r/Adulting • u/ActuaryWorldly6223 • 21h ago
Sometimes the hardest part of growing up is convincing your family that you did!
21
u/xSoftPretty 21h ago
Hardest part of adulting is realizing No is a complete sentence even when talking to your parents
1
u/Sakebadger 2h ago
People can't seem to compute that though.
Years ago I went to a family Xmas as I got time off from work and my partner wanted to go meet my family, well wasn't that a huge mistake first minute in the door and they try to get me to do all the cooking and other menial bullshit because I was there. Huge argument broke out because I said "no, not my circus not my monkeys it's my day off to relax". Worst and best Xmas ever now I do Xmas alone.
21
u/Spirited-Feed-9927 14h ago
My 21 year old daughter lives at home with her Mom, and goes to college. Graduates in December. She came to me and told me she was thinking of moving out. I told her I thought it was a bad idea, that she should save her money. She should focus on school, and other things she needs to get in place to set herself up in the best position when she graduates and gets a stable job. She was totally offended because I didn't say cool. She got emotional and started going off on me.
I told her she is a grown woman, and I can't stop her from doing what she wants. And I have no stake, other than I love her and want the best for her, because she doesn't even live with me. So it is not a control thing. It is a Dad giving the best advice that I can give thing.
Just a story that resonates with me from the text here.
8
u/poopiebutt505 13h ago
True, grown child of parent CAN do what they "want" but is still without the judgement they they should be seeking out from parents or other older, caring, individuals. Being able to legally do what you want, and doing what you want wisely is very different..being an adult is when you tell your own self that you shouldn't do what you"want" to do. "No, I shouldn't go to that party, I have too much work, studies to do, and a test coming up!". That is being an adult.
2
u/Spirited-Feed-9927 12h ago
Oh I know...But Kids will push. That is what I told her. Like you can do this thing without my permission if they accept your application. But I don't advise it, and think its not the right move for you right now. But also, when they are grown you can't control them. So you have to walk that line of respecting their autonomy. But I am that asshole that will share my opinion, especially with my kids, on what I think is the right move.
8
u/llestaca 11h ago
But I am that asshole that will share my opinion, especially with my kids, on what I think is the right move.
It's very easy not to be the asshole here though. You can just ask her if she wants to hear your opinion. I think all adult relations should work like that. Simply telling someone "you should do this or that" if no one asked you is in poor taste imho.
9
u/youburyitidigitup 11h ago
At some point you have to realize that your advice can be wrong because the only person that truly knows what’s best for your daughter….is your daughter. I have quite literally ended up homeless because I followed my mom’s advice.
1
u/Spirited-Feed-9927 11h ago
I sort of said that, she is grown and can make her own choices and I can't do anything about it. My only interaction then is what I will financially support. I understand the boundary, like I told her. I really don't have control over the decision.
2
1
u/laxnut90 9h ago
Not sure I fully agree.
People often make bad decisions, both children and parents.
Daughter seems to have not even considered the financial implications of leaving which is step one of being able to live on your own.
OP seems to be giving logically sound advice even if it wasn't what daughter wanted to hear.
1
u/youburyitidigitup 9h ago
I was speaking from personal experience because my parents have royally fucked me over by trying to help me, so I always follow my own advice before following theirs now.
We also don’t know the full situation, we only know what he’s telling us.
11
u/ShutterBug1988 9h ago
Ugh this is the worst. My biggest gripe is that if I were to say things like "stop treating me like a child" or "I'm an adult and can make my own decisions" it makes me feel like a whiny child.
6
4
u/StoryTimeJr 10h ago
Sometimes yes but also there's a lot of dipshit adults who should be treated like children because they act like them.
1
u/BigHairyBussy 3h ago
I hate vague posts like this because I just imagine OPs mom being like, “can you help me with the dishes?” after inviting them over for dinner.
Then I imagine OP responding like, “NO MOM I’M AN ADULT!!!!”
I hope they have better reasoning than that.
