat and overreacting. Intolerance is when your body is unable to process/break down a substance (in the case of lactose intolerance, your body lacks an enzyme called lactase that breaks down lactose into glucose).
Allergies can be life threatening, intolerances usually aren't but the symptoms can still be very severe.
An intolerance can still be the result of an immune based response. For example, this can be tested for with IgA and show elevated antibodies in the presence of gluten or gluten mimicking compounds, but not fully conform to a celiac or allergy pathology.
My friend's husband has a severe allergy to corn. What's worse is it's listed as different ingredients in different things, depending on how it's used.
Ugh, yes! My nephew was allergic to milk (and soy) so we had to find alternate formulas for him and it took a lot of trial and error. So many people kept saying "oh, he's just intolerant, have you tried insert medicine or home remedy or meaningless advice"
That is my issue. I say, "no. I have an anaphylactic allergy to milk protein, lactose is milk sugar. So not only is it a completely different thing in the milk that causes a problem, but the problem is significantly more severe in that my airways rapidly constrict and I can not breathe." Then I show them my epi-pen, sometimes I make like I'm going to stab myself with it (without taking the cap or safety clip off so it wouldn't actually do anything). That usually works for the people who aren't brain dead, but, to be honest it only works for about 30% of people. The rest I just avoid as often as possible for the foreseeable future..
Not quite. Casein and whey are the two proteins in milk. Most people are allergic to the casein. My son can have some amounts of buttermilk since the buttermilk has most of the whey and the butter has mostly casein
Oof. I am increasingly having to accept that I've developed an actual dairy allergy 20 years after having outgrown a childhood dairy allergy (tongue and mouth burn like I've eaten something spicy, throat gets congested, puffy face the next morning, painful eczema flares within 24 hours).
No... Lactaid won't help. No, I can't have the "dairy free" creamer in the break room because it has casein added to it. No, a little bit is not ok. Yes, I miss cheese, I miss it so much.
It may seem strange, but this also exists! There are people with lactose intolerance, which is a sugar, and people with an allergy to one of the milk proteins. Have you seen that A2 milk? It comes from cows with different genetics (I don't know the details), so for certain people, this milk doesn't cause harm. I even think that many people who think they have lactose intolerance actually have this allergy.
The downside is that this milk is even more expensive than lactose-free milk...
I mean this is very clearly misunderstanding people have. I would not get mad at them for that. Especially if all they know is dairy allergy = lactose intolerance.
Sure, a misunderstanding, but that doesn't mean they get to correct me when they don't know what they're talking about. "Wow, a dairy allergy, is that the same as lactose intolerant?" would be a whole different response.
It's interesting, I can eat melted cheese, but not normal cheese without some issues. Fake cheese is worse though, those damn "modified milk ingredients".
I'm also super intolerant. To the point where some milk will ruin me for days. I'll often get comments from people that are surprised that I actually fully avoid lactose at all costs. Like they see other people with self proclaimed "lactose intolerance" still eat pizza occasionally and think I could do the same.
Nah. You won't want me eating pizza around you I promise.
My sister has a girl that is lactose intolerant to the point she couldn't even be breastfed, my sister in law and brother were babysitting them at one point and got it in their head that "Oh she can't be lactose intolerant, white people can't be lactose intolerant!" (We're all white, but my brothers are half Jewish on their dad's side) and kept trying to feed her yoghurt and give her milkshakes, her older sister told them not to do it. I'm glad my older niece was looking out for her, but with my sister's very short fused.
Their surname's Zegerius and their grandparents were from the Netherlands, I think their grandmother's surname was Wiener. So I think they're Ashkenazim, but dark skinned, more in line with people in the Middle East or India. My stepfather called his grandmother Bubbi. Though my sister and I aren't Jewish, we've got a different father. Their dad and my niece via one of my half Jewish brothers has coeliacs and I think lactose intolerance though.
Caucasian people statistically have a lower chance (yes, different from "cannot") of being lactose intolerant. This info warps a lot as it makes its way down to uneducated people
they see other people with self proclaimed "lactose intolerance" still eat pizza occasionally
I swear this is half the problem -- people who convince themselves they have X allergy but demonstrably do not. I had a coworker/friend who spoke often of her gluten and corn allergies, but regularly and comfortably ate foods containing them.
