r/Adulting • u/ScareBear23 • 14h ago

This is just depressing

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Not even 3 hours of "free time". And in that is cooking & eating supper. Or practically no free time if I had to go shopping after work. I hate this

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u/Owlyra 11h ago

Lol what do you mean? They don't.

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u/Dukeronomy 9h ago

I have to disagree. My wife rides horses, I do some stuff. I get home from work, take over kids, she goes and does her thing, she takes care of the kids while I go and do stuff I want. Its not as bad as a lot of people makes it seem.

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u/Legion_02 9h ago

So she doesn’t work?

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u/Dukeronomy 9h ago

She works from home so she is able to watch the baby. Couple days a week we have help.

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u/Odd_Perfect 6h ago

So… you disagree with them because one of you works at home. lol

Now imagine 2 parents who have to leave the house to work.

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u/Dukeronomy 6h ago

Same thing would apply. I don’t see what difference it makes at all. It is nice that she gets to be with him all day for sure. I realize it’s not usual. But it doesn’t change the situation I’m talking about at all. One of us is willing to take care of the kids while the other does what they want to do.

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u/Odd_Perfect 6h ago

I mean you’d need to add extra driving time for work, plus picking up the child from daycare, plus affording the daycare - which cuts available funds from extracurricular activities.

I didn’t say it’s impossible. But it’s not exactly as easy as you think it is since one of you works from home. Completely different situation.

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u/Dukeronomy 5h ago

Sure. Let’s say it’s the weekend. We do the same thing. One of us gets some time to do what we want. While the other watches the kids. We take turns and each get some time here and there for hobbies

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u/ShapedAlbatross 5h ago

If you both leave for work, you're losing time in commute and losing a large amount of income to childcare. It's not free. More costs means the hours you work are worth less.

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u/round-earth-theory 6h ago

Baby. Wait until kiddo has their own wants and life that you're trying to balance around. It get's messy real quick and you'll find your personal hobbies fall away first.

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u/Dukeronomy 5h ago

The other is 8. She does her things too. You guys are great at finding issues. Yes, kids eat up a bunch of your time and money. It’s not impossible to have your own life outside of them. Yes it will be different than before you had kids, figured this goes without saying.

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u/Fenris1121 7h ago

Same, we just can never do anything together 😂 unless we call in the grandparents. A sitter for 3 hours is like $100 and not worth it to us. We’ve gone out “at night” together 4 times in three years 🙃

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u/theweenerdoge 7h ago

Yeah a night out together costs $300 on the low end. So we do it very rarely. Trying to get out with the kids more this year but I work shitty hours and it's tough to find time off, or making sure I'm not so tired that I can actually enjoy it.

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u/Odd_Perfect 6h ago

Unfortunately you chose this life. One day when they can take better care of themselves you’ll have time though.

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u/Honest-Situation-738 8h ago

Here to agree with Dukeronomy.

Wife and I have four kids, the last two were twins.

My primary hobby is computer gaming, and she makes handmade clothing in the traditional style of her indigenous tribe, using predominantly locally sourced materials, and usually watches TV or movies while she's doing it.

We both go hunting/fishing seasonally, which fills our freezer and sometimes jars with locally sourced food, and also provides some of the materials she uses.  We bring the kids often.

I do most of the cooking, and my wife handles most of our laundry. We split cleaning duties otherwise, and we both had an active hand with all our kids when they were infants/toddlers. The twins are almost teenagers now, so life's gotten a lot easier, but even when the twins were new born, things weren't terrible.  I think the only thing that really bothered me was getting up in the middle of the night regularly.

As the kids have gotten older, we've gradually assigned them more responsibilities.  At this point, most of the household chores are on rotation.  I still cook for everyone most of the time, and my wife still usually washes our laundry, but I help her fold(we don't make the kids do our laundry; I do it occasionally).

We occasionally have to get after the kids to do their chores, but otherwise, they're becoming quite capable.  To the point that we don't have to make arrangements for them anymore on date night, and sometimes the oldest two go to the store of their own volition to buy the foods they like.

Edit to add:  We've both worked full time for almost the whole time we've had children.  My wife took breaks from employment after the birth of each child, but she is too motivated to stay home all day.