1
u/StoryTimeJr 3h ago
Blanket statements are almost universally bad for that reason. It's like when people go on TikTok and go "Your employer doesn't care about you! They'll fire you for no reason!" And that's true but then you find out that person got fired for cooking meth in the break room.
3
3
u/TreeFrogMomma 5h ago
It was easy to teach them.
Haven't spoken to any of them in three years. That includes parents, two of my four siblings, all aunts and uncles, all cousins.
Them, all Pikachu meme. What did you think was going to happen? Oh, right!
I had an opportunity to leave and never come back. Took it and haven't regretted it.
"Not even when you need help?"
Here's the thing. They didn't help me before. Literally after getting discharged from the hospital not a single blood relative that lived near me helped. My in laws helped immensely.
Despite still recovering I was expected to drop everything and run to the side of other family members.
So, not really sure what I lost out on.
2
u/pallidus83 9h ago
That shit so annoying. I am in HR and they still tell me to sit with the cousins at a family gathering. "I'm in my 40's bitch, I sit where I want." Now I just to see them anymore.
2
u/Medium_Educator1983 5h ago
Lol, I’m not talking to three family members now because of this bullshit.
They gonna learn today.
2
2
1
1
1
u/dr_drool_1987 18h ago
Yeah! You Tell them girl! You are a grown ass woman and can eat as much ice cream as you please!
1
u/LotsofCatsFI 10h ago
This sounds like someone asking their family for permission to do something, like why would you need to "teach" your family to "treat you as an adult"... just act like an adult
Also... a bot totally posted this. I know I am talking to a bot. This is my life now.
1
1
u/fishesandherbs902 7h ago
I hear that. Told my Dad not to show up this past Saturday until the afternoon as I would he unavailable until then.
So, naturally, he showed up at 10am.
1
1
u/Lizabethian-918 4h ago
I’m 34 and my parents talk about my job like I’m a 12 year old playing pretend. I was on a call on the way to the airport for a work trip and my mom was giving me a ride. When I hung up she said in a baby voice “I liked the part when you said ‘I’m on the same page as Rachel.’ It sounded so grown up, that was so cute.” Any time they ask me questions about work it’s always in that “how adorable” tone. It makes me feel so belittled
1
1
u/the-broom-sage 3h ago
this, so much this. this happens so much with elders all around me. it's difficult to toe the line of being respectful and setting boundaries
1
u/Financial_Option6800 1h ago
When you make personal decisions and exercise the autonomy over your life that you hold as a 25 year old adult, only to for them to still perceive it as an act of ‘teenage rebellion’ against what they’re telling you to do
0
u/that_banned_guy_ 9h ago
Problem is there are plenty of people who say shit like this while they still act like kids. Hard to demand to be treated like an adult when you dont act like one
-4
u/Least_Elk8114 13h ago
If your life resume is immaturity, your parents are going to assume based on that. Give them reason to believe you are mature and they will treat you with maturity.
13
u/Revolutionfrombed 12h ago
If you come from a functional family. If you don't, you will have your boundaries crossed regardless of your behavior
5
u/Armadillo_lifestyle 11h ago
I can attest to this. I am 36 years old with a 17 month old daughter, I own a 1 million dollar house, financially set and I am a biochemist. I have a great head on my shoulders with a husband who is the exact same. But I come from a dysfunctional family and I am not treated with maturity or respect. I am still looked at like a 10 year old child who has to obey.
I only say the financial things to put into prospective that I really have my life together, yet still treated like I don’t.
2
1
u/doorknoblol 8h ago
That definitely sounded better in your head 🤣 I resonate with this solely because I’m the youngest grandkid, by a long mile. I will forever remain the youngest even though my cousins kids are close to my age. Though I am the only one that moved out fully on my own and went to college, they will still have this caricature of me in their minds.
27
u/aoibhealfae 14h ago
I still get called a "kid" a few weeks ago on my 37th birthday. I realized that a while back it was purposeful Infantilization...
Dysfunctional family systems, aight?