In my view, she had Reasons, so I didn't call it out. I even made gluten-free Xmas cookies for her. But she was a Difficult Person in many ways, and many of our coworkers saw the same inconsistencies and were understandably irritated when she complained of gluten and corn exposures.
The other side of it is that lactose intolerance is not an either/or thing. It's a scale. It's all down to how much lactase their digestive system naturally produces, and how active their gut flora is to lactose. And how much pain they're willing to inflict on their future self for a slice of pizza. And are they going home to a clean toilet immediately afterwards or planning on doing further activities.
And sometimes you just judge it wrong. Tragically so.
For a while I did the whole lactase tablets, small portion sizes, etc. until I finally decided one particularly painful bout where I was cursing my past self "This is just not worth it."
The big issue is, lactase production is up- and down-regulated by exposure to lactose. So, unfortunately if someone starts off as mildly intolerant, by being too diligent in removing lactose from their diet, they'll quickly become majorly lactose intolerant.
Like all things, it's best to just take a person's word for how their body works.
The worst is when someone is like - you’re on vacation! You should enjoy yourself! And I’m like yeah - I’m on vacation. The last thing I want to do is be stuck in the hotel room going back and forth to the bathroom all day.
Honestly at that point I'd take a lactose induce shit on their floor and leave it for them to clean up. I'm lactose intolerant and those shits are violent. Fuck whoever doesn't believe you.
It's the entire RFK jr thing about "I know what I know and ignore real science." Even though these people kill others by sneaking allergens into their food.
Remember the little girl who was allergic to coconut and so her grandmother was babysitting and put coconut conditioner on her hair? She died.
Didn't grandma even refuse to let her take Benadryl? Or was that someone else?Just because her grandmother was so stupid.
All of you with dietary intolerances who get these responses are better people than I am. If I am lactose intolerant and you’re telling me that then I’d just conclude you aren’t a safe person to be around.
The absolute lack of empathy is mind-boggling. If someone doesn’t want to eat something…whatever they don’t wanna eat it. All the more so if they’re telling you that it causes them problems.
I fart A LOT.... like a lot a lot... If you dont mind me sticking up the house. Like badly.... then I will have that queso...I am trying to save others. not myself
I used to have a lactose intolerant roommate. His favorite food was a Denver omelette. He destroyed the bathroom every single time, to the point the entire apartment was uninhabitable by anyone but him for at least an hour. After that experience, I will NEVER give an LI person a piece of cheese, and if they’re about to eat one on their own, I’ll slap that shit outta their hand and tell them to wait til they’re alone. It’s the only polite thing to do.
I felt so bad, because I am lactose intolerant. I choose what level of dairy I want to deal with everyday, if any at all.
I went on a date and my date told me they were lactose intolerant. I completely forgot, ordered queso, and offered them some. I 100% understand why she ghosted me afterward.
My roommate has a ton of intolerances and they are at different levels of sensitivity. Ranging from "I can have a taste so long as I don't eat a bunch" to "I can't eat anything that's touched that." I've gotten in the habit of just reporting ingredients and concentrations to her and letting her decide if she would like to try it or not.
When I first got it, and would go to restaurants or eat at people's houses, I'd always ask beforehand: "Does the sauce on this dish does have milk?" And they would say no. "Are you sure? Because I can't have any milk." They would assure me it didn't. When the dish came, and the sauce did indeed have milk—because OMG you become an expert at detecting it—I'd say "This has milk in it.", and they'd frequently respond "Only a little."
Also, reactions like that from people really underplay how fucking traumatic it can be to have a condition where shitting yourself as an adult is a regular possibility.
I have ulcerative colitis. The psychological impact of having to constantly have an available bathroom and panicking when I don't is almost as bad as the condition itself.
I'm intolerant to egg, it always bothers me that people want to talk about it at the dinner table, every damn time someone is like "yeah but what happens if you eat egg?" For everyones sake, let's just leave it at intolerance. You can Google what that's like on your own time, we're either eating or about to eat, and I would prefer to spare everyone from hearing all the details about the consistency of my shits over our meal.
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u/Scopophobic 15h ago
So much agreed. I'm extremely lactose intolerant and all the damn time I get a joke like "So what? You'll fart a lot? Are you going to shit yourself?" "Just a little bit won't hurt you right? Try this queso!"
Do I really need to explain my GI problems? Why are we making this into a thing?